34. Siena
Siena
D r. Rossi pats my shoulder. I know he can see the shock and terror on my face, but I couldn’t change that if I wanted to.
“I—I don’t understand. I took precautions.”
“When did you have it done?”
“I don’t know. Four years ago? Five?” Was it six? I can’t think clearly right now.
He shakes his head. “Depending on the type and brand, it may not be efficacious for that long. Implants aren’t 100% foolproof.”
When I don’t say anything, his demeanor softens. “It’s going to be okay, Ms. Bellamorte. If you need anything, please let me know.”
I nod, relieved that at least the tears don’t well up until he’s out the door. Matti is right next door, finally awake, and I don’t want him to worry.
And I don’t want him to ask what’s wrong.
Matti knocks on the door that Dr. Rossi left ajar and steps into the room .
Fuck.
When he sees me wipe my eyes, he closes the distance between us in two strides. Tipping my chin up, he looks down at me, concerned. “Tell me.”
“It’s fine,” I sniff. “I’m fine. Dr. Rossi looked me over when we got back and everything is fine. I just—I’m tired. That’s all.”
I pull in a shaky breath and force a smile onto my face.
“I don’t like it when you lie to me, Siena.” His voice drops, his face darkening as he steps back.
“No,” I say, reaching out to grab his forearm. “Please. You just woke up and I just want—I can’t fight with you right now.”
He softens somewhat as I try to slide into his arms, but he tilts his head at me and pushes me back, raking his gaze down my body and back up again. “You’re going to tell me.”
“Matti—”
“Don’t make me ask you again.” His voice is low, gravelly. His fingertips dig into my arms, his whole body taut with barely contained frustration.
Is he fucking serious right now? Like he has room to be angry about secrets?
“You know what, Matti, go fuck yourself. How long did you know that Franco killed my sister? How. FUCKING. LONG.” Now that I’ve said the words out loud, the rage explodes from my pores, and I’m shaking.
But it’s as much over Dr. Rossi’s little announcement as it is Matti’s choice not to tell me about Franco.
I also know I’m being irrational. The truth is that I forgave Matti for keeping Franco’s involvement from me that day in his room after he got shot. I know why he did it. But right now I need the focus to not be on me, and I’m willing to do anything to not have to talk about Dr. Rossi’s news.
I try to wriggle out of Matti’s grasp, but I’m only able to step back when he decides to let me go.
“I was protecting you—”
“You were protecting me by lying to me, do I have that right? You told me that you killed Emily—”
“I never said those words.” His voice is softer now, and his jaw tics as he watches me.
“Oh, fuck off, Matti. You know you led me to believe that. Did you know the whole fucking time?”
“Not in the beginning, no.”
Wait—how long did he actually know and not tell me? “Then when?”
He hangs his head for a moment before looking up, shoving his hands in his pockets.
A dark look falls over his face as he lifts his chin and looks down at me.
“I had suspicions. I never trusted him. When he was held here, he said things that made me suspect that he might have had a hand in it. Then, when I saw the watch band, I knew.”
“And yet, you still didn’t tell me.”
He takes both my hands in his. “I had to make a choice, baby.”
In spite of myself, I melt. Hearing him say ‘baby’ is enough to remind me how close I came to never hearing him say it again, but the way he says it, his blue eyes darkening not with lust but with something more like grief, slices right into my heart.
I know why he didn’t tell me, but I let him explain anyway.
“I didn’t know how to tell you because he was the only family you seemed to have left. You just lost your sister. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you. ”
I look up at him through my eyelashes, my voice soft. “Oh, please. You’ve hurt me more times than you haven’t.”
He raises an eyebrow and leans back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. Fuck, he’s so hot.
“Name one.”
“Let’s see. For starters, kidnapping me.”
“Protecting you from Aurelio.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, chaining me to a wall and spanking me.”
The corners of his mouth twitch into a smug smile. “Did you hate that, kitten?”
Blushing, I swat at him, letting my hand brush gently down his forearm. “Life is going to life, Matti. You can’t control everything. Protecting someone is not the same as gatekeeping and controlling someone.”
He leans down to me, his voice low and raw. “I never wanted to control you, Siena. I needed to protect you. I can’t breathe without you. Apparently, I even asked Vin to keep you here and look for you out when I was too delirious to function. If anything happened to you—fuck.”
He’s practically shaking, clenching and unclenching his fists, not touching me even though I know he wants to grab me, pull me into his arms.
And suddenly it’s clear. This isn’t a man who’s trying to control me.
This is a man who is trying to control himself.
All the tracking, the stalking, the inexplicably hot and cold swings in his temperament and behavior—all of that is him trying to manage the one thing in his life that he can’t control, the one thing that he wants to more than anything: his love for the woman in front of him.
His love for me .
I swallow hard, unable to take a deep breath. I’m shaking again, but this time, it’s not from anger. “You didn’t have to tell Vin anything. I refused to leave your side. Asshole,” I whisper.
He straightens, stepping in close to me. His fingers trail along my jaw, down my neck, across my collarbone.
Dipping his head, he kisses my lips softly. Everything falls away in that moment, including my outrage, as I melt into him. He wraps his arms around me, and I can feel his entire body mold to me, absorbing me into him.
He whispers against my lips. “Do you think getting some real answers might help?”
My eyes closed, I keep my lips close to his. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Franco’s here. Right now. You can ask him anything.” Matti’s voice is gentle, but his grip around me tightens. “He can’t hurt you.”
I know that he means that he’ll protect me. But my heart is broken open, raw. There’s no protection from that pain.
I lean back, looking up at him. His deep blue eyes are filled with concern. The way he’s so careful with me, tracing his knuckles along my jaw, is almost enough to heal what’s broken inside me.
Almost.
Rage threatens to overtake me as I think about what Franco did, and I struggle to keep my expression neutral. “I don’t just want answers. I want to hurt him.”
Matti nods slowly. “Hurt him…”
“Yes. I want to torture him the way Aurelio tortured me, break him the way losing Emily broke me.”
Pain flickers across Matti’s face. “You’re not broken, Siena. You are incredibly strong.”
“I’m not as strong as I want to be,” I say flatly. “But hurting him will help.”
“We don’t have to go right now. We can give it some time—”
“Let’s go.”
He stops me before I can move away from him. “You’ll need this.” He takes off his Saint Michael’s pendant and hangs it around my neck, tucking it into my tank top. “Can’t hurt, right?”
After what happened to my man when I took it off last time, I’m never leaving this thing at home again.