Epilogue #2
I'm in the bedroom, getting clothes put away in the closet and drawers.
The movers have just finished rebuilding the California King, the last piece of furniture to make the move over from the apartment.
As I finish up my sock drawer, I become aware of a presence at the doorway.
Turning, I see Jamie leaning against the frame, a crooked smile on his face.
“How's it going in here, E? I think we're pretty much wrapping it up downstairs.”
“Just a few more game day suits to hang up, other than that I'm done.”
He wanders the room, peeking into the closet and opening drawers. I hold my breath, wondering if he'll find my surprise right here and now. Sure enough, he opens the top drawer on the right, then the second, then the third.
“E? Did you miss some clothes? Almost half of these drawers are still empty.”
I take a deep breath, hoping I can navigate this conversation well, even with most of the team still moving around downstairs.
“I know you said it's too early to move in, and I want you to know I hear that and respect that.” Jamie raises his eyebrow at me. So sue me, I went over this in therapy this week.
Yes, therapy. I'm sure my dad would have a ton to say about that if he were able to speak to me.
But in the aftermath of coming out, it was something Jamie recommended, something that had helped him work through the rough first years at UCLA.
It's been hard, but it's also been helping me make this thing between Jamie and I work.
“I appreciate that. I hope you know it isn't about us, but I still have the lease and everything is still so new. I want to make sure we don't rush into something before we're ready.”
I nod, a little voice in the back of my head still whispering that he's looking for a way out, keeping himself from investing in this just like he kept himself from investing in this team.
I guess I'll still have plenty to talk about in therapy next week.
“That being said, I really want you in my life, not just in my bed. I love falling asleep with you, and waking up with you, and everything in between. I just thought...maybe you'd like to keep some clothes here?”
I hope he sees this as I intend it – a middle ground, a compromise we can both live with while our relationship grows.
A smile dawns on his face and I can feel the tightness in my chest ease.
“I'd love that, Ethan.”
I smile back at him, backing him into the dresser and stealing a kiss. Before it can go any further, we hear the door downstairs slam, bringing us back to the moment.
“That's probably Alexei – he was going to grab some food on the way here from the apartment.”
I give him one more quick kiss on the cheek.
“We should probably go thank the boys.”
“And get them out of here as soon as possible?”
I laugh at this.
“Exactly.”
It ends up being another couple of hours before everyone is gone.
The goodbyes drag out as we realize this may be the last time we see each other before the fall.
No one is at the end of a big contract, so the core of the team should still be together in September for camp.
I wonder what we'll be able to do without the distractions of this year.
I pull Alexei aside, making plans to meet up soon. I want to make sure he knows how much I still value his friendship, even as he's no longer the only person in my inner circle. Sutter, Jamie, and Matthews seem to be making similar plans for lunch in a few days.
Finally, the door closes behind them and Jamie and I are finally alone.
I push him up against the front door, taking the deep kiss I couldn't earlier.
Our tongues and bodies tangle as we try to exist in one another's space.
After several minutes, we break apart, to catch our breath more than anything.
“I have something to show you.”
He quirks an eyebrow at me, but follows as I grab his hand and walk up to the bedroom. I open the French doors, and the June evening air is the perfect temperature. As he takes a deep breath, I grab the pair of binoculars I stashed on the bedside table.
“Is this your way of telling me you're into voyeurism?”
I laugh at that, knowing I'd be perfectly happy to only ever see Jamie naked again for the rest of my life – our lives, I hope.
I hand the binoculars to Jamie, then stand behind him, using my hands on his hips to point his body the right way.
“Do you see the brick building with the teal fire escape?”
It takes him a few seconds, but then he silently nods.
“Now go up to the top floor, where there's a red light. Does it look familiar?”
I can see his brain working overtime before it finally clicks. A soft gasp crosses his lips. He spins in my arms, his eyes sparkling with glee.
“Is that the club? From my birthday?”
I nod, smiling down at him.
I had discovered it by accident one day while I was measuring the French doors for curtains.
My eye had been caught by the red exit light, and a quick text to Alexei had confirmed it.
I suppose it should have upset me, evidence of my past poor choices right outside my bedroom window.
Instead, it gave me a profound sense of gratitude, that the Ethan on the fire escape that night somehow made the right series of decisions to get him here, to this bedroom with Jamie.
“Are you telling me that our bedroom looks out on the site of our first kiss? That's almost ridiculously romantic, Ethan.”
I smile at him, glad he too can find the romance in what was, at the time, a catastrophe. Then, my brain catches on his words.
“Our bedroom?”
He leans into me, laughing under his breath.
“Yeah, Ethan. Our bedroom. Someday.”
And there, looking out on the city with Jamie in my arms, I can't help but think of an entirely different Ethan, panicking a year ago over the changes that were coming his way.
What a lucky bastard.