Chapter Twenty-Seven
The next few weeks passed in a whirlwind of class, training, and silence. I dragged myself through the door after yet another long day. I dropped my dinner onto my coffee table, face-planted on my couch, and groaned.
I was exhausted. I wasn’t sleeping properly and in between classes and the double training; I was running on hopes and dreams at this point. I rolled over with a sigh. “Fuck.”
My phone gave a tiny ding, and I scrambled to pull it out of my pocket. It was a quick text from Wendy telling me she made it home. I tossed my phone with another groan.
This time, I sat up and screamed. “I’m so fucking stupid.” I gripped my head in my hands and pulled at my hair. “Goddess, how could I be so stupid?” I stood and stalked my way to the bathroom connected to my bedroom and stripped off my clothes.
You’re not stupid. Megan offered, but Nix stayed silent.
I jumped under the hot spray and instantly crumpled to the floor. I leaned my head against my knees and for the first time since coming back to my moms, I cried.
“I’m being so stupid. And weak.”
You are not. You’re allowed to have feelings. Megan came closer.
But I just shook my head. “Feelings make us weak. We already took this path. I gave myself fully to my mate, and he killed me. He used my emotions against me and killed our pup. And now here I am, mooning over a man who doesn’t even like me.
” The tears burned, but at least the shower hid their fall.
“I’m crying because he hasn’t messaged me or emailed me in weeks.
And I know he’s busy Megan, I do, and I know I am the last thing he has to worry about but…
” My words trailed off as fresh tears fell.
But you wish he would. Nix finished as she slunk out of the trees and I just nodded.
“Is it too much to ask to have someone want me for me? Not for my power, my aura, or what I could do for them, just me?”
Of course not. Megan tried to make me feel better. You are amazing.
“Just not amazing enough.” I whispered as a sob broke free.
Amy… Nix tried, but I shook my head.
“It’s okay. I’m giving myself two more minutes to pity myself. Two more minutes to cry and then I’m going to get up, finish my shower, eat and go to bed.”
You need to sleep. Megan agreed.
“Just two minutes.” I huddled on my shower floor and released the floodgates. I allowed myself to feel the loss, even though he was never mine to begin with. After I counted to one hundred and twenty seconds, I wiped my face and got to my feet. I started my shower routine and stared at the tile.
Amy? Nix came closer, but I shook my head.
“That was the last time I will cry over any man.” I swiped at the invisible tears on my face and gave a small, sad laugh. “It was a foolish thought to begin with.”
No, it wasn’t. Megan pushed against the wall, and Nix sat next to her. He gave little hints that he liked us.
I gave another little laugh. “But hints mean nothing compared to action and words.” I grabbed my shampoo, missing my old scent. “I got so wrapped up in the hints, I was missing what he was showing me.”
Amy… Nix pressed closer.
“It’s okay. I’m okay or I will be. I can stop focusing on the fact he isn’t reaching out and focus on the plan.” I felt both of my wolves look at each other.
Okay. If that is what you want. Megan offered.
We can help you keep on track. Nix offered.
I smiled. I could feel their souls like they could feel mine, and I knew they were hurting for me.
I could feel our souls swirling around each other, each of us trying to shield the other from the pain we all will feel.
Megan felt hers when she had to ignore her mate.
I’m feeling mine, with a man I want, not wanting me back.
Nix when she felt our pup being ripped from our body.
We have all been shattered. Megan started.
But it is how we pull ourselves back together that matters. Nix offered.
“You’re right.” I stretched my arms up, rinsed off the rest of the soap, and then shut off the water.
This wouldn’t break me. “Now let’s eat. I’m starving.
” I wrapped my hair up and walked out of the bathroom in my towels.
I headed to the front room, to my dinner, but I had to stop at the end of the hallway to yawn.
My jaw cracked, and I groaned as I went into a full body stretch with my eyes closed.
I shook my head and sighed. “Fuck I’m tired. ”
“You look it.” A dark voice called from the darkness and I screamed as my eyes snapped open.
I screamed again and dropped into a fighting stance, only to find Rowan on my sofa staring at me.
I tossed my head, dropping the towel that I had wrapped around my hair to the floor.
I nearly growled when I found him sulking in the dark, but I just stood up and patted my chest. Calm down.
I shook my head and chuckled at my stupidity.
The feeling of soft skin on my fingertips had my hand freezing. Naked chest…
I slowly looked down, as if I was a human in one of their horror movies. When my eyes met the pile of towels, my mouth dropped open. My eyes landed on my naked and prominent chest, currently on full display, and I screamed again.
I snatched the towels and ran out of the room. Oh, my goddess. Kill me now. I crumpled on to the bed in disbelief. Did that actually just happen? “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I dropped my head into my hands and groaned.
“I would put on clothes if I were you.” Rowan’s voice sounded right outside my door.
His voice was low, gravelly, and filled with need.
“I will give you a minute to get out here, fully clothed, or I will come in there, and then I have zero promises of what will happen.” I heard the creak of the wood on the other side of my door and I shivered.
“Forty-five seconds, rabbit, I’m counting. ”
“Fuck.” I stood and dropped the towels to the ground and rushed to my closet.
I heard a soft thunking on my door. “I can hear you moving, rabbit, but it’s not fast enough. Thirty seconds.” His voice softened. “Please, for the love of the goddess.”
I couldn’t tell if he was begging her for me to hurry or to slow down. I didn’t even know what I wanted.
Yes, you do. Nix offered. Then she pushed her thoughts into my mind. I was kneeling on the bed and Rowan was behind me. I was panting as her laughter shook me from the image.
“Oh, goddess.” Rowan’s nails trailed down the door.
“Fifteen seconds, rabbit.” I whirled and slipped on a pair of tight shorts, and I grabbed a t-shirt, slipping it over my head just as the door busted open.
I barely had time to turn, and I was in his arms. “I don’t know if I should be relieved or disappointed.
” His voice was low as he dropped to his knees.
He rubbed his face into my stomach, and I could feel the intake of his breath.
“Goddess, you smell amazing.” But he looked up, with eyes full of heat. “But something is missing.”
“What do you mean?” I stared down at him as he leaned in, raising the t-shirt up inch by inch, and then his lips connected with the skin next to my belly button. I drew in a shaky breath. But even as I asked, I drew in a breath of my own, and he was right. Something was missing.
His scent was still missing.
“You smell wrong.” His voice was soft as he leaned in to kiss the other side of my stomach and I felt my center clench.
I closed my eyes as need hit me and I felt my short dampen.
I needed…him. His quick inhale had my eyes snapping to his, and I watched his eyes dilate.
He could smell my need. “You shouldn’t smell like this.
” His wolf flashed in his eyes, a blue so white it was jarring, but Rowan wrangled control.
“You don’t smell at all.” Nix flashed in my eyes and I dropped down. “Why can’t I smell you?” I leaned in and Nix pushed to the surface again. “Why do you hide yourself from us?” Nix’s voice was low, sultry, and full of the need I tried to hide.
His eyes searched mine, and he leaned in. “Because…”
She pushed forward. “Because why?” I leaned in and traced my nose down his neck, and he shivered.
Nix darted in, pushing me back, and took complete control.
“You are hiding my king, and while Amy is more understanding, I am not.” Nix pulled away from his neck.
“She has been hurt, and I am now her protector. I won’t allow you to play games with her heart, king or not. ”
“I’m not.” He shook his head, but Nix just tilted hers.
“You are. And I can’t tell if it is because you want her, and you are fighting it. Or because you enjoy the chase. But this can’t go on. I won’t allow you to shatter what she has rebuilt, brick by brick.”
“What is your name?” He leaned in, his lips a fraction away from ours, and my heart clenched painfully.
Nix lifted one of my curved brow. “You want my name?” Rowan nodded, but Nix leaned in and laid a soft, chaste kiss on his lips before she pulled away and whispered against his mouth.
“You want my name, you crave my human, then prove you are worthy of both. I refuse to give an inch to yet another male unworthy of our attention.”
Rowan pulled back from my face and looked me in the eye. “Okay.”
Nix receded, leaving me panting and confused. “What?”
Rowan stood, and I nearly stumbled back from how fast he stood. “I said okay.” His smile was perfect. Everything about him was perfect.
I shook my head to clear it. “I’m confused…what?”