Chapter Twenty-Eight
The kiss melted my bones. Heat started in my center and then exploded out of me. My hands tangled in his hair and he groaned as I launched myself from the ground and into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.
His tongue teased at the seam of my lips until I opened for him and then his tongue delved between them, tangling with mine. He wrapped one arm around my back and the other clutched my ass tightly against him. I groaned in repressed need. Goddess, he was perfect.
The kiss lasted less than a minute, but it was imprinted on my soul, and I knew in one crystalized moment this man would be the end of me.
Whether it be together, wrapped in his arms, or alone and shattered, a forgotten toss away in his conquest for his queen.
I didn’t know the answer, but he was either my everything or my death.
That I was certain of with an almost finite clarity.
He was the first to pull away, placing his forehead against my own. “I’m sorry.”
My eyes fluttered open. “Why are you sorry?” My voice sounded needy and breathless and I felt his hard length that was pressed against my center flick against me.
“Because…” He pulled away. “I like you, Amy. A lot. But I promised myself a long time ago that I would only give myself to my mate, my queen, my soul mate.” His eyes held a sorrow that made my heart cry out for him.
“And that isn’t me…” I answered as he clenched his eyes shut, I unfurled my legs and felt my feet touch the floor.
“That isn’t what I'm saying.” He reached for my hand. “I don’t know if you are meant for me. I would explain it, but I can’t, not yet.” I furrowed my brow and tried to tug my hand away.
“What are you talking about?”
His fingers tightened on mine. “Please.” His voice begged, and I softened.
I gave a tiny nod, and he pulled me back to my couch, pulling me down onto his lap.
“After my mom was killed. And I had to watch my dad disappear a little each day without his mate. I made myself a few promises. One was that I would only be with my mate. The other, well, it’s a little more difficult.
But the gist of it was that I wouldn’t bring my mate into my current situation.
So until all of this is figured out, I won’t bring a female into my mess. ”
I stared down at him and his eyes were so open. He was laying everything out for me. And he was letting me make the choice. “So what does that mean…for this?”
He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Goddess, I don’t know. But I like you Amy. And I don’t want you to question it. But I know we both have our parts to play in this. And I’m terrified.”
“Why?”
He pulled back, and his eyes shifted. His voice came out deeper, rougher, and I knew I was speaking to his wolf. “Hello rabbit.”
“Hello wolf.” I smirked as he smiled. His smile was stunning.
“My human is failing to explain this, because he doesn’t want to hurt you. So I came up to let you know my feelings about this matter.” He was so matter of fact. I liked that, so I nodded.
“Okay.”
“There are people watching us, waiting for us to get too close, trying to tear us apart before we get there. And while it is annoying, it’s an opportunity. One we feel like we have to take.” He looked a little sorry about what we were explaining.
“What kind of opportunity?”
“One which we both will have our parts to play. And then maybe once we figure it all out, we can explore this between us more.” He leaned in and smelled my neck.
“You are keeping your own secrets, rabbit, and I am chomping at the bit to figure it out, and I know you have your own reasoning.” He pulled back.
“But I want to be honest with you, too.” He stared into my soul with his white blue eyes.
This close, I realized his bright blue eyes were ringed with a darker, midnight blue ring.
“I want to be honest with you.” I nodded.
He nodded and then looked away. “My human, he is very much set on you. You are all he thinks about, even if your scent is wrong.” I wanted to chuckle, but he continued. “But there is a wolf I am interested in. I don’t know her human, I don’t even know her name, but I am set on her.”
“Oh…”
His eyes snapped to mine. “But neither of us will make a choice either way until all of this is over. And I won’t deny him, as he won’t deny me. I don’t want you to think that any decision is set in stone. He likes you very much, with an intensity I have never seen from him.”
His words were a soft balm on the pain I was feeling.
But I needed to get a little space. So I slid off his lap, and I saw a flash of hurt flash in his eyes.
“I like him too. But my wolf actually feels the same about another, so I understand.” I slid next to him and grabbed his hand.
“But what did you mean about an opportunity?”
Regret flashed in his eyes and then they faded to his normal brown. Rowan was back. “Hi.” He was struggling with something.
“Hey.” I smiled and grabbed his hand. “What’s wrong?”
He sighed. “What I’m about to say will make zero sense and I know already it isn’t fair, but it’s how I feel, okay?”
I turned to face him. “Okay.”
“I don’t like that your wolf likes this unknown male.” He huffed out a laugh. “And like I said, I know I’m a hypocrite. Okay, I do, but I wish you both just liked me…”
I listened as he explained and smiled, but it was a little sad. “I feel exactly the same way. But we can’t change our wolf’s mind. They have to figure out their own feelings, just like us.”
Rowan nodded and then growled. He grabbed my face and kissed me again, making my eyelids flutter. “I wish all of this was over. So that our wolves could spend time together, so we could spend time together and really see this through.” He leaned against me and I heard him pulling in my scent.
“We still can.” I offered, but he pulled back and I saw something new behind his eyes. He looked a little lost with a mixture of guilt.
“Actually…” He pulled back and shook his head.
“What?”
“Your father had this idea…”
I felt those words hit, and immediately I was on edge. My father always had plans. “What is it? I know you’re trying to ease me into it, but just tell me.”
He nodded. “Your father knows that you are going to have to get close to Brandon. I know your dad is on edge about it but he won’t tell me why.”
I nodded. “I promise to explain it to you when all of this is over.” I pushed that to the side.
Rowan stared at me and then kept going. “He told me that eventually, you will have to get close to him, and having me around will just get in the way.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I won’t like it.” His voice dropped to a growl. “I won’t like it at all. Even as it stands, I might just kill him.”
“Why?”
“Because you are meant to be mine.” He stood and was panting.
His eyes flashed to his wolves and then back to his.
His claws descended, and then he paced away.
He was shaking as he turned to stare at me.
I watched as he tried to calm himself down, and finally he settled.
“Sorry.” He shook his shoulders out, came back, and settled next to me.
“Okay…I don’t know what that means for us.” I looked down at my hands, dreading his answer.
“It means I have to stay away. And it means I’ll have my own acting I have to do.”
“Rowan, I need you to just lay it all out for me here. It’s not making sense.” My mind was still spinning with his confession and now, with all these plans inside of plans is making it harder to follow.
“Your dad thinks I need to stay away from you. Until you finish school…until you crack into Vince’s defenses.
Being sad about your father’s death, but being supported by me won’t make you vulnerable enough for Vince and Brandon to think that you are easy prey.
” I nodded. “But he has gone a step further.” Dread settled in the pit of my stomach.
“He wants me to give in to the council.”
I felt my face pale. “Give in how?”
“He wants me to create space from you and then allow the council to think they are convincing me to accept their chosen mate.”
“What?” I yelled and jumped to my feet. “I’m going to kill him.” My fangs snapped down and Rowan smiled.
“It’s just pretend.”
“You are mine.” I whirled on him, grabbing his face and kissing him.
We kissed for longer this time. Nix and Megan came to the edge of my mind.
I know they were there to watch me, stop me from making a choice that would affect all of us.
But they were letting me have this. I reluctantly pulled away from his face and the smile that lit his face made me want to kiss him again.
“I’m sorry.” I completely let go of his face and I felt my face burn.
“You are perfect.” He whispered, which made my face burn even more.
“Why does my father want you to accept a chosen mate?” I turned the conversation back to what was important.
“He doesn’t. He just wants me to pretend I have.
” Rowan leaned back, but grabbed my hand in his and threaded our fingers together.
“The council has been pushing Nina at me because she is the niece of one member, but there are a few other candidates. He wants me to fight against the council and then maybe next year or so, when you are ready, to court these women.”
“Why?” I felt the telltale burn at my gums. My fangs wanted to descend again, but I focused on his words.
“Because he thinks that with him dead, and me courting other she-wolves, then it might be more believable that you might want to get closer to other males.” I could hear his teeth grind as his jaw clenched.
“He said it would give both of us the space to move behind the scenes. I could visit these packs, and see what I can find out, and you can make Brandon believe he is making progress in mating you.”
I nodded. In theory, the plan was smart, but I didn’t like it. “I would rather die than allow Brandon to touch me ever again.” I growled out without thinking.
Megan gasped at my words, and Nix lowered herself to the ground. I know you are upset, Amy, but be aware of your words. You almost admitted to dying. Her admonishment was soft, and I bit the inside of my cheek. But it didn’t seem like Rowan caught what I said.
“He doesn’t have to touch you. Goddess, I hope he doesn’t touch you.
But we will have to play our parts.” He turned to stare into my face.
“I don’t want to do this either, but if this will help us figure it all out.
If this can help us save more wolves. I’ll do it.
” He was so sincere that I felt a worrying pit open in my stomach.
But he was right. I knew if it came down to it, I would allow Brandon to get close. “I won’t sleep with him.” My voice was barely above a whisper when I said it, but Rowan lunged to his feet.
“I would kill him if you did.” His eyes flashed and dark brown fur rippled down his arms. “But that isn’t what your father had in mind either, and I think you know that.”
“I know. But Brandon is just like his father. He will expect it.” I leaned my hand on my knee.
“Well then, I guess you will have to be more reluctant than he is used to. Men, especially wolves, love the chase.” He sank down next to me and clutched my hands again. “I wish this wasn’t something I had to ask of you.”
“Are you asking me? Or are you telling me?” I felt his fingers tighten around mine.
“Everything is your choice, Amy. Brandon, what to do with Vince, even after all of this is over…with me? It will always be your choice.”
I stared up into his eyes and I saw a little worry there, but mostly there was a deep sadness about it all. “You’re sad.” My words were a surprising thought I didn’t even think to conceal.
He looked away from me and then nodded. “I shouldn't have to ask you to do this. I should have been able to figure it all out, we shouldn’t have come to this.”
I thought about it and then pulled my hands out of his, making him turn back to face me with a silent desolation on his face.
I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against his shoulder.
“If none of this had ever happened…I don’t think we would have ever met.
You would have met your Lycan mate, probably years ago, and I would have ended up dead. ” I confessed.
“That isn’t true.” He tried to argue, but I just laughed.
“Everything happens for a reason, Rowan. The goddess has her designs, and all of this was meant to be.” I lifted my head and laid a soft kiss on his cheek.
“I can only hope that when this is all said and done. We get the ending we both deserve.” Whether or not it is together is to be seen. I left the last words unspoken.