Chapter Sixteen
My alarm was screaming at me, and I rolled over with a groan. “Please Goddess. Let me sleep.” I cracked open my eyes. Then, like clockwork, groans from my friends carried down the hallway.. I heard a distant ‘please Goddess no’ and that made me laugh.
There was a soft knock, and I called out. “Yeah?” Thinking it was Toya, I stood and stretched. I turned to the door to find a small face staring up at me and I hurried over. “Hey Carly.” I pulled the door wide and crouched down. “Good morning.”
She stared at me for a few minutes and I could see tears gathering in her eyes. “Can…” she trailed off and rubbed her nose on her sleeve.
I reached for her. “What’s wrong?”
She bit at her lip for a minute. “Can you help me pick out my clothes?”
I smiled softly. “Of course I can.” I didn’t realize she needed help with this still. I was out of my depth.
Almost as if she read my mind, she sniffled again. “I normally pick my clothes, but.” She stopped and wiped her eyes.
“But what, baby?” I pulled her closer to me. She resisted for a minute before she relaxed against me.
“I wanna look my best to say goodbye to daddy.” She wiped her eyes again. “So, can you help me?”
The words hit me like little slaps. “Of course I can. After we get dressed, we can have breakfast before we go down to see him, okay?” I looked down at the small girl in my arms. Her tiny princess pajamas were a stark contrast to her sad little face.
“Okay.” She pulled away and grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room. We just reached her door when Toya stepped out of her room.
“Good morning.” Toya patted Carly’s head. “How about pancakes for breakfast?”
Carly thought for a minute, and then she nodded. “Can we have chocolate chips in them?”
Toya smiled softly. “Of course we can.” She looked at me. “I’ll get breakfast ready. Come down when you’re ready.” I gave her a thankful smile, and we went to pick out her clothes.
We walked into her closet and I could tell she had been in here before coming to get me. Little clothes were thrown around in piles. “Okay.” I got to my knees and started picking through the clothes, refolding them or hanging them back on to their hangers. “Let’s see what you chose so far.”
Carly grabbed the smallest pile of clothes. “These are the nicest dresses I have.” She handed me the dresses, pretty pink and white little fluffy things. “But these aren’t right.”
I nodded. “These are beautiful, but you are right. Not for today.” I got to my feet and started to hang everything up as she pulled drawers out.
“Maybe I have nice pants.” She searched through another drawer, and I smiled.
I spotted the box as I hung up the last dress, and I brought it down.
Carly was still digging in her drawer and I let her be for a minute.
I opened the box to find a frilly black dress with tiny ribbons for her hair and black shoes.
A letter was left on top of the dress, and I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat.
“I have nothing good enough.” She looked up at me with tears trailing down her face and her lip quivering.
“It’s okay.” I sat down with the box. “Daddy took care of it for you. Now come on over and shut your eyes.” She came over to me and she scrunched her face up, closing her eyes, making me laugh.
I pulled off her top and pulled the dress over her head before tugging down her pants off from under it.
I grabbed the small black dress socks and slid them on to her feet, then her shoes.
“Wait here and don’t open your eyes yet, okay? ”
I waited for her to answer. “Okay.” I grabbed her hairbrush and two elastics from her bathroom and rushed back to fix her hair. I pulled her hair into two pigtails and wrapped the black ribbons around them. There, she was done.
“You are perfect.” I patted her head and stood her in front of her mirror.
“Open your eyes.” Carly looked at herself and her little lip poked out.
She twirled, and I could tell she felt pretty, but she couldn’t be happy right this minute.
I pulled the letter and opened it. “My darling baby girl.” I started, and her little eyes snapped to mine.
“If Amy is reading this to you, then I’m gone.
” A tear fell as she came over to me. “I need you to know, baby girl, that I am right here with you today, and every day for the rest of your life.” I looked at her and opened my arms. She dove against me.
“You look beautiful in your dress, baby. It’s okay to think you’re pretty even when you’re coming to say goodbye. Love you always, Daddy.”
Tiny sobs racked her body. She cried herself out before she looked up into my face. “Did daddy really say that?” I nodded and showed her the letter.
“You’ve seen your dad’s hand writing right?” I asked softly, but she shook her head. “Well, this was written by him.” I watched her tiny finger trace the words.
“I can’t read it.” I leaned my head against hers.
“I’ll teach you.”
She took the letter gently. “Is this mine?”
I kissed her head. “Your daddy wrote you a ton of letters, and you get to keep them all.” I was going to push up from the ground, but Carly stopped me.
She handed it back to me. “I don’t want to lose it.” I took the letter and folded it back up. “Can you keep it for me?” She sniffled and then stood. She made her way over to the mirror and twirled in a circle. “My daddy is right.”
“Oh?”
“You made me beautiful.” She gave me a tiny smile as I got up off the floor.
“No, Carly girl. You are already beautiful. I just did your hair.” I tucked the letter into my sweatpants. “Do you want to head downstairs? I’m going to go get dressed so I can be ready.”
“Okay, Amy.” She walked back to me. Then she gave me a hug. “Hurry, so the pancakes don’t get cold.” I patted her hair and she turned and ran out of her room.
I smiled before I made my way back to my room, and grabbed clothes for the day.
I threw my hair up in a ponytail and stepped into my slippers.
Then I headed to the door, but something in the mirror caught my attention.
Something I overlooked last night. I turned back to the closet and made my way to the random door in the back wall. “Now, why would you be here?”
I opened the door to find…nothing. It was a short hallway to nowhere. I went in, spun in a circle and then came out. “What the hell are you doing?” I spun to see Wendy standing in my doorway, watching me with a confused face.
“I don’t know where this is supposed to go?” I stood back and pointed to the door to nowhere.
Wendy came over and opened the door herself. She went in, and closed the door, then came back out with a letter. She handed it to me. “I think this is for you.” I grabbed it.
“Thanks.” I went to open it, but Hanna came in. “Hey.”
“Carly is looking for you.” I just nodded and tucked the letter into my pocket, and we headed downstairs.
“Hey darling.” I called as I rounded the corner. She was sitting in a chair at the table, kicking her feet, waiting. A plate of food in front of her and one next to her. “You needed me?”
Carly nodded. “I helped make you a plate so we could go see daddy sooner.”
I gave her a quick smile. “Thank you.” I slid in next to her and dug in. “This is great.”
She smiled at me as she ate a few bites. “Daddy likes his pancakes like this.”
“He has good taste.” I smiled as I finished another bite. “And you are such an amazing girl to make me breakfast.” Everyone else made their way to the table with their plates and said their good mornings.
“So what’s the plan?” Hanna looked between Carly and me. “You both look very nice.”
“We are going to say goodbye to my daddy after breakfast.” Carly took another bite and missed the pitying looks every one flashed at her. She turned to me. “Can we plant flowers?”
I ran my hand down her hair. “Of course we can, baby girl.” I nodded towards her food.
“Eat. The faster you eat, the faster we can go see your daddy.” I turned to look at Hanna.
“After we go sit with Carl, I’ll take you guys back to school.
” I turned to look at Toya and Wendy. “Which one of you two would be willing to stay here?”
Carly looked up at me. “You aren’t staying?” her eyes filled with tears.
I grabbed her hands.. “Hey. Don’t cry. I’ll be back later. I just ran directly here last night and I have things to collect. Move over and get ready.”
She wiped her face. “You promise?”
I nodded. “Of course I do. I’ll be here every night. But I’ll have to be gone during the day. Wendy and Toya here are going to help me with you.” Carly turned to them.
“Like babysitters?”
Hanna and Micca laughed. I smiled, but shook my head. “More than that.”
Carly furrowed her brow. “Like…aunts.”
“Exactly.” Wendy and Toya nodded. “They will be your aunts.” And twirled her ponytail. “The most important thing to remember though, bug, is that you can call us by our names, call us aunties, whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Carly met my eyes, and she sniffled. “What will you call me?”
I froze. “Well, I haven’t thought about it. I’ve called you a few names, but that isn’t fair to you either.” I looked around the table. “What would you like us to call you?”
She looked at her hands. “Daddy called me pup. Or baby girl.” I nodded when she looked up, her lip quivering.
“We can call you other things.” I offered.
She shot up. She raised her hands and waved them. “No, no, no, no.” She whipped her head back and forth.
I reached for her hands, worried that she would slip from the chair.
“Sweet pea. It’s okay.” I slid my hand to her cheek.
“If you want us to call you pup or baby girl so it helps you remember your daddy, we will. If you want us to come up with different nicknames so that only your dad called you those two, we can do that too. Whatever you want, we will do.”
Toya stood and came over to her chair, kneeling.
“If you want Amy to call you certain names, and the rest of us something else, we can do that too.” She gently took Carly's hand in hers. “We will do whatever makes you feel more comfortable with us. We’re going to be here with you and Amy as long as you need help.” She smiled up at her.
“Tell us what you would like, little one. You don’t have to worry about our feelings. ”
Carly looked around the table and then settled on me. “Do I have to decide right now?”
I shook my head. “No baby, you don’t. But if at any time what we say makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, talk to us…okay?” She nodded, and I leaned over and kissed her temple.
Toya stood and kissed her other side. “Eat, cub. Then we can say goodbye to your father.” She turned and went back to her chair as Carly settled back into her own. She dug back into her food as I turned to look at the girls.
“Is your place packed up?” I ask Toya. Wendy nodded.
“Yeah, we finished it the other day.” She picked up her plate to carry it out to the kitchen. “My stuff was sent back to my moms, but Toya’s is still waiting there.” I nodded. “But I’ll need some of my stuff.” She came back into the room.
Hanna and Micca looked at each other. “Our stuff was sent back to our packs.”
I nodded. “Most of my stuff was sent back to my pack, but I have my presents and some stuff left in the penthouse.” I sighed. “Trying to get our stuff here is going to take magic.” I grabbed my plate and brought it to the kitchen.
“We will figure it out.” Toya followed me in. Carly was right behind her. “Let Wendy and I figure out some things. Take our girl to say goodbye.”
I nodded and grabbed a paper towel and got it wet. I turned to face Carly and wiped her face down. “There.”
“What?” She looked up at me with big brown eyes.
“You are perfect.” I pinched her cheek, earning a smile. “Now, let’s go see your daddy.” I held out my hand, and together we slipped out the back door. We walked down the porch, then Carly slipped her hand out of mine and ran to the side of the house. “What are you doing?” I followed.
“I’m picking daddy flowers.” She crouched over some lilac bushes. There were clusters of buds, but not one bloom. “These are his favourites. He said mommy smelled like them.” She trailed her fingers over the closed buds. “I wish they were open.” She looked at me and I smiled.
I pulled my power to my fingers, and I trailed my hands over the bush. Awakening it, making it grow, bloom, and thrive. I snapped full stalks off and pushed my power into the ends.
“What are you doing?” Carly watched with wide eyes.
“You said you wanted to plant flowers with your dad, right? Do you think he will like these?” I waved the bundle in my hands and her face lit up.
“He can sleep under the moon and smell mommy every day.” I nodded with a smile. “It’s perfect.” She held her hands open, and I placed the stalks of lilac in them.
“You have to be careful. We want them to have the best chance to grow.” I held my hand open for her and she slipped her hand in mine. Together, we walked to the big elm at the back of the property.
“Daddy loved it here. We used to have picnics here while we built the cabin.” Carly mumbled as her eyes fell on the freshly dug dirt. I walked up next to Carl and knelt down. I dug my fingers down and created a small hole for the lilac to rest, and turned to Carly.
“Hey Carl. I brought Carly to say goodbye.” I took the lilac from her and planted it. “She thought these would be the best choice.” Her sniffling broke my heart.
“Hi Daddy.” Her tiny voice broke me.
“Hey baby girl.”