Chapter Three
“What the fuck…” I felt like my world was crashing down on me. My head was full of his words and I was confused as to how we even got here. I turned to face Sterling, and he was clearly avoiding my gaze. “Sterling.”
He looked over at me finally, and I could see the truth behind his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Have you read any of these?” As I dropped the letter, my gaze followed as it landed in the box between my feet. The box that held all of Rowan's words to me. I counted over fifty letters…maybe more. “How long has he been sending these?”
Sterling closed his eyes for a second, like he was trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t break me.
His hand tightened on the steering wheel.
“I haven’t read anything that was sent to you.
” He swallowed. “They were meant for your eyes only, and even if we couldn’t give them to you, we weren’t going to invade yours and Rowan’s privacy. ”
I felt my eyes tighten. “But?”
He sighed. “But I saw him every time he dropped off the letters. He was becoming more and more desperate for you to answer.” He looked like he might get sick. “I wanted to tell him that your silence was because you were being kept in the dark about them, but I couldn’t.”
I settled a little. I could hear the pain in his voice. “You’re feeling guilty?” I asked, but I already knew the answer.
He nodded. “Goddess yes.” He glanced at me. “You don’t understand.” His hands flexed, and I could tell he was becoming frustrated.
“Then explain it to me because I’m pretty lost right now.” I looked down at the letters. “I don’t even know why or when they started. And by the looks of it, he sent quite a few.” I bent down and tried to count them. “How many are even here?”
I heard Sterling swallow again. “Over seventy.”
I snapped up. “What?”
“Rowan sent you a letter every week since your heat.” He looked out the windshield, avoiding my gaze. “I lost track after seventy.” He looked away. “That’s a lie.” He wiped his face on his shoulder. “I stopped counting because every day I saw the pile grow bigger, the guiltier I felt.”
I sighed as I looked down. I grabbed another letter and noticed there was a tiny number on the top of this one. Fifty-six. I dropped it and grabbed another. Thirty-five. “The numbers?”
His eyes darted to the letter in my hands.
“A system Jora came up with after the second letter.” He squeezed the wheel.
“He thought that if we ever got to give you them, this way you could keep track of their order. So anytime he gave us a letter for you, we numbered it and dropped it into a pile. Once the pile got too big for the drawer, we dumped them into a box.” He looked down at the box between my legs.
“We upgraded to an even bigger box a few months ago. We thought he was going to keep sending them…” He trailed off as he looked at the open letter on top.
“But then he stopped.” My throat hurt. I sat back and felt the truth cascade down on top of me. My heart felt like my ribs were crushing it. Everything grew blurry, and my breathing became labored.
“Yeah.” His voice was so far away I barely heard him.
My mind flashed back to the night Carl died.
Rowan kneeling in the dirt and blood. Hurt and bleeding from the fighting, but still he stared at me.
I felt the cold take over my body as I remembered his eyes begging me.
‘Let me explain.’ But I didn't let him. I looked down at the letter and the truth hit me.
I was mad because he was supposed to wait for me. My eyes snagged on the bottom line. Remember, I love you and only you. My heart squeezed. He had waited. The sob broke free faster than I thought. Sterling’s head snapped towards me, but then he turned away, leaving me alone with my pain.
“This can’t be happening.” My voice was ragged as another sob broke free. I smacked my hand over my mouth to stop another from breaking free. I needed to wait. I couldn’t break down yet.
Oh goddess, what have I done?
“I’m sorry.” Sterling’s voice was soft as he slid one of his hands off the wheel and wrapped his fingers through mine. “I’m sorry I had to keep this from you.”
I sniffled as I chuckled. “This wasn’t your fault. You had no choice.” I felt him squeeze my fingers. “My father made sure of that.”
He sighed. “I know. But I’m still sorry. And believe me, I’ll be going to tell Rowan as soon as I drop you off.”
“Please don’t.” I pulled his hand.
He pulled into my driveway, and I hadn’t even realized we were on pack lands. “What do you mean, don’t?” He turned in his seat. “Amy, he doesn’t know the truth. He thinks you have been ignoring him for over a year. It’s killing him.”
I nodded. “I know. I know.” I looked down at my box of letters. “And I felt the same way.” I looked at him, almost imploring him to understand.
“You are still mad.” He sighed. “But he didn’t-”
I nodded. “I know.” I sighed. “But I don’t know if I can get past it.”
“But he didn’t do anything.” Sterling tried to argue.
“Exactly.” I leveled him with a look. “And I know that doesn’t make any sense, and it honestly doesn’t have to.”
He groaned. “You sound like my mate.”
I snorted. “She sounds smart.” But I wiped my eyes. “I know it’s stupid. But I need to read everything first.”
“But why?”
I sighed. “Because…I don’t know if what’s in these letters is going to change anything.”
He exploded. “What the hell do you mean? How could they not?” He was so sure that the letters would change my opinion.
“It’s been two years.” I felt my stomach tighten. “Two years since he broke my heart and then cut me off.”
“But he didn’t.” He pointed to the letters. But I watched as his words registered. “But you didn’t know that…”
“Exactly.” I nodded once. We sat in silence for a moment before there was a knock on the window. We turned to find Brandon standing outside. I wanted to groan, but I forced a smile to my face. I turned back to Sterling with a warning glare. “Thank you for the ride back.”
His eyes flicked between Brandon and me. “You are welcome. I was happy to help.” His eyes tightened a little when Brandon stared at him. “Next time, you shouldn’t wait for me to call you to come get your mail.” He nodded to the box and I could have kissed him. He gave me an explanation.
I mouthed thank you, and he smirked a little.
“I shouldn’t have any more mail coming to the building, so we should be good.
” I smiled, and it was genuine until Brandon knocked on the window again.
Nix growled, and it slipped from my lips.
Sterling smiled and his eyes danced with amusement as I slammed the door open, making Brandon stumble back or be hit.
“Have a nice drive back.” I stepped out and then bent for the box.
Brandon was at my side in seconds, trying to take it from me, but again I growled. He held up his hands and then looked back to the car. “Hey baby.”
I tightened my hands on the box. “What are you doing here?” I walked straight to my door and took out my keys to unlock the door. Brandon trailed after me.
“I came here after Rick told me you were at home sick.” He looked back to Sterling’s car that was just starting to back out of the driveway. “But you weren’t here.” He watched Sterling drive away. “Where were you?”
I popped the door open and dropped the box inside, shutting the door before Brandon tried to go inside.
“I went and grabbed my mail from the school. Apparently, I had a bit built up, and they called to see if I wanted it before they tossed it.” I turned back to face him.
“Why did you come here if you heard I was sick?”
He smiled. “I wanted to take care of you.” He stepped into my space and kissed my lips, but I couldn’t kiss him back. Rowan’s words flashed through my mind. I love you.
I put a hand on his chest. “I appreciate it. But have you figured out the Shannon issue?” I pushed him away. “You keep showing up when I’ve asked you to keep your distance until it’s been handled. I don’t want to hurt her.”
Nix snorted. I love that you keep using Shannon as an excuse not to touch the scum bag.
Megan snorted. It really comes in handy. The man is a bastard. She sniffed. The funny thing is, he still has the scent of our mate, but it’s faded. And it smells like it turned. Gone rotten somehow.
Nix smelled. He smells like rotten apples to me. Megan just nodded.
Rotten like his soul. She snorted.
“Amy.” He tried to grab me, but I held my hands up to keep him at arm’s length.
“No, Brandon, I’m serious.”
His eyes darkened. “I’m working on it.” He wrapped an arm around my back and slammed his lips to mine. There was a growl at the back of my throat, but I caught the sound of a car stopping in front of the house, so I held it back. There was the sound of the door opening. And then a gasp.
Shannon was standing at the bottom of the driveway. “Brandon?”
He whirled. “Shan.”
I wiped my face as he whirled to face Shannon. Her eyes burned and I could smell her devastation. “How could you?” Her words seem to hit him like physical blows. She turned to me, but I held up my hands.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I called to her, and she fumed. “I told him he had to make everything very clear before our mating ceremony.”
Brandon spun to face me, anger and something else I couldn’t pinpoint on his face. But it was Shannon’s choking that had him spinning back. “Your mating ceremony?” She looked between us. “You two are still holding the ceremony?” She stumbled back a step before her eyes raged. “Is that true?”
Brandon looked back and forth between us, and he settled on me, pleading. “Amy…”
I laughed. “I knew it.” I scowled at him. “If you love her, then mate her and keep me out of it.” I snarled as I turned back to the house.
“Wait!” Brandon screamed as I slammed the door open.
I turned back. “What? What the fuck are you going to say?”
Shannon growled. “Don’t talk to him like that.”