Chapter Forty-Three
Isqueezed her fingers. “What do you mean?”
She pulled in a breath. “My wolf had broken the bond between his wolf and her, and that severed the bond so I didn’t feel the full pain of betrayal.
I still felt it a little; that’s why it ate at me, but I was able to deal with it.
” She looked up at the ceiling and gave a humorless laugh.
“I keep beating around the hard stuff, trying to work up the nerve to say it, like it’s going to change it. But it won’t.”
“Don’t rush yourself.” I whispered, but she shook her head.
“After the first week, Derek started coming in to see me every day.” She refused to meet my eyes.
“He hit me at first. He would beat me until I was at the edge of consciousness, bleeding on the ground, and then he would leave me there to wake up cold and confused covered in blood. After the first time I started to fight back, so he tied me to a chair so I had to sit there and take it. When he grew tired of using his hands he turned to knives, then wolfsbane in the wounds, then silver. Every time he came, and I didn’t react the way he wanted me to, he escalated.
” I must have gasped because she tried to pull her hand away, but I tightened my grip.
“I tried faking it, but it was like he knew, and he would get worse.” Her eyes closed. “Then he changed his mind.”
“Changed his mind how?” I raised an eyebrow.
She nodded, still looking away, and let out a shuddering breath. “He overheard Vince and Brandon talking about you and the stupid fucking superstition of Alphas.”
“What are you talking about?”
She finally looked at me, and a tear spilled over and trailed down her cheek. “The superstition that an Alpha won’t come into his full power unless he mates with his Goddess-given mate.”
“Oh…but what does that have to do with you and Derek?”
She laughed. “It doesn’t. He’s just stupid.
He came up with the idea that he would become stronger if he mated me…
” She closed her eyes, and another tear fell.
“He tried to be sweet, to win me over, but he was already tainted to me, you know?” I nodded.
“He tried everything to get back on my good side, but why he thought it was possible, I have no clue.”
“He tortured you…” I said it, and I was at a loss. “Why would anyone think he could make you love him again after he tortured you?”
She slammed the table with her free hand. “That’s what I said.” Her voice was almost a bellow, but she deflated. “He was stupid, but persistent. And when I kept rejecting him. Well, that’s when he started to take it anyway.” She turned her head, and a small sob escaped.
“What are you saying…he took your love?” I was exhausted, so my brain wasn’t making sense to me. I heard her growl, but I squeezed her hand. “I honestly am just confused. I didn’t ask to push you…but I’ve been fighting, moving, running for almost two days just like you…I just don’t understand.”
Her growl cut off. “He tied me to a table and then took the thing I kept for my mate.”
It clicked in my brain, and I gasped again. “He…forced you to-”
“Please don’t say it.” Her voice was a rough whisper. “If you say it…then I will have to relive it, and I don’t think I can.”
“Hey,” I called to her as I squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. You are here, and he’s dead.”
She nodded once, and I could feel her relax a little. “So he started that…multiple times a day. He said he was going to drain the strength out of me. And he was right. Every time I felt worse, and I would think, ‘this is it. It can;t get any worse.’” She shuddered. “Then Vince walked in.”
My stomach dropped. I knew what she was going to say next, but I didn’t want to be right. “Please…Goddess save me, but please do not say what I think you are going to say.” It was a whispered prayer. But it was one that would go unanswered.
“I remember his face when he walked in the first time. I was tied to the table on my stomach, and I met his eyes as Derek was inside of me. I felt dead inside, but his eyes still made me look away, ashamed. But he just laughed. And called me a whore.” She shook silently as she sobbed, as tears trailed down her face.
Finally, her eyes met mine. “He watched from outside the cell the first few times. Conveniently, he would always come in a few minutes after Derek. Said he had pack business to discuss, but we all knew the truth. Derek liked the audience. But Vince was working his way in.” She shook her head.
“They came together one day, and I knew.” She gagged.
“Every day after that they walked in together. Sometimes more than once, and then Morgan…” She shuddered again.
I watched her skin ripple with fur. Her wolf was doing her best to comfort her. “And Brandon.”
“No.” It slipped from my mouth.
She nodded. “The four of them took a lot of pleasure in my misery.” She wiped her face. “I lost myself.” She pulled her hand away and used both her hands to wipe the tears away. “Ever time they raped me…a little piece of me died.”
“Lynn...” I felt horrible. But what do you say to a woman who went through the worst thing anyone had to survive? “I think that is a normal response.”
“You don’t understand.” She looked at me.
“I was teetering on the edge of going rabid.” She tried to pull away again.
“I did go rabid.” Her confession shocked me.
“I let my wolf take over and hid.” She shook, and I could see shame on her face.
“You have always been nice to me…but I don’t deserve it. ”
“Lynn.” I stood and crouched in front of her chair. “I want you to look at me.” She shook her head as tears coursed down her face. I grabbed her cheeks and forced her to look at me. “You didn’t go rabid.”
“I did.” She sobbed, and my heart broke for her. “I let my wolf take over.”
“I do that all the time.” My confession had her reeling. Her back shot back against the chair, and her mouth and eyes grew wide.
“What are you saying?” She grabbed at me while hushing me. “You can’t say that out loud.”
“Why not?” I was very confused by her reaction.
“My father always said that if we allowed our wolves to take over, then we’re going rabid.” She shook her head. “My old pack killed people who allowed their wolf to front.” I realized I had never heard Lynn’s wolf. Not once. And now I understood why.
“Lynn…” She shook her head again, and I grabbed her hand again and shook it. “Your father’s pack still followed the old laws, right?” She nodded. “Then why the hell would you believe anything they said?”
She froze. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying any normal relationship between us and our wolves involves times where we allow them to take over.
It gives them the freedom they crave, and us a break.
Every wolf should do it. I allow Nix and Megan to take over from time to time.
” I laughed, but I cut it short when I saw her face.
“When I was a kid, my father brought me to a wolf's house. We had to deliver the news that he had lost his mate and pup. He went rabid.” I rubbed my second hand over hers. “His eyes turned red. He went fully wolf. His pain killed his human soul. That’s how it works.”
She shook. “But that’s not what we are taught.”
“Lynn, you were also taught that women are less than men. And we both know that’s bullshit.
” She smirked a little. “Your wolf took over because she saw you were breaking.” I leaned into her and pulled her into my arms. “You went through a nightmare.” I felt her trembling.
“Something that no one should go through. And you are allowed to lose yourself because of it.” I pulled back so I could look into her eyes.
“I need you to look at me when I say this.”
I waited until her eyes met mine and she flinched away a little. “I can’t.” Her eyes danced around.
“Yes, you can…because you are the strongest wolf I have ever met.” I let my words sink in and then I tightened my grip on her back, and cupped her cheek, forcing her face up.
“Now look into my eyes.” Her eyes rolled for a few more seconds before she finally looked at me.
“Listen to my words, and I need you and your wolf to listen to what I say. Okay?” She nodded slowly, and I waited for another second before I licked my lips.
“You never have to apologize for what you had to do, endure, or say to survive.” Her eyes widened, and I knew I had hit a nerve.
“I am not stupid enough to think that when the three of those men were using you, that they didn’t do absolutely everything they could to cause you pain.
I don’t have to see your skin to see the scars they left on you.
Men like that are fucking disgusting, and they will force you to do what they want.
Whether it is through threats, torture, or worse.
” She gagged, but I didn’t move. “You never have to apologize or feel ashamed of what you survived.”
“You can’t mean that.” Her words were whispered, but I heard the hate she had for herself.
“I do. A million times over, I do. I don’t care what you did. I don’t care what you said. I don’t care about anything that you did in that jail to survive.”
Tears overflowed her cheeks. “You can’t mean that.”
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I mean every word.” Nix pushed forward, and I felt my eyes shift.
I pulled back enough so she could see Nix’s eyes.
She pushed forward until I felt my fangs descend and my voice shift.
Her smoky voice filtered through my lips.
“Understand us when we show you the truth, young one.”
Lynn snorted. “I’m older than you.”