Chapter Fifty-Two
Icollapsed against his chest. A chest that no longer rose. “Baby.” My mother’s choked voice called to me, but I shook my head. I felt her hands tug at me, and I shook her off again.
“NO!” I screamed. I sat back and stared at everyone staring at me with pity in their eyes.
“No.” I shook my head. My chin trembled as I threaded my fingers through Rowan’s.
“How is this fair?” I slapped the tears on my face away.
I turned to my father. “I did everything I was supposed to do. Everything you made me do.” I felt anger build in my chest. “I listened to you while you puppeteered from behind the scenes.”
“Ladybug.” He tried to step close, but I glared at him.
“I wasted three years with my fucking mate because of you.” A sob broke free.
I felt like I was choking on all the pain.
“Three years.” I turned back to Rowan. My hand cupped his cheek.
“Goddess, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened.
” I collapsed against his chest again. “I shouldn’t have listened to you. ”
“Baby.” My mother’s hand trailed up my back. But I could hear the reproach in her voice, and that pissed me off more.
I turned on her. “You think I’m being mean.
That he doesn’t deserve my anger?” I could see it in her eyes that I was right.
“You still have a mate that you get to love. Get to have more pups if that’s what you choose.
Yes, I know these last twenty years have been horrible, but he is still alive.
Still here. You don’t get to condemn me because I’m angry that my fucking mate died.
” She reeled back as if I had hit her. “I gave everything for this fucking world. I lost my first pup. I fucking died, only to come back and lose everything.” My hand clutched at my stomach.
“You don’t get to be mad. You don’t get to look at me like that.
Not when I spent years sacrificing everything for this moment. ” I turned away from her.
“That’s not-” She tried to fight, but I whipped back around.
“That’s exactly what you were doing.” I bared my teeth at her, tears still coursing down my face.
“You might be fine with him pulling your strings, but I’m not.
Not when it cost me three years of love.
Three years of safety. Three years of happiness.
You don’t get to fucking play like he’s the greatest man alive when my mate is growing cold at my feet. ” She stumbled away from me.
Good. Fuck them. Fuck everyone.
“My sweet girl.” Her voice trembled as she slid next to me.
“Grandma.” My voice caught. I turned to her, my voice horse. “He’s gone.”
She pulled me into her arms, and I broke. My tears came faster. Sobs were ripped from my chest. “It’s okay, my love.” She tightened her arms around me. Her hand tracing circles against me.
I pulled back, stunned. “How?”
She smiled at me as she wiped the tears from my face. “I called in a favor.”
“I can’t lose him.” My hand tightened in his. I heard tiny footsteps, but I wasn’t fast enough.
“DADDY RO!” Carly’s broken sob had my head dropping. I watched my tears land on my grandmother’s dress as Carly dove against Rowan’s chest. “No.”
I had to take a moment before I turned to her. “Sweetheart.” I stumbled over the word. I turned to her, and she looked up at me with broken eyes.
“He can’t be gone.” She shook her head, sending her little pigtails flying. “He promised to teach me how to ride a bike.” Her little hands wrapped in his blood-soaked shirt. “He promised to teach me how to fight. I wanted to protect you. He said we would protect you together.”
I licked my trembling lips as I tried to think of something to say. “I know.” I blew out a breath. “He did protect me. He protected everyone.” I closed my eyes, and I heard others start to break through.
“Amy.” Wendy and Toya stepped out of the crowd.
I looked up at my friends, and I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
My dad dropped to his knees. “Baby, please.” He crawled towards Rowan. “Forgive me.”
“STOP!” I screamed at him. “I might learn how to forgive you, but it’s not going to be today.
” I leaned against my grandmother. “I know I’m not thinking clearly.
And that hating you isn’t fair, but it’s all I have left.
” He paled. “I have nothing left. I have nothing but this hate burning inside of me, and if I didn’t have Carly, or if I knew that the spell I just created would hold after I died, I would join him.
But I don’t know, and I am not selfish enough to condemn thousands of souls to torture or worse at the hands of humans.
” I looked down at my mate. “So you will have to forgive me when I say this, but the only thing keeping me on this earth is the burning hatred I have for you right now. The fact that you repeatedly kept me away from my Goddess-given mate for your own agenda has created a red-hot hatred that I am going to allow to burn until I remember what it’s like to survive again. ”
“Amy.” My mother admonished me, but I ignored her.
I stood on shaky legs and stepped over my mate.
My dad’s eyes stayed on me, and that pissed me off.
“Look at him.” I growled, pointing at Rowan’s body.
My father shook his head, tears falling down his cheeks.
“I SAID LOOK AT HIM!” I screamed as I stomped over to him.
Instead of listening to me, his eyes followed me.
“Amy…please.” He tried to grab my hand, but I grabbed him by the throat. I pulled him to his feet while people around me started to yell.
Uncle Ronnie came to my side. “Amy, ladybug, you can’t kill your dad. When the anger fades, you will hate yourself.” He was the only smart one.
I turned to him with a sad smile. “I know Uncle Ronnie. I’m not trying to kill him.
” I felt the edges of my smile quiver. “I just need him to see what he’s done.
” I swung around, pulling my father with me.
I forced his head down to look at Rowan’s body.
“Do you see him?” Fresh, hot tears cut rivers down my bloodstained cheeks.
“Aurora stabbed him in his heart, but you are at fault.”
He shook his head. “No.” He tried to deny it. I released him, and he stumbled back a step. “I didn’t do this.”
“Let’s tick off everything you did wrong that caused my mate’s death.
” I lifted one finger. “You chased your mate away because you thought you knew better.” I lifted another.
“Then in your own anger you allowed your pack to fester, having unranked members bully others. You allowed Aurora into your pack without vetting her. You allowed her to run free and torment weaker members. You allowed her close enough to put a spell on you.” I waved my hand in his face, all five fingers up.
“And I’m not even done listing.” He shook his head, denying it, and something inside my chest snapped.
I balled my fist and struck. I had never hit my father with my full power until this moment, and when his head snapped to the side, I felt nothing.
Not relief, not anger, I felt nothing towards the man I knew deep down I still loved.
I turned away as my mother screamed, but my dad grabbed my hand.
“I’m sorry.” His words were soft. “I deserved that.” I looked at him, and I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t mad. His eyes were filled with regret.
“Gavin.” My mom tried to argue, but he shook his head.
“She’s right, Ainsley.” He looked at me and slowly let go. “I deserved it. I deserved much more than that.”
I walked back over to my mate, and I dropped beside him. There was something I needed to know before I made my final decision. “Grandma…” She must have heard something in my voice because she shook her head.
“No.” She refused to meet my eyes.
“Please.” I grabbed her hand. “I need to know.” She shook her head.
But it was Toya who dropped down across from me, grabbing Carly. “Amy, you can’t.”
I turned to her, and I struggled to find the words. “I know you all would watch over her.” I bit my lip as I turned back to my grandmother. “Can the spell survive if I die?”
My grandmother stared at me for a few seconds, silver tears falling from her cheeks. “I don’t know.”
“Then who would?” I squeezed her hand.
She gripped my hand back. “The goddesses, maybe. Or the gods you bound the spell with.” I nodded once and closed my eyes.
“Amy, I forbid you from taking your own life.” My mother snarled.
I opened my eyes, and she reeled back. “You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.”
She stammered. “I’m your mother.”
“AND I’M YOUR QUEEN.” I screamed, my pain and anger rearing its head.
The group surrounding us went quiet. “I am not asking your permission to do anything.” I glared at her.
“You may be my mother, but you are not blameless here. You knew.” She stumbled against my father’s chest. “I am not stupid enough to believe that once you and Daddy started talking again that he didn’t come clean to you.
That’s why you wanted me to read the letters.
That’s why you were pushing me to forgive Rowan.
Not because you liked him, but because you were trying to undo all the damage your mate caused me.
Your child.” I snarled again, Nix and Megan’s anger twirling with mine.
“Now you will forgive me as I fucking ignore what you want.” I closed my eyes.
“Selene…Hecate…I know you are watching. I have given you everything I had. I have given you two lives. I have devoted myself to following everything you have asked.” I took a moment to swallow my pain.
Carly’s tiny hand slid into mine, and I failed.
A sob broke free. “I just want to know.” I looked down at Carly, and she smiled.
“It’s okay momma. I understand.” She smiled as her eyes grew red and tears fell. “You will visit with Daddy still right?” She understood. This little girl who had lost everything was understanding my pain, but my own selfish parents couldn’t.