Chapter 19 Weak
Weak
That evening, while Luca played video games with Finn, I set my book aside and retraced my steps to Cade’s office. The door opened to show my fated mate with his face in his palms, elbows on his desk. He glanced up and a wave of irritation flooded our bond.
“Come to torture me some more?” he growled.
It was tempting to turn and run, but I was not a submissive blood slave anymore. Clearing my throat, I stepped closer.
“I wanted to know, what needs to happen for you to be ready? Do we need to remove the vampires from the territory? Do you need time to process?" My fingers twisted the hem of my shirt nervously. “Or do I need to change for you to want me?”
A pained look flashed across his face as he sat back and regarded me. Finally, he sighed and his shoulders relaxed. “Look, I didn’t want this.”
“As you’ve said.” I bristled. “I didn’t want it either.
But now that we’ve got it, I can’t help but want you.
I know it’s just the bond making me feel that way, but I can’t stop it, we can’t turn it off.
It just is. And I don’t want to fight it.
And despite how you’ve treated me, Luca insists that you’re a good guy, and it probably makes me an idiot, but I’m willing to try. ”
Tensing, I waited for his anger, but nothing reached me. Cade watched me with those warm, golden-brown eyes. I wanted to sink into them and lose myself.
Images flashed in my mind of me crossing the room, sinking down, and freeing his cock.
Blinking, I frowned. That didn’t feel like my imagination.
It had to be Cade.
I wanted him so damn bad, I would do just about anything. My body was screaming for him, even across the room. Steeling myself, I stepped closer, coming to the side of his desk.
His eyes narrowed, watching me as I knelt beside his chair. Slowly, I reached for him.
Cade’s hand shot out and grabbed mine, halting me.
My stomach flipped, scared I had made a huge mistake. Humiliation burned in my cheeks.
My fated mate leaned down, his face nearing mine. The proximity sent my pulse thundering. His tone wasn’t angry, but I flinched at his words all the same.
“Let me be clear. Just because we have this mate bond, doesn’t mean I’m going to accept you. We don’t know each other. Bonds are based on trust and respect, and I don’t trust you. And you’ve done nothing to earn my respect.”
Each word pierced my heart. Reeling, I pulled back, jerking my wrist from his grip. He watched me, expressionless, as I scrambled up and hurried to the door.
“Summer,” he called. I paused, bracing for whatever last shot he would take. “You’re going to start training to get stronger. Tomorrow, with Archer.”
I nodded stiffly and slunk through the door.
Luca was still occupied with the game, so I muttered something about taking a bath and fled upstairs.
The tears I was suppressing tumbled out. I choked on them, pressing my hands to my mouth to stifle the noise as I dropped into the bed.
Luca had convinced me that we could win Cade over. That I just had to convince him that I was safe and we would be this happy family together. I had waved my ass in Cade’s face while I sucked off his boyfriend. I was so stupid.
My skin heated until I was burning, my tears painful, and my breathing ragged. This hurt so bad. Gasping, I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to think of anything but the intense heartbreak.
Slowly, my crying eased. But the pain stayed, and in my calmer state, I could feel emotional pain echoed back from Cade. As if he was sad too.
Good, he should feel terrible. I hope my pain made him feel like a horrible person because he was.
The door creaked as Luca stepped in. I turned my face away, trying to hide the tear tracks.
“Hey,” he said softly, sitting on the bed.
My throat thickened, making speaking impossible.
“Cade was upset, and it took me a while to realize I could feel you were sad too, under all of his emotions. I’m really sorry. I should have noticed sooner.” His hand brushed down my arm. “Wanna talk about it?”
Sniffling, I rolled over so my body was facing away from him entirely. I could feel the mattress shift as Luca stretched out beside me. His hand rested on the curve of my waist and squeezed reassuringly.
Exhaling, I finally tried to answer. “I went to ask Cade what…” I choked, swallowed, and tried again. “What he needs to accept the mate bond. Like time, or the vampires gone…”
Luca slid closer, spooning me. We fit so perfectly like this. “That was really brave of you,” he whispered.
The tightness in my chest loosened.
“I wanted to help. But it didn’t go well.”
He waited silently, his body heat soaking into me. He was so patient, always letting me set the pace.
“He said he didn’t trust me and he wouldn’t accept the bond.” My voice shook as tears threatened. Giving in to the need to be held, I rolled over to face Luca and let him wrap his arms around me. With my cheek pressed to his collarbone, I let the tears fall.
Luca shushed me and smoothed my hair, holding me tight as I unraveled. The emotions ripped through me anew.
Fuck, I was so fucking tired of crying.
“I don’t want to keep trying to win him over. I thought we could do it. But it hurts too much when he rejects me,” I confessed. Each word scraped over my skin like jagged glass.
“Okay,” Luca said. “It’s okay, I understand.”
He held me for a long moment, and slowly I knit myself back together. I would be stronger, despite Cade.
Clearing his throat, Luca spoke. “I’m sorry it went that way. He’s being terrible. I won’t make excuses for it. But I’m here for you. I still want you. Please stay with me.”
I flinched.
The idea that I would lose him too had been needling at me. It was something I couldn’t face. But hearing his affirmations that I still had a place here with him, that fear softened enough I could tuck it away and pretend it wasn’t terrifying me.
“Yes, please,” I murmured, nuzzling against him.
The fact that Luca was committed to Cade was the inconvenient fact I was still ignoring.
But if Luca wanted to be with me, I would embrace that. I would enjoy every second with him, and make him so happy that Cade got jealous.
Petty? Maybe.
But at the end of the day, I needed Luca. I would fall apart without him. And even when I was strong enough to stand on my own, I wanted him.
Cade be damned.