Chapter 3
Chapter
Three
Iventured outside an hour or so later, tugging my cardigan closer as I walked the outskirts of Rowan’s main Keep area. The voices of other shifters deep in conversation filtered in and out of my conscience. Evie’s laughter made me smile, especially when I knew Rowan was the one to cause it.
I would have been welcomed if I’d gone over there and socialized, but Evie would know something was wrong, and I didn’t feel like talking about this.
Cernunnos wasn’t just a boyfriend. He was Evie’s father, and it was already weird enough. I wouldn’t burden her with my relationship issues. So I stayed in the shadows of the trees for a while before stepping inside the forest edging his property.
The smell of pine and flowers and green things was all around me, the land boosted by Evie’s power. Things that should never have grown here did just fine. Anywhere a Floromancer went, life followed.
Thanks to all the wolves and animals on the land, paths had already been carved through the woods. I wasn’t afraid of exploring Rowan’s land. Natural predators abounded, but I was just as much of a predator as anything that might find me. I could take care of myself.
Had I done myself a disservice by not moving from Rowan’s land earlier?
Evie and I didn’t want to be apart, but was I too close to everything?
Would things be different if I’d struck out on my own?
I could still live inside Emberwood, but not be so entwined with Rowan’s shifters, the Lords, and even Cernunnos.
Hot tears pricked the backs of my eyes. I felt used tonight, something I prided myself on avoiding. While Cernunnos hadn’t directly manipulated me into action, he tried, and that made me feel like shit.
He was good for me, but I’d forgotten who he was. The gods were manipulative, and he might be the worst of all. He’d done us great favors, and he loved Evie, but gods played the long game, taking the tiniest of actions in the present to affect the future, sometimes thousands of years later.
What had he seen or what did he know to do this to me?
I should have known better. Once again, when people showed you who they were, you had to believe them.
Otherwise, you could be me, wandering in the woods late at night, trying not to cry over what a fool you’d been.
I stopped at a massive tree wrapped with glowing pink flowers. The scent was similar to jasmine but mixed with a deep, intoxicating fragrance. I bent close and inhaled, making a mental note to ask Evie what these were.
After snapping a quick pic with my phone, I brushed my fingers over the glowing petals and moved on.
The moon lit up the ground, but it wasn’t full yet. I rarely went out on the full moon.
Rowan’s shifters, as great and friendly as they all were, got rowdy during the full moon, and you never knew when you’d stumble on a couple getting handsy or worse.
I’d seen far more of Rowan’s people than I ever wanted to on full moon nights and now tracked the moon phases on my calendar so I wouldn’t venture out and need an eyeball cleanse afterward.
Silvery light sent spidery fingers of shadow stretching over the trees and flora. Living things slithered on the ground, larger things crept quietly, the occasional crack of a branch letting me know curious creatures were following me.
I tucked my frigid fingers into my pockets, wishing I’d brought some gloves. I’d spent so long having no issue with fluctuating temperatures no matter how hot or cold, I kept forgetting my body couldn’t handle them now.
Another branch cracked, but this one sounded different. I went still, clearing my thoughts until I was only focused on my surroundings.
The scent came a moment later. I relaxed as Ethan came up beside me, holding out the exact thing I wished I had. Beggars could not be choosers, so I took the gloves and tugged them on.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Beautiful night for a stroll.”
“It is. The full moon is only a couple of days away. Figured I’d get my fill of it before Rowan’s shifters took over.”
A flash of white teeth in the night was the only sign of his amusement. “You’d have to be brave to wander outside during a full moon inside a Keep.”
“I won’t do it again, I assure you,” I grumbled.
His chuckle warmed me from the inside. He held out his arm. I stilled in surprise before wrapping my fingers around the crook of his elbow.
We started walking, navigating the smaller worn paths. I let go of my sense of direction and trusted Ethan. He would know the woods far better than I ever could. Even though these were Rowan’s, Ethan had spent enough time here to do a few runs.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked after a few minutes of companionable silence.
I should have known he’d sensed my distress. While I wouldn’t vent over my relationship status with him, I felt like I needed to tell Ethan about what was going on with me. Cernunnos would approach him soon and might not be nice about it.
When the god wanted something, he tended to get his way.
“Your concerns about my weight were valid, you know that.”
Ethan nodded. “And Cernunnos has been offering his blood.”
“He has.”
“Things worked better than you expected.”
“They have,” I agreed. “I feel better than I have in years.”
To my surprise, Ethan merely nodded. “I can tell. But that doesn’t explain why I smell your sorrow.”
“I won’t get into that,” I murmured. Ethan and I had an odd relationship, but this was between me and the god.
I wouldn’t talk about certain things with Ethan because they were not his concern, and I wouldn’t sully what I had with Cernunnos by venting to someone who wasn’t happy about us being together.
“Cernunnos has suggested I experiment with other food sources.”
Ethan stiffened just slightly. I wouldn’t have noticed had I not been touching him. “Oh? What sort of food sources?”
I tugged on his arm to get him to stop. Ethan stepped in front of me. He wasn’t massive like the other Lords, but he was taller than me. I tilted my face up to him. “Other blood sources. He suggested someone.”
At my long pause, one of Ethan’s eyebrows went up. “Do I know this person?”
I opened my mouth to tell him and snapped it shut just as fast. This was weird. I’d just ask Caelan.
“Yes, but I’m going to ask someone else,” I blurted.
Ethan frowned. “Who?”
“Umm. Caelan might be able to help me. I know Soren would, but we didn’t part on the best terms, so he might—”
“A Lord?” Ethan said softly. “Cernunnos wants you to take blood from one of my kind.”
I swallowed. “Not exactly,” I offered.
His eyes flared gold the second he understood. “Oh. He wants you to sample from me.”
I swallowed and tried to take a step back, but Ethan snagged me around the waist. “Uh uh,” he said. “You aren’t running away from this one.”
My fingers closed over his arms. “I—there’s nothing to worry about. I declined. Someone else will help me. If I—”
“Is my blood not good enough for you?” he asked softly.
I exhaled. “That’s not it at all, and you know it.”
“Do I?” he questioned. “You seem adamant about asking another Lord. Anyone except me.”
“Ethan. Things are complicated between us. A vampire bite is an intimate act.”
“I assumed from the blissful look on Cernunnos’s face,” he said dryly.
A surprised laugh bubbled from me. “I can make it pleasurable is all I’m saying, and if I were to take from you, I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’d hurt Caelan or Soren?”
“I don’t care about them as much as I do you. I’d take the steps to mitigate their pain or have them withdraw blood for an IV. There are things I could do to prevent any discomfort.”
“And me?” He brought his palm up to cup my cheek.
I shook my head. “I refused for more than one reason. Cernunnos is curious about you. Too curious. If there’s a blood link between us…”
“Would he know if there was?”
“I don’t really know. If it were anyone else, I’d say no. He has a way of knowing things no one else should.”
Ethan grunted.
“If you were willing, we could use an IV—”
His arms tightened around my waist. “Darling, if I were to feed you, I’d require a tap straight to the vein and your lovely lips locked around my throat.”
I blinked, desire flooding my veins. I tried one more time to step away. This felt too raw, too intimate for my current situation, but Ethan’s grip was like iron.
“And if I were to feed you, my condition would require I be the only one whose blood you consumed.”
I shook my head. “This is why we can’t, Ethan. There’s too much history between us. You complicate things for me.”
“And Cernunnos is not complicated?” He let out a raw laugh. “He’s a god, Moira. There are few more complicated things than that.”
“He is what I need at this moment in my life,” I said quietly.
“Despite what you might think, he is good to me.” With a gentle but firm push, I stepped out of the circle of his arms. “I was wasting away, Ethan. Slowly but surely starving to death without knowing why. He saw me and helped climb out of the hole I had no idea I was digging for myself.”
Ethan’s jaw tightened. “And you believe you owe him.”
I shook my head. “No. But he deserves my loyalty and fidelity. We made a commitment to each other, and I won’t be the person who goes back on my word.”
His nostrils flared, and I thought he might argue with me. Instead, to my surprise, he slowly nodded. “Fine then. My condition stands, though. If you are feeding from me, you’ll feed from no one else. Tell Cernunnos if he agrees, I will allow this.”
Why did all the men in my life insist on irritating me?
“I could bite you right now and you’d be helpless under my touch,” I snapped.
Ethan’s lips twitched. “You think you’d be so immune to me, Moira?” He took a step forward. “I recall how fast your heart beat when I touched you. How ragged your breath grew.”
I turned around and stomped away. “Forget it. I’ll ask Caelan!”
In a heartbeat, he stood before me. “No. You won’t.”
I shoved him away, but he was like moving an oak. “Then I’ll find my own source.”
Ethan watched me, his eyes narrowing. “Why is feeding from me bothering you so much?”
“First of all, you’re being an annoying dick about it, so there’s that.”
Ethan grinned, which sent my heart lurching.
“Second, I told you Cernunnos is too curious about you.”
“So you want to save me, little vampire?”
“Ugh. No. Right now, I want to stab you.”
His grin turned into a low-throated chuckle, one I’d never heard before. I almost stepped toward him before I stopped myself. This is why I couldn’t hang out with him.
He made me want things I could never have.
“He senses something different about your blood.”
Ethan stilled. “Does he now?”
I shrugged. “Is there something you want to confess?”
He snorted and stayed silent.
But I wasn’t finished. “Aren’t you worried if I taste you, I’ll find out what he’s so curious about?”
“And if you do?”
I threw my hands up. Ethan was hopeless. “What if he finds out through me?”
He tilted his head. “You’d tell him?”
I clicked my tongue in annoyance. “Of course not. He has other ways of finding things out.”
“Like when he whispers sweet nothings in your ear during intimacy?”
“We are not speaking of such things,” I snapped. “I don’t ask about your intimate secrets. Don’t ask about mine.”
Ethan’s eyes turned molten gold flicked with specks of midnight blue. “Unlike you, I do not have intimate secrets. My life is celibate and has been for years.”
My breath caught. “Ethan.”
Shifters need physical contact to stay grounded in their body. Sex and touch to them were imperative for survival.
His smile this time was humorless. “I see the worry in your eyes, Moira, but it is unnecessary. I am not on the verge of losing myself.”
I moved closer to him, reaching my palm up to cup his cheek. “How?”
His hand covered mine. “I never found anyone I wanted to share myself with.”
I was about to drop my palm, but he held my hand firm. “Until you,” he added quietly. “Knowing Cernunnos touches you is driving me slowly mad. Knowing I was the one who drove you to him makes it worse. Every night I think about—”
His nostrils flared as he dropped his hand. “I am sorry. I did not mean to—”
I shook my head. “This is the most honest you’ve ever been with me. Do not apologize.”
“Speak to Cernunnos,” he urged.
My smile was edged with sadness. “No. I am too…” I swallowed hard. “I care about you too much to betray your secrets. Cernunnos might be powerful enough to pry them from me. I could not live with myself if such a thing were to happen.”
“I would share them with you.”
My hand fell away from his face. “And I would keep them if I could.”
He took both my hands in his, callouses scraping over my gloved fingers. “You could take my blood now, nourish yourself.”
The temptation to do so was almost overwhelming. My fangs elongated, the toxin inside filling in preparation. I couldn’t bite him. Things would change if I did so, and not for the better. “I—I’m not hungry.”
“Oh?” he said softly. “There are many different kinds of hunger, Moira.”
“No.” I tugged my hands away. “Thank you for the gloves. I’ll return them later.”
“Keep them.”
I nodded. “Alright.”
As I stepped around him, I stopped. “I want to make it clear that I don’t need your blood. We’re merely trying to figure out whether Cernunnos’s blood is responsible for all my progress or if I can sustain myself on another kind.”
Ethan’s face softened. “Is everything alright, Moira?”
I forced myself to smile. “He’s a god, Ethan. There will be times he won’t be around. If I’m ever in need, I want to ensure I have a source of nourishment.”
I could tell Ethan didn’t believe me. His attention had sharpened, and he watched me like a shark smelling blood in the water. “Speak to him, or I will.”
I straightened. “No. We both know this is not a good idea. You obviously have additional reasons. If he senses something off about you, the last thing you want him to do is get closer to finding out what that is.”
Ethan smiled. “If there was ever someone I trusted to keep my secrets, it is you.”
While his faith in me warmed something cold and dead inside, I was still just me. “I cannot hope to go against a god.”
He tilted his head, a ring of gold around his irises. “If Cernunnos forces you to reveal information you do not want to reveal, perhaps he has not saved you at all.”
And on that note, Ethan turned to go. “I will always feed you when you need it, Moira. All you have to do is ask.”
“That’s not true!” I called to his retreating back. “You’re the one who put conditions on it!”
He turned, his handsome face in profile, and smiled. “I am both a man and a wolf. Why wouldn’t I put conditions on a beautiful woman putting her teeth in me?”
With a flash of light, a silvery wolf stood before me, golden eyes glowing in the moonlight. He huffed at me and leapt into the night.
“Ass,” I grumbled.