Chapter 31
Chapter
Thirty-One
Iwas so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open.
Taking ownership of that spell had taken something out of me, something so vital I was struggling to do anything.
Food helped a little, offering me a small bump of energy I could use to get through the day, so I’d taken to eating like a horse.
If it was available and I could digest it, I ate it.
My grocery bill had all but doubled. Not a big deal, but I knew this couldn’t last forever.
I needed blood, and I wasn’t sure I should take Cernunnos’s anymore.
His power had run out far too fast, and that disturbed me.
He was the most powerful fae in the world, minus Evie, and you’d think that would give me a boost.
I’d managed about four weeks before the fatigue had slowly set in again. Not too much better than being on human blood. I finished my bowl and eyed the stove, wishing I didn’t have to get up for more food, when Ethan took my dish and refilled it.
“Thanks.”
“My pleasure.” He was staring at me funny.
“What?” My fork froze.
“I don’t think you’re alright,” he said quietly. “What do you need?”
You, I wanted to say. For this all to be over. To rewind the last several months and pretend he hadn’t walked away from our potential. For Sarah to have stayed in the grave and not come between us like this.
I swallowed hard and shoved those words and feelings down deep. “Nothing. The food is helping.”
“Liar,” Ethan said softly.
Damn shifter senses. “I know shifters can be mother hens, but there really is nothing to worry about.”
His eyes widened in mock outrage. “Mother hens?”
“Yes,” I grumbled. “You have enough to worry about with your own people. Rowan and Evie can help if I really need someone.”
“Liar,” he said again, his voice quiet and probing.
“I’m not lying. They would help.”
“But you won’t ask them.” He scooped up the last of his pasta.
I wouldn’t, but he didn’t need to know that, so I stayed mulishly silent.
He chuckled.
“Did you need something tonight?” I realized I hadn’t even asked him why he was here.
When I felt his presence at the door, I hadn’t even cared. I wanted to see him, spend time with him as we had in the past.
His brow furrowed. “She threw my cookies away,” he blurted.
I stopped chewing and stared. While a big part of me wanted to rage at the bitch throwing away homemade cookies, it wasn’t my right to be angry. I was a woman who’d given someone else’s significant other homemade food.
And given it to a shifter, nonetheless, which was the equivalent of taking my shirt off, shaking my boobs at him, and moaning, “Take me, you big handsome man.”
Shit. I’d fucked up and hadn’t even realized it. “Oh.”
Ethan set his bowl down and shifted, sighing as he settled deeper into the chair. “I just realized it,” he said gruffly.
“Me too.”
Our eyes met. “I didn’t think.”
“I didn’t either,” he admitted. “Taking food from you seems so natural.”
“That’s because I feed you all the time,” I said, wincing when I once again gave too much away.
He should have called me out on it the first time I said too much, but like me, I think Ethan didn’t want to shatter this time together.
Since he was here, I could try to begin the unraveling of the spell I’d taken.
But I could wait a little while, enjoy him a little more before the real world intruded once more.
“Want some cookies?” I asked.
Ethan poured us both another glass of wine. “You stay,” he commanded. “I’ll get them.”
He brought back a plate filled with each variety and let me choose first. I took a couple of chocolate chips and one sea salt and caramel.
After eating a few, Ethan spoke. “What is this, Moira?” His voice was soft. “What were we? Why do I feel like we were far more than friends?”
I slowly shook my head. “We can’t do this. Not now.”
He set his plate down and moved from the chair to the couch.
I went still and resisted the urge to scoot away, even as I wanted to move closer and rub my face on him like a cat. He lifted my calves and settled my legs on his lap.
“You’re freezing,” he mused, staring at my bare feet in confusion. “Why are you so cold?”
He’d forgotten how many sweaters and jackets he’d given me, how many times he’d brought me gloves.
“Side effect of my magic,” I told him once more. “Temperature control is difficult for me now. I usually wear a lot of sweaters.”
Toasty warm hands wrapped around my feet, and gods above, I sighed in relief.
Ethan chuckled. “Why aren’t you wearing socks?”
I was too tired to walk to the bedroom to get them and decided to make cookies instead because I was more hungry than cold. “Didn’t think about it.”
“Mmm,” Ethan said. “Where’s your bedroom?”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
His grin held a wicked edge. “So I can get you a pair of socks.”
I laughed nervously and pointed toward the back. “Top left drawer. Thick ones, please.”
Ethan stood and walked into my bedroom. I held my breath the entire time, and when he came back holding two pairs, I resisted the urge to break the spell right now and throw myself at him.
Holding onto this magic felt wrong, but Cliona insisted I unravel everything first. By doing so, she believed Ethan would slowly begin to understand what was happening.
His memory would begin to return until eventually he’d be able to break the spell without irreparable harm to his psyche or that corpse exploding like a nuclear bomb.
She wasn’t sure about the bomb part, but decided since my mother was such a bitch, something like that would probably happen.
“Gray or blue?” Ethan waved the socks.
“Blue, please.” I reached for the pair, but Ethan waved me away.
He sat back down and reached for my calves again, sliding hands over my skin.
My mouth went dry, and I froze like a scared rabbit. He took one of my feet and slowly put the sock on, taking much more time than he needed. When both were on, I expected him to stand up and move back to his seat, but he didn’t. He stayed there and rubbed my feet.
I sighed and sank into the couch cushions, wishing things were different.
“I think I miss you, Moira,” he said suddenly. “I’m not sure why. The feeling makes no sense, but I do.” He chuckled. “Or maybe it’s the cookies I miss. Hard to say.”
I tossed a pillow at him. “It’s normal to miss your friends when you’re away from them.”
“Mmm. I don’t think that’s it.” He glanced at me. “And I don’t think you think so either.”
This wasn’t a safe conversation to have. Our eyes met. Ethan huffed. “Fine. Let’s pick something you are willing to tell me. How about Rowan?”
“What about him?”
“How did we become friends?”
I thought about it. “A lot of things were happening, requiring the Lords to convene increasingly often. You and I met again when Evie and I were on another Lord’s land.” My voice softened. “You brought me a sweater because it was cold outside.”
He snorted. “That doesn’t really sound like me.”
“You’re right. I thought the same thing.”
To my surprise, Ethan laughed. “Was I an asshole to you, too?”
“At first, but I don’t think you were ever as mean to me as you were to Evie. I wasn’t a threat to you.”
He huffed a laugh. “That can’t possibly be true,” he murmured. “I’d argue you’re far more dangerous to me than Evie ever was.”
His thumbs dug into the arch of my foot. A low groan escaped me.
“You’re holding a lot of tension in this area. If you were a human, I’d recommend seeing a doctor to get your kidneys checked.”
I blinked. “You’re into reflexology?” This was a side to him I’d never seen.
“Not really. Sarah insisted I learn it, mostly because she likes foot rubs.”
Ouch.
And just like that, the camaraderie between us shattered.
I tugged my foot from his hand and tucked my legs under my thighs.
Ethan closed his eyes. “Yep. I cringed as soon as I heard myself.”
“You should probably go.”
Ethan nodded. “I want you to know I’m going to figure this out, Moira. And when I do, I’m going to come back, and you and I are going to hash out whatever this is between us.”
I reached over and sandwiched his hand between mine. Magic rose between us, that awful spell wrapping around our wrists. Ethan’s eyes glazed over.
“Remember,” I whispered. “One memory at a time, Ethan. Remember.”
I let him go. The magic dissipated. Ethan blinked a few times.
“What was I saying?”
I stood, my legs still shaky. The food had helped some, but I was already hungry again. Not sure how much longer I would last without blood. I’d have to call Evie tonight and ask for her help.
“You were just saying you wanted to take some cookies home.”
“Oh.” He blinked again. “Yes. That sounds about right.” He put on his jacket and watched as I packed up his cookies. I put them in a paper bag this time because I didn’t have enough storage containers to keep losing them to Sarah.
I handed him the cookies and another bag I packed up for him.
“What are these?”
“Travel potions.” I explained how to use them and told him not to take more than one per day.
He frowned and peered into the bag before shaking his head. “Have I used these before?”
“Many times.”
Once he was at the door, Ethan stopped and turned. A weird look stole over his face.
“Ethan?”
“I—” He looked down at the cookies in his hand. “I like your browned butter chocolate chip cookies the most.”
Relief stole through me. “I know.”
He blinked. “I don’t know why I said that. But I do. How do I know that?”
“Seems like things are returning to normal. Head wounds are tricky things.”
Ethan held up the bag. “You know, but you didn’t make them?”
“I had no idea you were coming by today. Unlike you, I like all my cookies equally.”
He took a step outside and turned once more. “No,” he said quietly. “You like chocolate crinkles the most, but you only make them every once in a while because they’re time-consuming.”
It was true. I didn’t have the energy to make them today, even though I’d made three other varieties. But the base was the same for all three, so all I had to do was make one dough and add the extra ingredients separately.
When I didn’t answer, he smiled and winked. “I’m going to figure this out, Moira. And when I do, you’re going to answer all my questions.”
I shrugged. “Maybe when you figure things out, you’ll have all the answers you need.”
“We’ll see.” Ethan tucked the bag of cookies in his jacket pocket and turned to go.
I watched him until he disappeared into the night, not realizing I hadn’t a single clue as to how he arrived.
Weird.