Chapter Nine Bro Code #3
provided more evidence. Like when Jacob was so distracted when he was out with his coworkers that he missed Owen’s calls about
picking him up from the shop after the buses had stopped running, leaving him to walk most of the way home before Owen finally
bit the bullet and ordered a Lyft for himself.
Even smaller moments had started to affect Owen in ways that he hadn’t expected, like when he’d say something right to Jacob’s
face only for him to blink and ask, “I’m so sorry, baby. Where did you say you were again?” Because he hadn’t been listening.
It’s not like he was mad at Jacob. Hell, Owen had plenty of moments like that himself, when his focus drifted without permission and he asked Jacob
to repeat himself, especially when he was exhausted from work. Owen knew it wasn’t fair to hold Jacob to a standard that he
couldn’t meet himself all the time. They’re people, they’re flawed. And yet, he couldn’t deny that his feelings were still
hurt every time it happened.
“I still miss him,” Owen admits to Kevin. Every single morning, he wakes up eyeing the empty space next to him in bed. “Being
around him again has only made things worse, I think.”
Kevin’s face turns contemplative, and he goes silent just long enough for Owen to wonder if he’s going to say anything else. “What do you want, Owen?” Kevin finally asks. “If you could have your dream outcome here, what would it be?”
“I want him back,” Owen replies. “I want him to come back to San Francisco, and I know that’s selfish but it’s the truth.
I want him to be with me again, I want to sleep next to him, I want to make breakfast together and talk to him every day.”
Owen hesitates, realizing just how selfish he sounds.
“But . . .” Kevin prompts.
“But I want him to be happy, and that’s why I told him to go back to Duke, why I ended things so that he could leave without
having to worry about me.”
“And you think that worked?” Kevin asks. “Do you think he stopped worrying about you?”
“No,” Owen replies, voice flat.
“Are you happy?”
Owen doesn’t bother hesitating, because he knows the answer. And he’s already told Kevin so much of the truth. “No, I’m not.”
“Do you think that getting Jacob back will make you happy?”
Now that’s an answer Owen doesn’t have. Which is ironic, because he’s given it plenty of thought. He wants Jacob back; there’s
no doubt in his mind. But then he thinks about Jacob coming back for him. Packing up the life he’s built for himself with
his team and giving up all the time and hard work he’s put into his research, all to come back for Owen.
All so that Owen can feel less alone.
Maybe they’d be happy at first, riding the high of being together again.
But Owen knows those feelings would never last. Jacob would get antsy, sick of being in the same place all the time.
Owen would always wonder if he’d trapped Jacob, if Jacob secretly resented him for taking him away from the thing that he’d dedicated his life to.
Yet the most selfish parts of Owen’s heart still want him back.
He doesn’t care that Jacob might hate him, that their relationship would probably just fall apart all over again.
Only this time, the fallout might be so much worse.
That scares Owen more than anything: a world where Jacob can’t stand the sight of him.
“Well . . .” Kevin lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you what to do; no one can.”
“That’s incredibly helpful, thank you, Kevin,” Owen remarks sarcastically.
“I wasn’t done, rude!” Kevin shakes his head. “I know that I said the thing about the bird earlier, about letting people go even when we don’t
want to, but . . . you and Jacob used to make me believe in love. You actually used to make me jealous.”
“Seriously?” Owen asks, genuinely surprised.
“Yeah! I mean, there were also times you both made me sick to my stomach. Like when you’d tickle or play-fight each other
on the couch, or how you’d get all lovey-dovey and gross out in public.” Kevin makes a twisted expression, sticking out his
tongue. “I say this with every ounce of love I have for you two in my body, you were both so fucking gay.”
“I forgave the earlier homophobia,” Owen teases, “but I’m not sure you’re allowed to say that.”
“But other than that . . .” Kevin continues, ignoring Owen’s dispute of his allyship. “I don’t know, you two sort of gave
me the blueprint for what I was looking for in a relationship.” Kevin pauses.
“So . . . what are you saying?”
“That maybe . . . maybe you two are done. Maybe it’s for the best that you spend the rest of your time here working through things, getting to a place where you’re
friendlier with each other.”
Is that it, though? Is that all Owen can ever hope for?
“But also . . . I don’t know, you two could find something different. Something new. I think you’re doing yourself a disservice
by completely cutting yourself off. It’s obvious you both have a lot of feelings still.”
“And you really think things could end differently?” Owen asks.
Shrugging, Kevin says, “I have no clue, dude. But the way that you two keep bouncing around each other without actually talking . . .
that can’t be good. Communication is key in any relationship, Owen.”
“And where did you learn that?”
“Hey!” Kevin throws a defensiveness into his tone. “Believe it or not, cis men are capable of being emotionally mature on
their own.”
Owen eyes him. “And if I ask for a photo of the bookshelf in your apartment, there won’t be a copy of All About Love?”
“And now I’m being judged for reading! Unbelievable.” Kevin’s stern expression breaks into a smile as he finally stands. “Listen, all I’m saying is that I think
leaving things unsaid is the wrong way to go.”
“I’m not sure if I can be his friend again,” Owen admits. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
Even more than that, he’s not sure it’ll be enough.
“That’s fair.” Kevin nods slowly. “But maybe it’ll be helpful to give him a chance. You never know what’ll happen.”
That’s what scares Owen the most. The unknown, the not knowing. Kevin is probably correct, though. They’re not doing each
other any favors by cutting the other out completely. That’s no truce.
“Maybe just try opening yourself up a bit more,” Kevin offers. “Hear him out, what he wants to say to you. It could change things.”
It could. It could make things better.
But it could always end so much worse.
“Now, come on!” Kevin smacks Owen’s shoulder. “We’ll do chest press next!”
“Are you trying to kill me?” Owen groans, rearing his head back.
“We’re in international waters!” Kevin laughs. “What better place to do it?”