Gods of the Gates Cast Chat Sunday Night
Summer: Maria and Peter, welcome to the chat! You probably already know this, but I play Lavinia. I’m so glad you’re part of our
Gates cast now. ?
Mackenzie: Yes! Whiskers is so excited!
Mackenzie: I knew that even before he said so, because he cleaned himself with unusual vigor after we got the email
Mackenzie: Just went to town down there
Mackenzie: Didn’t you, Whiskers, didn’t you
Marcus:...
Mackenzie: Oh, and I play Venus!
Ian: Oh Christ, more costars, just what we needed
Ian: Some episodes, Jupiter’s barely on-screen as it is, which is a travesty
Carah: IAN, I’M FUCKING WARNING YOU
Ian: I’m Jupiter, obviously, king of the gods
Alex: No, you PLAY Jupiter, which is NOT the same thing
Alex: And don’t be a dick to our new castmates or I’ll find your main tuna stash and donate it to local sushi places
Alex: Every
Alex: Last
Alex: Goddamn
Alex: Morsel
Ian: You wouldn’t DARE
Asha: He definitely would
Asha: And if he didn’t, *I* would, so either be kind or be quiet, Ian
Asha: Welcome, Maria and Peter! I’ll say more later, when I’m back from Ibiza, but I’m delighted you’re part of our group. And
I play Psyche, the mortal who’s way too good for Cupid!
Asha: No offense, Alex
Asha: (he plays Cupid)
Alex: Offense! Offense, I say!
Carah: MARIA MOTHERFUCKING IVARSSON
Carah: YOU GORGEOUS SWEDISH BITCH, WELCOME
Carah: PETER “NEVER MET A ROLE I COULDN’T FUCKING SLAY” REEDTON
Carah: WELCOME, YOU TALL GODDAMN DRINK OF VIKING GOODNESS
Carah: I play Dido, the infelix regina herself, who’s also way too fucking good for her boy toy du jour
Marcus: I would dispute that, but we both know it’s true.
Marcus: I play Aeneas, BTW, the boy toy in question.
Alex: ZIP IT, EVERYONE, IT’S MY TURN TO OFFER GRACIOUS GREETINGS
Alex: Just letting you know, Peter, if you end up dethroning me in Fan Thirst’s “Celebrity Beard We Most Want to Ride” poll, REVENGE
WILL BE MINE
Alex: And it’ll be a dish served piping hot, because I’m an impatient son of a bitch
Marcus: Dude, you realize he doesn’t know you, and doesn’t know you’re joking, so that could be construed as a serious threat, right?
Alex: Whatever, he’ll eventually learn to appreciate all the glory that is moi
Ian: Don’t count on that, newbies
Ian: After almost two years working together, Jupiter still thinks he’s an asshole
Carah: Ian, don’t you have gross tuna smoothies to make, somewhere way the fuck away from your phone
Ian: Yup, my two-hour tuna timer just went off, Jupiter OUT
Alex: I will never forgive that smelly bastard for ruining poke for me
Alex: Anyway, glad you’re with us, Peter, you’re an amazing actor
Alex: Just work on making that beard a bit less lush and enticing, thanks in advance
Alex: And Maria, I Googled the living hell out of you after we got the announcement, and the casting director scored huge when
she found you
Alex: Also, all that body positivity and fat acceptance stuff?
Alex: LOVE IT
Alex: Anything I can do to help, let me know, my vast array of scintillating talents is at your disposal
Alex: Also my beard
Alex: My very thick and soft and lustrous and poll-topping beard
Maria: Thank you, Alex, and everyone else too
Marcus: I’m happy you’re part of our cast now, both of you. Maria, I watched your performance as Nina in The Seagull on YouTube.
Your acting was masterful and heartrending.
Maria: Thank you, that’s very kind
Marcus: Peter, I’ve seen so many of your movies. You’re very subtle and incredibly skilled at disappearing into a character.
Maria: Marcus, didn’t Peter guest-star on a series of yours years ago?
Marcus: Oh, lord. Which one?
Peter: Maria, I have no idea how you knew this, but: Creekwatch
Marcus: OH LORD
Peter: I played Drowning Guy #2, clearly a key character on the show
Peter: You ran into the creek in your Speedo to save me after making a speech about avenging your murdered sister
Marcus: Oh, fuck, I remember that now
Marcus: You were great, unsurprisingly
Marcus: The script was... less great
Peter: Hey, the paycheck cleared, right? Good enough.
Marcus: Exactly. EXACTLY.
Maria: I’ll bet you both appeared on the same show other times too
Marcus: Yeah. Maybe even shows that weren’t terrible!
Marcus: But probably not, given my acting CV
Marcus: Maria’s right. We should grab a meal and compare roles at some point, Peter. Next time you’re in LA?
Peter:...
Peter: I’d like that.
Peter: Thank you, all of you, for being so kind.
Alex: ... with one exception
Carah: Fucking Ian
Maria: Please don’t put that image in my mind, Carah, I don’t need sexual nightmares involving tuna
Carah: OH SHIT, I LOVE YOU ALREADY
Carah: WE’RE GOING TO BE BEST BITCHES FOR LIFE, AREN’T WE
Maria: