Chapter 2
2
By Friday, Esme found herself in somewhat of a catch-22 situation; she definitely needed a night out but wasn’t sure she had the energy to go. With Olivia being instructed to rest by her doting husband, Brodie, Esme had been left holding the reins which had meant she was rushed off her feet. Uncle Innes, as everyone affectionately knew Olivia’s relative, and Brodie were meeting with the Food Standards Agency to dot the final I’s and cross the last remaining T’s for the distillery so, unlike normal days, neither were available to help. To add to the workload, one of the gift shop staff had called in sick on Thursday and Paisley, the gift shop manager, had been unavailable, so Esme had even spent a couple of hours covering in there.
Even though the castle itself was closed over the winter and wouldn’t normally be due to open until Easter, the café and gift shop were still thriving. Things were about to change dramatically, however. With the film crew set to arrive after the weekend, castle tours were going to be drastically reduced for the first part of the 2024 season due to restrictions being implemented by the production company so as not to impinge on the working set. With this in mind, Esme had been in charge of implementing a new booking system with limited availability in advance of the new season. The stable block apartments had been fully booked out for film crew and actors and certain areas had been designated as no-go zones, which would reduce the footfall of general public into the grounds. Things were about to get busier in whole new way, although it would be quieter on the visitor front which would be strange for Esme. It was all very exciting and overwhelming simultaneously, like stepping into the unknown.
At three o’clock, Esme knocked on the door of the drawing room where Olivia was holed up with her baby girl.
‘Come on in! Please! I’m starved of adult company!’ Olivia called from inside.
Esme pushed open the door and found her boss on one of the squashy old sofas, Freya fast asleep in the crook of one arm, and a book in her free hand. There was a roaring fire in the grate and a wall of heat hit her, which was welcome as the castle boiler was under repair for what felt like the hundredth time that year, and it was only 1March. ‘Is there anything I can get you, Lady Olivia?’ Wilf and Marley, the two pale golden dogs, lay protectively at her feet and wagged their tails in greeting.
‘A new back to replace this one that aches non-stop these days?’ Olivia giggled. ‘And for the love of all that is fluffy and has paws, please, please just call me Liv, or at least Olivia. You’ve worked here ages now and I’d like to think we’re friends as well as colleagues.’
Esme felt her face warming and she cringed. ‘Sorry, force of habit. How are you feeling?’
‘Bloody tired out. But at least this wee one is on the mend now,’ she said, smiling lovingly down at the sleeping bundle in her arms. ‘Anyway, how are you?’
Esme nodded and plastered on a smile, even though she too was exhausted. ‘Good, good. The enquiries about the art space are off the charts and Eilidh from the film company has been in touch again. I said everything was on track for Monday as you’d instructed, and explained about Freya being poorly. She said not to bother you further and that she’d see you on Monday.’
Olivia rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, heck, thanks. I really should’ve called her back. She’ll think I’m avoiding her. It’s awful, really, I should be grateful that they chose Drumblair as their location because the boost to our finances has already been immense. I just feel quite daunted at the prospect of loads of camera equipment and cables being scattered all over the place. Not to mention the crew and actors.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be great fun when we’re in the swing of things and once we know how things are being run. It’s just the fear of the unknown at the moment.’
Olivia sighed. ‘Yes, I’m sure you’re right. I just seem to have acquired the ability to worry about every little thing since Freya was born. Anyway, enough about me. I’m aware this week has been a nightmare, how are you doing? And how’s that cute little pug of yours?’
Esme nodded. ‘Oh, Betty’s lovely. I’m not sure what I would do without her. We’re both doing well, thank you.’ She thought back to sobbing into Betty’s fur after reading the letter .
Olivia tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. ‘What’s wrong, Esme? You’re not your usual self. You seem a little out of sorts. Is everything okay? This place isn’t getting you down, is it?’
Esme was shocked at how perceptive Olivia was and her chin began to tremble, she chewed the inside of her cheek and tried her best not to cry in front of her boss. ‘No, no, absolutely not. Please don’t worry, I’m fine, honestly.’ She shrugged, knowing deep down that both her actions and her words were unconvincing.
Olivia patted the couch next to her. ‘Come on, I think I’ve grown to know you quite well and I can tell when something’s off with you. What is it?’
Esme sighed in what felt like relief that someone cared enough to enquire and she walked over and sat beside Olivia. Wilf, the golden retriever, stood and rested his head on her lap as if he too knew something was wrong. She stroked the soft pale fur of his head and took a deep breath. ‘I received a letter from my ex this week. And my parents are being far too overprotective of me, so I’m feeling a little stifled as well as heartbroken.’ Tears spilled over onto her cheeks.
Olivia placed her book on the coffee table and reached out to take her hand. ‘Oh, Esme, I’m so sorry to hear that. I didn’t realise you’d had your heart broken. You’ve hidden that so well, even from me and I’m like a detective.’ She smiled and nudged Esme’s shoulder. ‘Is he trying to get you back? Your ex? Is that why he wrote to you?’
Esme scoffed. ‘Nope. He sort of apologised for how he had treated me but doubled down on his reasons for doing so, so it was like being dumped at the airport all over again.’
Olivia gasped. ‘Hang on, he dumped you at the airport? This wasn’t when you were on your way back home after your travels, was it?’
Esme nodded. ‘It sure was. I was so angry and confused. He’d told me how much he loved me only hours earlier. It was a total bolt from the blue.’
Olivia squeezed her hand. ‘Look, I know I’m not your mum but… if you wanted to talk about it, I’d be happy to listen.’
Esme shook her head and waved a dismissive hand. ‘Oh, I don’t want to waste your time with my problems. You’ve got more important things to think about.’ She reached out and gently stroked the fine auburn hair on the baby’s scalp.
Olivia gave a sincere smile. ‘Freya’s sound asleep so I’m not going anywhere for a while. And if I can help at all I’d like to. You know what they say about a problem shared.’
Esme took another deep, calming breath and began the harrowing story of how her life came crashing down around her at Sydney’s Kingsford Smith Airport…
* * *
After that fateful meeting the morning after the attempted mugging, Esme and Rhys had spent almost a year travelling Thailand, Australia – Rhys’s homeland – and New Zealand and had quickly fallen in love with each other as Rhys acted as tour guide, taking her to all his favourite locations. He expressed his feelings for her very quickly and even though she was rather shocked at his admission, she couldn’t deny her own feelings. On the nights when they couldn’t be bothered going out, Rhys played movies on his laptop, and they watched them, wrapped naked in each other’s arms in bed together. Sure enough, his story about being a movie sound technician was true and he delighted in pointing out his name in the credits of each film he had worked on.
Esme couldn’t quite believe how lucky she’d been in meeting him when she wasn’t even looking for love. But wasn’t that always the way? Rhys was taller than her by four inches, which was quite nice seeing as, at five feet nine, she had always been tall and had towered over many of the boys her age at school. His light brown hair was sun kissed blond at the ends and his tanned skin made his eyes appear surreally blue, as if he wore contacts. He was the image of perfection to her, and she adored him, but he made her laugh too, a more important trait in her humble opinion.
The age gap of thirteen years didn’t even register in Esme’s mind and the more time they spent together the deeper she fell. He wasn’t interested in rushing into having a family and had made this clear from the start; she wasn’t sure if this was a warning or a reassurance. Although, as time went on, she discovered that his now ex-wife had had an affair while they were married but then divorced him because of his lack of desire to start a family.
The truth was Esme’s feelings ran so deep she would have done anything for Rhys. And that included having his baby, or even passing up the chance to be a mother – whichever was relevant. Although she didn’t voice this at the time.
Something was off, however, on the day of her planned return home – a date she had been dreading but couldn’t afford to rearrange – and she couldn’t quite eradicate the unsettled feeling in her stomach that caused a non-stop churning. Rhys had come into the airport with her as far as he was allowed but he proceeded to fidget with his necklace. He persistently chewed his nails and kept glancing at the departure board. Esme put it down to the upset he must be feeling about her leaving, she felt it too. In fact, she realised, that’s probably what the churning in her stomach was all about. Of course!
They grabbed a coffee at one of the concessions and found a table in a quiet corner. People around them chatted animatedly, no doubt excited for whatever adventures they were about to embark upon, but their own conversation was decidedly lacking.
Eventually Rhys spoke. ‘Look, Esme, I know I said I’d come over to Scotland soon but…’ He sighed and was evidently struggling to make eye contact. ‘We should be realistic about things. It’s over 10,000 miles away from here to where you’ll be, more like ten and a half… and as much as I care about you…’ He lifted his gaze and fixed it on her with clear determination. ‘And I do care about you… I just don’t think long distance will really work.’
Care about me? Ouch . She shook her head and forced a smile, not really appreciating his timing, nor his sense of humour. ‘Ha ha, very funny, Rhys.’
His brow crumpled and he shook his head. ‘I mean it, Esme.’ His voice was filled with a sad resolve. ‘I’m being serious. I… I think it’s time to let go.’ His chin trembled and he cleared his throat. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.
His words were like a sucker punch, pulling the air from her lungs so that she was unable to speak for a few seconds. Her eyes stung as she fought back tears. She searched his gaze, hoping for him to burst into laughter and tell her he’d got her good like the prankster he was; plastic spiders on her pillow, jumping out from behind doors, and so on. But alas, that didn’t happen and the weight of the realisation that he wasn’t joking pushed her down until she felt sure she would disappear into the tiled floor beneath them. Her heart squeezed uncomfortably in her chest and her mind raced, fighting for the right words whilst trying, desperately, to make sense of his .
This can’t be happening. Not now.
She swallowed hard, her throat dry and restricted by a hard ball of emotion. ‘But… I-I don’t understand. Only last night you said you were sure we could do this. You said you loved me enough to make it work. In fact, it felt as though you were trying to convince me , as if I was the one on the verge of backing out. And now you only care about me? You have to be joking. You can’t be serious, Rhys. Please don’t do this now.’ She tried hard not to sound like she was begging but she could hear the desperation in her own voice.
She couldn’t bear it. Her heart was shattering into a million pieces, and she was about to get on a flight that would take her to the other side of the world. Over 10,000 miles away, as he’d just pointed out. She was acutely aware that the chance of sorting this madness out once she had left Sydney would be virtually non-existent and the thought that she might never see him again took her breath away once more. Her heart pounded at her ribs now until it was almost painful, and she placed her hand over her chest. She saw stars dancing before her eyes and a ringing sound reverberated in her ears, almost drowning out the whooshing sound of her blood pumping way too fast, but not completely. The voices of the other travellers receded until they became echoes at the end of a long tunnel.
Oh, God, please don’t let me pass out.
He reached out and patted her arm in a rather poor and patronising attempt at comfort. Then, as if realising his actions were useless under the circumstances, he withdrew his again rapidly and ran his fingers back through his thick, floppy hair and cleared his throat again. ‘I know. I know I said that,’ his voice wavered, ‘but I’ve been thinking about it all night. I’ve hardly slept because I just don’t see how we can do that. The time… and the expense…’ He shook his head and sighed.
Esme took slow, quiet, deep breaths, willing herself to calm down. ‘You said you had enough money to fund a few trips, and I said I’d do the same once I get a job. You even talked about looking for work in the UK. You said the film industry in the UK is buzzing right now and you’d love to be a part of it,’ she said, as if jogging his memory with his own words would miraculously change his mind. ‘So… again , I don’t understand.’ Tears escaped and slipped silently down her cheeks, but she swiped them away as quickly as they fell.
He lowered his gaze and fiddled with the paper coffee cup on the table before him, this was clearly difficult for him too so why the hell was he doing it? ‘The thing is, Esme, I was offered a job. A production company here in Sydney. It’s a huge deal and an offer I simply can’t pass up. It’s with Gadigal Films.’ He lifted his chin and pleaded at her with his eyes as if she should completely understand the weight of this news. ‘They’re massive, Esme. This is a fantastic career move for me and I’m ready to get back to it. I wasn’t expecting to be offered anything so good after taking a year off after the divorce, so you’ve got to understand how big a deal this is for me.’
She clenched her jaw hard until it ached. ‘But you’ll get vacation time, surely?’ Stop it now, Esme, you sound pathetic , she warned herself inwardly. ‘I’ve already applied for my return visa; with your encouragement, I might add.’
He leaned towards her and locked his determined gaze on hers once more. ‘Can we just…’ He shook his head and opened and closed his mouth a few times as if trying to find the right words, his nostrils flared and he swallowed. ‘Let’s just part on good terms, eh? Remember the fun we’ve had and move on with our lives.’
Her stomach roiled and she placed a hand over it. ‘The fun we’ve had? It was a little more than that, don’t you think? You told me you were in love with me after a week of us meeting. A week . I thought you were crazy, but you’ve told me repeatedly how much you love me since then. And I’ve done the same, because I meant it. Doesn’t that count for anything?’
He reached across to take her hand, but she swiftly snatched it away and a look of hurt flashed across his features. ‘Of course it does. We’ve spent some magical, special times together. I care deeply for you, Esme, and I’ll always remember what we’ve shared. I’ll look back on it all with such fondness and it’ll be…’ He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly.
She felt her lip curl. ‘Something to keep you warm on long winter nights?’ she sneered as the sickly words fell from her lips.
He sighed heavily. ‘That’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say?—’
‘Answer me one thing. Why have you chosen now to tell me? A couple of hours before I leave. How is that fair, Rhys?’
He scratched his stubbled chin. ‘I know the timing isn’t great, but… It would’ve been so much harder to tell you before now. It would’ve been awful for us both living together with that hanging over us for a whole month.’
Her stomach plummeted earthwards once more. ‘A month ? You’ve known about this job for a month, and you said nothing?’ She realised her voice was a little too loud now but frankly she didn’t care. ‘You’ve let me believe that everything is great between us when all that time you’ve been working out how to end things with me and all over a damn job?’
His cheeks coloured red, and he glanced around uncomfortably. ‘It’s not just the job… it’s… There are other factors.’
‘Other factors like what? Come on! Tell me the truth. You owe me that much! What is it? And why the hell couldn’t you tell me before?’
‘Never mind, Esme. It won’t help matters because my mind’s made up.’ He sighed deeply and his shoulders slumped. ‘And like I said, I didn’t want your last month to be awful.’
She stared incredulously at this man she thought she knew so well. ‘Oh, well, that was so kind of you.’ Sarcasm dripped like putrid syrup from her mouth. ‘So all that crap you spouted last night about us spending our lives together, about us eventually getting married on a beach in Byron Bay, then relocating to the Highlands someday to bring up our kids, and how you were sure we’d make this work, it was all blatant lies? Because you painted a pretty bloody vivid picture for it to be a counterfeit.’
He spoke through gritted teeth. ‘No… no, it wasn’t like that… not exactly. I was still weighing things up. Trying to figure out what I wanted most of all.’
She scoffed and shook her head. ‘What you wanted most of all ?’ She was aware she was repeating him in the manner of a sarcastic and bitter parrot but really didn’t give a shit at this point. ‘Well, lucky you to have decided so conveniently for both of us just as I’m about to go back to Scotland.’ She thought back to the morning they had shared in bed and her skin began to crawl. She rubbed the goosebumps on her arms, leaned forward and hissed, ‘We had sex this morning, Rhys. We’ve had sex countless times in the last month since your deception began; if you hadn’t been stringing me along from the start, that is. How could you be so damned cruel? Why would you do that if you were going to dump me? Have I just been some casual fling to you? Telling me what you think I want to hear to get me in your bed?’
He glanced around again. ‘The sex has always been great between us, you can’t deny that you’ve enjoyed that too, Esme,’ he almost whispered.
A pain shot through her chest, and she gasped. ‘I enjoyed it because it meant something to me. I thought we had a future. You said we had a bloody future.’
He clenched his jaw, his cheeks colouring a deep pink. ‘Please lower your voice, Esme. People are looking.’
Had he expected her to be completely fine with being lied to and dumped like that? And in such a public place? If that was the case, he was sadly mistaken. She wasn’t prepared to let him off easily after how he had treated her. She stood rapidly from her seat; the force pushed the chair back until it landed with a loud clatter on the tiled floor. ‘Let’s give them something to look at then, eh?’ She picked up her cold coffee and threw the remainder at his face, causing him to gasp. She glanced around and, sure enough, all conversations had ceased, and every eye was on them. Thankfully, however, there were no phones pointed in their direction. The last thing she wanted, or needed, was to be internet famous as a jilted psycho.
She puffed out her chest and straightened her spine. ‘Don’t worry, Rhys, message received loud and clear. You’ve lied to me by omission for a month and even with that knowledge you’ve continued to use me for your own gratification, which says a whole lot about you as a person. Thanks for nothing. I’d say it’s been nice knowing you, but I don’t think I actually ever did. Goodbye, Rhys.’ She grabbed her suitcase and her backpack and stormed away in the direction of the departure gates.
* * *
Olivia hissed in air through clenched teeth before huffing it out again, her eyes wide and eyebrows raised. ‘Wow. What a total shit. You deserved so much better than that, Esme. He’s an absolute rat for treating you that way. I can’t believe he did that to you at all, never mind that he did it at the bloody airport. What a coward! And what did his letter say?’
‘That at the time he dumped me he had just discovered his cheating ex-wife was pregnant with the man she’d had the affair with, and it made him realise that he wants kids sooner rather than later. He also said that he thinks I’m too young to want that so breaking up was the best thing to do.’
‘Oh, God, it sounds like you had a lucky escape. He clearly has issues he needs to work through. Am I right in thinking your mum and dad are worried about how this will all affect you?’
Esme nodded. ‘They’re wrapping me in cotton wool and it’s driving me mad. I really think it’s time to find my own place and move out as soon as possible. I found out my dad wasn’t even going to give me the letter when he realised who it was from. It’s like they think I’ll fall apart at the mere mention of Rhys but I’m tougher than they realise. I can’t continue being treated like a child and I fear that as long as I live there that’s exactly what will happen.’
‘Have you started looking for somewhere?’ Olivia asked, her brow etched with genuine concern.
Esme sighed. ‘I have but there’s a serious lack of property for rent just now, especially ones that are dog friendly. And the ones that are for rent are either tiny, huge or I wouldn’t let a pig live in them.’
Olivia fell silent for a few seconds, a pensive crease between her brows. ‘I may have an idea. Leave it with me. And in the meantime, I hear the staff are having a night out. You should definitely go. I think you need to remember what fun is and get that man out of your system.’