CHAPTER 7
EMERY
My art has been the only thing that has kept my mind off Kade and the way the warmth of his body made me feel alive for the first time in three months a few days ago. Honestly, my art was barely enough, and I found my mind drifting far too much for my liking. The barrage of questions floating around in my head is not helping matters.
How the hell was he just there? Where the fuck has he been for the last three months? He told me he was going back out to work but that he had a week until that happened. I need some fucking answers.
Then maybe you shouldn’t have run out of the clubhouse like your ass was literally on fire.
Fair.
And believe me, Aunt Dot gave me a whole bunch of shit about it all the way back to her place before I headed to my apartment that holds far too many memories of my time spent with Kade considering we were only together for a handful of hours.
This whole thing makes me feel pathetic and I don’t like it one bit.
I could hardly fucking breathe with how close he was to me the other night. Everything was so damn overwhelming.
The way he looked at me. Like I was the inventor of gravity.
The way he smelled. Like I was coming home.
The way he made me feel safe. Like all I need in this world to protect me is his large frame and his will to make it so.
Talk about a damn mind fuck.
In the matter of a few moments, Kade made his possessiveness all too clear. And his desire for me.
But where was that for the last three months? Where the hell was that man?
I’m not sure if my heart could take him disappearing on me again. Was he gone because of the club? Was it his job on the rig?
I shake off my thoughts and make the stencils for the clients I have tomorrow. Again. Because I keep fucking something up. The first time I tried to complete the task, I used sketches for clients I have on my books for next week.
Yeah, a few minutes in Kade’s presence and I’m all out of sorts.
I should go home considering I’m done for the day. The problem is that I know my thoughts are only going to be worse if I go home. There I don’t even have the pretense of work to attempt to keep my mind off a certain aquamarine eyed man who manages to turn my entire being into knots with some growls and intense eye contact.
“Fuck,” I grunt under my breath, “what the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you Ink,” Kade’s voice floats in the air from the doorway and I spin towards him so fast that I almost go careening off my stool. He reaches for me as I get my wayward body under control and fix him with a glare that promises pain if he touches me. He holds his hands up in surrender, his expression contrite, but also a little amused. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“How long have you been standing there?” Did I hiss that question out? I’ll never fucking tell.
“Long enough to get a really good look at my woman,” his words are sincere as is the heat in his gaze.
I duck my head because being confronted by everything that is Kade is almost too much for my little heart to handle right now. With a shake of my head and a slashing of my hands through the air, I bat away his words. But it’s not enough to stop them from sinking deep into my soul.
“Not your woman,” I grit out, even though it’s almost impossible and they taste like a lie on my tongue.
“Yes. You are my woman,” he enunciates each word like they’re bullets he’s firing at me.
I tug at the threads of bravery within myself, ones that don’t come willingly or easily, and force myself to look him in the eye. “Considering you ran out on me three months ago, there’s no way I’m your woman.”
Kade’s shoulders slump, but it’s not in resignation, but relief. “Fucking finally,” he mutters.
My eyebrows shoot up toward my hairline in surprise. “Finally?” I don’t mean to, but it’s difficult to keep the screech out of my voice, “What the fuck does that mean?”
I should be quieter since the walls in this shop are paper thin and I don’t need to give my boss any more reason to be a dick to me. But come on. Fucking ‘finally’? Really?
“Now that it’s out there, in the open between us, we can talk about it, and I can set this shit right.”
I glare at the man in front of me, my brain having trouble processing the words that just came out of his mouth. I couldn’t possibly have heard him correctly. Right?
When I don’t say anything, Kade steps farther into my space. Just when I think he’s going to loom over me with his broad shoulders and his chiseled perfection—which is exactly what his body is because I remember—he drops down to his haunches in front of me.
My god the man is gorgeous. It’s really not fair. He has the whole bad boy thing down with the leather cut, strong jaw, and anguish filled eyes.
Do not fall for it. Do not fall for it. He left you without even a backwards glance. The connection you thought you had was just bullshit.
No matter how much I try, I don’t believe a single word of those thoughts. Or maybe I just hope they’re not true.
You won’t know for sure unless you give him a chance.
Damn it; not helpful.
“Ink,” he murmurs softly, a reverence in his voice that has my heart pounding in my chest. “First, let me tell you that I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up without me next to you after the night we spent together.”
I cut off whatever else he’s going to say because I’m not sure I want to hear that the night we spent together was less than what I thought it was at the time. “It’s fine, Kade. You don’t owe me an apology. I get it,” I don’t stop even when it looks like he’s about to say something, “it was just one night together.”
“No,” he barks forcefully. Then his large hands, calloused from the work he does, are cupping my face. “That’s bullshit,” his aquamarine eyes are boring into mine, the intensity of them pleading with me to listen and to believe. “What we shared was sure as hell more than just one night together and I sure as fuck owe you an apology.” When I allow myself to look at him, really look at him, I can see the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I told you that I was supposed to go back to work a week later.” When he pauses to make sure that I’m with him, I nod. “I was awoken by my phone ringing. I ignored it at first, but then it kept ringing. I didn’t want to wake up you and stepped out of the room.”
My heart sinks. Have I been pissed off this whole time because of an emergency? Something clicks inside of me with the way he’s looking at me.
With a slump of my shoulders, I whisper, “You were called back to work early, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, Ink,” he mutters. “Someone got hurt and they needed me to head back out early.”
“Then you don’t owe me an apology, Kade,” I insist. “An emergency is just that and you have to act fast.”
“No, Emery,” his voice is a gentle caress against my skin before wrapping around my battered heart. “I should have left a note. Hell, I should have woken you up and told you that I needed to leave and made sure to get your number before leaving.” He lets out a woosh of breath. “I missed you so fucking much.”
“You can’t always think of everything when faced with an emergency,” I argue.
Knowing that he missed me, and regrets leaving without a word or note to wake up to soothes something inside of me. I hated the thought that the night we spent together didn’t mean as much as I believed it did. I hated feeling disposable.
Honestly, I was starting to doubt myself. Because how could I have gotten it so wrong?
I wasn’t a fan of how disappointed I was that he was gone. It was easier to stoke the anger inside of me instead of the feelings of hurt. They sure as hell were there though.
And I can’t deny that I couldn’t stop thinking about him for the last three months.
I might be relieved that he’s apologized and explained himself, but that doesn’t mean I can let him completely off the hook right away.
He did leave without thinking of me in that moment. He’s right—that’s not okay.
His hands slide from my cheeks, over my jaw and down my neck. “That might be true, but I won’t let that shit happen again. I’m going to prove to you that you’re my priority.”
His words are practically fucking crazy since we only spent that one night together three months ago, but they also ring true. When I start to shake my head, he gives me a look that tells me not to argue with him.
“I’ll show you,” he promises before kissing my forehead.
Damn forehead kisses. Talk about my kryptonite. Why are they so damn potent? He might as well be waging chemical warfare.
Even though part of me believes him, words slip from my lips, “How can you show me? Your job is important, and shit happens. If you get called again for someone, I expect you to prioritize that.”
Kade shakes his head slowly, but he doesn’t look away from me or break the connection between us with our eyes. “I told you how long I’ve been working on rigs, right?”
“Yeah, ten years,” I rattle off like it wasn’t a small point from three months ago. “You would have chased your dreams if your dad didn’t pass away.”
Hell, the entire night is branded on my soul.
His voice is thick, “Yeah, Ink.” He swallows hard, his voice pained, “Mom is demanding as fuck. She’s stuck in her ways and refuses the club to help with expenses even though they’ve offered many times through the years. I’m pretty sure she thinks that if she puts me in a position where I feel like I have to be out on the rig, then she’s keeping me away from the club which she blames for Dad’s death.”
I blink at the man in front of me while having trouble processing what he’s saying. His mom used him as a meal ticket. She pushed him into a future that wasn’t about making him happy. No, she pushed her own fucking agenda.
Rage scorches through me and my hands fist on my lap. “She made you feel like you didn’t have any other choice?”
He runs his fingers through his hair and closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. “With Dad gone, I needed to help take care of my younger sisters.”
“You’re not their parent. You’re their brother,” I point out. “But, then again, I’m not close with my sister so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about,” I’m quick to add.
“You definitely know what you’re talking about. It wasn’t right how Mom used my sisters to manipulate me. I won’t be allowing it to continue anymore.”
I rear back from him, his words surprising the fuck out of me. The movement has his hands dislodging from my shoulders. I’m almost afraid to ask, but I can’t seem to stop myself, “What does that mean?”
“I need a change. I can’t keep doing this shit and working out on the rig. It’s hell on my body and while it’s good money, it doesn’t refuel my soul.” His hands grip my hips and squeeze as if what he’s saying to me is going to make me float away. He’s not fucking wrong. “I’m ready to chase my dreams.”
“Wow,” I whisper.
While I want to believe his words and leap, there’s a little niggling doubt in the back of my mind. Will he really be able to stop his mom from using the love he has for his sisters against him? That’s powerful leverage in her back pocket.
“Emma is about to graduate high school and then Miley only has one year left. The girls are almost completely out of the house. But I can’t do this anymore,” he confesses.
I nod as my mind spins. I hope he’s able to follow through. For him.
Kade glances around my room and a smile plays on his lips. “This place is great. You’re so fucking talented, Ink.”
His words wash over me and there’s no way to suppress the shiver that works its way through my body. I think I murmur a thanks, but I’m not sure because Kade grins which pulls my attention right to his delectable mouth.
The longer I stare, the more I swear I can taste him on my tongue. I’m not going to lie; I want to taste him again. I want to kiss him again.
I want it all again.
When I try and look away from him, he grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His touch is gentle as he uses his grip to make sure that I’m looking right in his eyes.
“I don’t think I could ever explain how much I missed you, Emery. I just need one chance and I’ll never allow you to feel like it’s a mistake.”
Warmth blooms in the center of my chest with his words. Before I can say anything, he takes my mouth in a demanding kiss. Everything from the night we spent together comes rushing back through me.
All the touches.
All the pleasure.
All the connection between us.
It’s still there and it doesn’t matter how pissed I’ve been for the last three months. Do I wish it had gone down differently? You better fucking believe it. But I can’t go back and change anything now.
It might not last, and it might hurt more in the end because of this, but I give myself into the kiss. I’m going to let go all the questions, the hurt feelings, and the raw edges for a moment. I’ve carried them with me for the last three months and it has been exhausting.
That doesn’t mean everything will be healed and forgiven. But I can do this.
I kiss him back, our tongues tangling together as the passion between us ramps up. When we pull apart, air sawing in and out of my lungs, he presses his forehead against mine and whispers, “I’ll make it up to you, Ink, and prove to you that I’m your man.”
All I can do is hope that he does exactly that. We’ll just have to see how it goes.