Chapter 7 #2
“No, I didn’t. She did,” I explained. “When have you ever known me to bring up any woman to you or Ma? Never,” I answered for him.
“So, what’s different about her?”
Sighing, I rubbed at my forehead, removing the tension there. “It doesn’t matter now, Pops. I’on fuck with her anymore.”
“You were just at her game yesterday.”
“And before the night was over, she had a problem, so I dipped. She asked me to stay away from her, so I am.”
As if Pen heard me talking about her, a message from her came through.
Mrs.: Hey. Can you come over, so we can talk?
My fingers weren’t quick to message her back, but I did turn my read receipts on just for her messages. I needed her to know that I was reading this shit. Fuck out of here with them mental games and shit. One minute she wanted me gone for good and the next, she wanted to talk.
“You didn’t answer the question. What’s different about her?”
Mrs.: I know I made you mad. I just want to talk and clear the air between us.
“Do I need to put ya mama on the phone, so she can pull whatever it is outta you?”
Chuckling, I replied, “Nah, Pops. On some real shit, I was really feelin’ Pen even though we were only friends.
When she’s not being mean as fuck, she’s a dope ass person.
I wanted you and Ma to officially meet her and everything.
Shit was just busy with her schedule. In hindsight, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
No need in getting Ma’s hopes up if it ain’t anything serious. ”
“My son having a female friend is serious. Sometimes we forget you’re grown and want to be all up in ya business, but we’ve been patient when it comes to Pen.
We were sure you’d be bringing her by at some point.
Ya mama didn’t want to push, and for once, I was happy she minded her own damn business. ”
We both busted out laughing.
Mrs.: Zeus… I see you reading the messages.
Me: You don’t get to call me that anymore.
“Well, it’s good things didn’t go far,” I stated.
“I don’t know the circumstances, but just like that, you’re done with her?”
“No choice but to be done with her. Some shit you gotta let go and realize it wasn’t for you.”
“In your case, she wasn’t for you.”
“Exactly,” I concurred.
“I wish things were different, but I understand. You gotta make sure you’re in the right place. Otherwise, ya life will never be truly happy. At some point, you’ll look back and regret either choosing the wrong one or letting go of the right one.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “It’s funny that I’on even have to question how you feel about Ma.”
“Hell, nah.” He snickered. “I chose right, and so did she. We’ve never regretted what we have and never will. She’s my life and I’m hers. That’s how it should be. Everything else is more blessings added to the blessing that our relationship already is.”
“I heard that,” I chimed.
Pops moved on to other things as I stared at Pen’s text messages. While I wanted to give in and respond to her other messages, I didn’t. One thing I wasn’t going to do was let her think shit was cool between us when it wasn’t.
PENELOPE
Exhaustion was the only thing that helped me find sleep last night. Otherwise, I would’ve tossed and turned the night away, reflecting on the way I’d treated Zoo. This morning, I woke up surprised to see him not lying next to me. Then it dawned on me that I’d basically told him to go fuck himself.
After preparing my own breakfast and sitting inside my empty house, I sighed in regret.
I sat on the sofa with the television down, watching sports highlights.
My face flashed across the screen, and for a second, I was tempted to turn the volume up.
Deciding against it, I watched my best highlights from last night, cringing at a couple of the plays.
The vibration of my cell phone had my heart galloping in my chest thinking it was Zoo.
Mimi: Come over when you leave practice.
Me: Ok.
Meanwhile, Zoo hadn’t replied to any of my messages and it clearly showed he’d read every last one of them.
The only thing he texted back was for me to stop calling him Zeus.
My stomach rolled just by knowing Zoo was purposely ignoring me.
I stared at my phone, thinking it would vibrate at any time, and it would be him apologizing for ignoring my message.
But no, he hadn’t texted me back yet, and honestly, I was worried as hell.
Needing to get to practice, I hurriedly dressed and rushed to the practice stadium.
Bri looked like she was ready for war, and I could imagine why.
She wasn’t pleased with any of our performances yesterday.
The lashing we took in the locker room after the game yesterday still burned my ears.
Nevertheless, it was her job to keep us in line.
Practice started cool, but halfway through, Zoo fell on my mind again. I was ready to get to my phone to see if he’d messaged me back. If he hadn’t, then I’d call him to see if he answered. My heart would be broken if he didn’t answer my call because Zoo never missed my calls.
“PJ!” Coach barked. “Where’s your head?”
The ball flew past me with me missing a pass I’d caught plenty of times. Sweaty and tired, I bent over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath. Smoothing my hair back out of my face, I stood back up and planted my hands on my hips. Everyone on the court had their eyes on me.
“I’m good, Coach,” I uttered.
Bri eyed me a few more seconds before blowing her whistle to resume practice. With what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders, I made it through practice. Seeing my phone free of any missed calls or messages made my eyes sting.
On the way back home, I mustered up the courage to call Zoo. His phone rang three times before he answered. I breathed a sigh of relief and actually smiled when I heard his gruff voice.
“‘Sup?”
“I’ve been messaging you,” I said as if he hadn’t seen his missed messages.
“Yeah,” was his response.
Heart sinking, I replied, “Can we talk, Zoo? I need to apologize for the way I acted last night.”
“So, apologize,” he simply stated.
“Over the phone?” I questioned.
Several beats passed before he said, “Over the phone.”
My eyes misted, distorting the traffic in front of me as I stopped for a red light. Zoo sounded so cold and mean…not anything like the Zoo I’d come to…love.
“I apologize for the things I said to you. You’ve been nothing but a good friend to me, and you didn’t deserve me coming at you the way I did.
I just feel like I have so much weight on me, and instead of finding something productive to do with my feelings, I let them get the best of me.
I took my frustrations out on you and not once did you deserve it.
Just because I’m overwhelmed and stressed doesn’t give me the right to say any of the things I said to you. I’m so sorry.”
By now, I had tears running down my face while admitting that I was overwhelmed. If it wasn’t for the call still showing active, I would’ve thought Zoo had hung up. He was so quiet. This side of him was foreign to me. I hated it.
“I get that you’re overwhelmed, Penelope.
Anyone would feel the pressure of such a task being placed on their shoulders.
You’re a professional athlete who’s playin’ for a championship.
Who wouldn’t be stressed the fuck out about that?
However, since we’ve been close, I’ve been steady about keepin’ you uplifted and encouraged.
All I can do is plant the seed, baby girl.
It’s up to you to water that part of Penelope, instead of the part of Penelope that likes to bottle shit up and wear it like it doesn’t cost ya whole mental to carry it.
I’m all for understanding you, but I’m not gon’ be that nigga you can beat up on just ‘cause you in a bad mood, overwhelmed, or stressed. I would never do you like that.”
Zoo had my eyes blinking heavily to rid the moisture from them. He’d called me Penelope one too many times and, knowing how much he hated my name, it only brought me grief. He was truly upset with me. I’d fucked up our friendship.
“You gotta be stronger than ya doubts, shawty. That’s the only way you gon’ learn to reign those muthafuckas in. Otherwise, they gon’ continue to keep getting the best of you.”
Gulping, I agreed with him. “I just want to know that we’re cool, Zoo. I didn’t mean a single word that I said. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“Of course, we’re cool,” he said. “I’ma support you, just from a distance. We’re just on different paths, and I understand that.”
My heart did a nosedive.
“Just like I’ve been telling ya hardheaded ass, fuck what these people outchea sayin’. It’s time for you to show them better than you can tell them why they shouldn’t throw dirt on ya name. That’s all on you.”
The phone clicked in my ear, hammering another nail in the coffin of my heart. Zoo and I weren’t even a couple. Yet, this call just felt like he’d broken up with me.
Deciding I couldn’t see Mimi today feeling the way I did, I sent her a quick text.
Me: I’m gonna have to come another day. I ran into an issue.
Mimi: ?? Everything okay?
Me: Of course. I’ll call you later.
Wasn’t a thing okay with me. And it was my damn fault.