13. Cassie
Cassie
I watch my brothers file into Prez's office, and every single one of them sees me standing there.
Not one of them so much as nods. They're my brothers, for God's sake, they could cross a room and say two words to me even with Dante glaring daggers the whole time.
Tears sting before I can stop them, and I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe until the worst of it passes.
When I open them, every old lady in the kitchen is watching me with the same soft, knowing look.
"You okay, Cassie?" Rosie's already crossing the room, arms open before I can even answer.
"Not really." I let her hug me anyway. "I thought they'd at least come say something to me. I hate them for what they did, trying to marry me off like I was a line item, but I still love them. Stupid, probably, after everything."
"Not stupid." Rosie pulls back to look at me properly.
"Men like that get taught early that a woman's worth is whatever she can be traded for.
It doesn't make it right, and it sure doesn't make it easy to unlearn once you've had it drilled into you your whole life.
Your brothers have some catching up to do.
The question is whether they're willing to do the work, or whether they'd rather keep it easy for themselves. "
"They'll come around." Meg settles in on my other side. "Might take longer than you want it to, but people surprise you."
Then Ethan's arms are around me from behind, solid and warm, and I lean back into him without thinking twice about it. "Babe, what's wrong? Somebody say something to you?"
"No. That's the whole problem. Nobody said anything at all."
He doesn't answer that right away, just guides me down onto his lap at the table, and I settle against his chest, his hand moving slow up and down my back until my breathing evens out on its own.
"Listen, babe. I've got to head out of town for a bit. I’ll be back late tomorrow, or the day after at the latest."
"Where? Is it dangerous?" I pull back to search his face.
He smiles. "I love that you're already worried about me."
"I did marry you. It comes with the territory." That gets an actual laugh out of him.
"Nowhere dangerous, I promise. You don't need to worry that pretty head of yours."
"I think I'm always going to worry about you now." I press a kiss to his chest, right over his heart, and his hand keeps up its slow circles against my back the whole time.
"Gonna grab food and coffee, then we're gone.
You'll be fine here, the old ladies will look after you, and when I'm back we'll sort out the move into your place.
" He tips my chin up with one finger and kisses me slow and tender.
"I love you, Cassie. I’m not letting you go easy.
You're stuck with me a good long while."
He kisses me again, and I believe every single word of it, even the parts I know are supposed to be pretend.
Clapping breaks out around us and heat floods my whole face at the thought of the entire kitchen watching us make out like a couple of teenagers. Ethan flips them all off without breaking his grin, and I bury my burning face against his shirt while everyone laughs.
Half an hour later Prez appears in the doorway. "Let's ride." Only a handful of the men rise to follow him, Ethan among them.
"See you soon, babe." He drops one more kiss on my head before he's out the door, and it's not long before I hear pipes rumbling to life, the sound fading further and further until it's gone completely. I wrap both hands around his abandoned coffee mug and hold it like it's him.
Meg drops into the seat across from me. "It's always hard when they ride out and you don't know what's waiting on the other end, hostile territory, trouble, whether they all come home the way they left.
Us women stick together through that part.
Shopping, beauty nights, whatever it takes to keep our heads somewhere else.
Only a few of them went this time, so it's probably nothing too heavy, but that doesn't mean we sit around chewing our nails either.
Dante gave them forty-eight hours before he threatened to come back for you, and Prez already left to go build us an out.
Until we know how that lands, we keep busy, keep close to the compound, and keep each other company.
" She softens. "What do you say to some shopping, then facemasks and margaritas once the sun's down? "
"I'd love that." My throat goes tight. "Thank you, all of you, for making me feel like I actually belong somewhere.
I've never really had girlfriends, not real ones, I've spent two years moving before anyone could get close enough to matter.
I only meant to pass through here for a few weeks.
Then I met Ethan and every plan I had fell apart in the best way.
" I look around the table at every one of them. "I love you all. I mean that."
"We love you too." Meg turns to the rest of the table. "Alright, ladies. Shopping trip, then facemasks and margaritas, and we stay in radio distance of this compound the whole time. Deal?"
The table breaks into cheers and clapping, and I let myself smile even with the countdown clock sitting heavy in the back of my mind. "Guess that's what we're doing, then," I say, only half sarcastic this time.
We pile into two cars an hour later, six of us total, Rosie driving like the mall's on fire and Cam riding shotgun giving directions nobody asked for.
The little strip of boutiques near town isn't much, but it's enough, and by the second store I've got three bags I don't remember agreeing to buy and Lily-Rose has talked me into a sundress I'll probably never wear anywhere near a compound full of leather and gravel.
"You need color in your closet." Lily-Rose holds a bright yellow blouse up against me, squinting like she's solving a math problem. "Everything Ethan's ever seen you in is either white or something you can run in. Live a little."
"I can absolutely see myself running in this." I take it anyway, because arguing with Lily-Rose about fashion is a battle nobody in this club has ever won.
Cam finds me alone at the register while the others argue over shoes two aisles over. "You doing okay? Really okay, not the okay you tell people so they stop asking."
"Getting there." I fold the blouse over my arm. "It's strange, having people to tell the truth to. I'm still learning how."
"Takes practice." She bumps my shoulder with hers. "I wasn't always this steady either, you know. Brick had to talk me down off worse ledges than a shopping trip once upon a time. This club builds you back up slow, if you let it."
By the time we're home, the sun's dipping low, and Rosie's already got a blender going before we've even got our bags inside. Meg is peeling cucumber slices for our eyes like this is a spa instead of somebody's kitchen table.
"To Cassie." Rosie raises her glass once we're all settled on the back porch, robes on, faces green with mask, looking absolutely ridiculous and not caring one bit. "Who married into this circus and somehow made all our lives better for it."
"To Cassie," the rest of them echo, and I laugh so hard some of the mask cracks off my cheek, and for a whole hour, sitting on that porch surrounded by women who chose to love me before they had any real reason to, I forget entirely about the countdown clock, about Dante, about anything waiting past that gate.
It's well past midnight before any of us head to bed, and I fall asleep still smiling, Ethan's side of the bed cold but somehow less lonely than it should be, because I understand now, all the way down, that even on the nights he can't be here, I'm not actually alone anymore.