Chapter Twelve #2
The mood grows awkward as I finish sweeping the floor. I’m not sure what else to say or how to change the subject. Instead, we start working again. Katie removes the molding and wrinkled wallpaper like a pro, and I help keep the space clean.
We both take a deep breath and look at the bathtub.
“We've completed a lot already,” she says.
“So what you're saying is you're glad I’m here?”
Katie smirks. “I am glad you're here. Will say it took you long enough.”
We take a quick water break and eat leftover bagels for lunch.
“So what's next on the list after the bathroom?” I ask as we stand in the kitchen.
“I’m not sure yet,” she says around a mouthful.
“I’d like to finish the first floor, then work on completing the upstairs.
The only problem is Owen’s room is up there, and I want it to be done sooner than later so if we move in before everything’s done, he has somewhere to sleep.
I need to make a list and stick to it, but I get overwhelmed and get off schedule.
I’m paying a mortgage note and rent at my place plus double utilities, so things are tight.
Moving would make it easier to save money for new furniture and décor. ”
“Yeah, that makes total sense. When are you hoping you can move in?”
Katie lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Well, the flooring needs to get done, and I need to order the windows so then we could at least have the bedrooms done.
In a dream world, the house would be done by the end of the year.
Realistically, I think it's gonna take me a few years due to my work schedule and needing to save up for all the appliances on top of everything else.”
“Well, if it means anything, I promise to help you with whatever I can,” I say. “Seriously, just put me to work.”
“Thanks, Noah. I appreciate that, but you don't have to worry about me. I’ll eventually get it done.”
“I’ll always worry about you, Katie. No matter what. I worried about you at fifteen, and I worry about you at thirty-one.” I chuckle, but it’s true. Even when I was locked up, I thought about her constantly.
Soft eyes meet mine, and I take the opportunity to mention the past again.
“Earlier, when I admitted I had a crush on you…there's actually more to the story. It wasn’t just a crush. I was in love with you for years. If I could go back in time and tell you, I would. Keeping it to myself is one of the biggest regrets of my life because when Gabe showed up, I lost my opportunity.”
Tears well on the brim of her eyes. I can only imagine how hard this is to hear.
“I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I don’t wanna keep it inside any longer. The last thing I wanna do is have something happen to me without you knowing the truth.”
“Wow.” She releases a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me all those years ago?”
“Rejection, mostly. I was scared I’d ruin our friendship if you didn’t see me that way.
There were countless times when I thought it was the perfect opportunity, but I kept chickening out.
I tried during our movie nights or summers hanging out together, but I was a coward.
I’d thought up so many different scenarios to say something, but I’d talk myself out of it.
I was too scared of your reaction. Guess I figured it was better to have you as a friend than to potentially lose you forever. ”
“Noah,” she whispers.
“I think back and wonder what would’ve happened if I had told you. Maybe my life wouldn't be like it is today. Maybe Gabe would still be alive, and I wouldn't have gone to prison. Maybe you’d be my wife, and Owen would be my son.”
Tears stream down her face as I continue.
“I blame myself and will harbor a lifetime's worth of guilt. I wish I would’ve found the courage to admit how in love with you I always was. At times, you’d look at me, and I felt the chemistry between us. But we never talked about it, and I just assumed it was one-sided.”
Katie takes a step back and leans against the kitchen counter. “I-I can’t believe this…”
“I’m sor—”
“It wasn't one-sided, Noah,” she interrupts, keeping her eyes on mine. “I didn’t know how to tell you either, especially because you were older and seemed way too cool to like a girl like me. I used to dream about you making a move and kissing me. I was way too scared to say anything, or I guess, even hint I wanted you to. Then Gabe came along, and when he asked me out, you didn't say anything. I thought maybe you’d fight for me if you had liked me that way, but you approved. You seemed happy for us, so I figured you saw me like a sister. I’d convinced myself that I’d imagined you flirting with me, and it was nothing more than a stupid teenage crush. ”
“I thought that’s what you wanted and was trying to be supportive.
I was jealous as fuck, but as long as you were happy, I’d get over it.
The truth is, I never moved on and couldn’t.
Knowing Gabe had the woman of my dreams and was purposely taking you for granted made my blood boil.
If you were mine, I would’ve given you the world.
I would’ve been home with you when you were dealing with pregnancy sickness.
It fucked me up knowing he was cheating on you.
” I brush a hand through my hair, frustrated that I let so many years pass before saying anything.
Shaking my head, I blow out a breath. “I should've just told you.”
Katie takes two steps forward, closing the gap between us. I tuck loose hair strands behind her ear as we gaze at each other. When she leans into my touch, I slowly inch forward and wait. Emotions soar through me as her lips seek mine, and our tongues tangle together.
I know it's wrong, but at this moment, it feels so damn right to be kissing the woman I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember.