Chapter One Hundred Seven
Ruby
The door closes behind the doctor, and I sit there. Hand over my stomach. Eyes fixed on the wall. I’m pregnant.
My throat burns. My mom died having me. That’s the story everyone told in soft voices. There were complications which resulted in an emergency surgery. I lived, and she didn’t. Dad never said much about it. He didn’t have to. The fear grew up with me anyway.
A soft knock sounds before the door opens. Bella and Emily step back into the room, both mid-conversation until they see my face.
Bella stops first. “What happened?”
Emily moves closer. “Ruby?”
My voice barely works. “I’m pregnant.”
Both of them freeze. For two full seconds, nobody says anything. Then Bella sits beside me on the edge of the bed. “Okay,” she says. “Okay.”
Emily pulls the chair closer, her EMT calm slipping into place. “How far along?”
“I don’t know. Maybe six to eight weeks. They found it in the blood work.”
“I’m terrified.” I clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking.
Bella reaches for my hand. “Because of your mom.”
“Yes.” Tears burn my eyes. “I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy. I know it’s an irrational fear. Or at least, I hope it’s an irrational fear, but that doesn’t change the fact I’ve spent my entire life intending to avoid pregnancy.”
Emily’s voice stays steady. “Medicine has come a long way since then.”
“I know.” I do. But knowing something and feeling safe are two very different things. “On top of that, everything is complicated.”
Bella squeezes my hand. “Xavier?”
I look down at my stomach. “I was attacked because some man is angry I chose Xavier over him. And Xavier and I aren’t even together.”
Emily leans forward. “Are you going to tell him?”
“Yes.” My heart pangs so hard I feel it in my ears. “Just not yet.”
Bella frowns. “Why?”
Because I still see him standing in this room, trying to care but not knowing how to name it. Because I still hear myself telling him I’m not his responsibility. Because this baby would make that impossible.
“I don’t want him coming back because he feels trapped.”
Emily’s expression shifts with understanding.
Bella’s thumb brushes over my knuckles. “You’re not a trap.”
“I know.” But my voice breaks anyway. “I want him to choose me because he wants to. Not because he thinks he has to.”
Neither of them argues with that, which makes it worse.
Bella glances down at my hand on my stomach. “How do you feel about the baby?”
Five minutes ago, all I felt was fear. Fear of pregnancy. Fear of hospitals. Fear of becoming another sad story people whisper about. But now my palm rests against my stomach as anger rolls through me.
“Someone attacked me, and they could’ve hurt the baby. I’m not going to let that happen again.”
“Then we take this one step at a time.” Emily reaches for my hand.
“Okay.” I straighten my shoulders.
“Today we breathe.” Her voice is calm enough that I almost believe everything will be okay. “Tomorrow, we make a plan.”
One step at a time. That’s all I can do. Because it’s not just me anymore. And I have to stay safe.
For both of us.