Chapter One Hundred Thirteen
Xavier
By six that night, I’d checked Brent’s neighborhood four times. Which is insane. I know it’s insane. But every time I try to go home, I see Ruby bleeding beside the fence. Hear her telling me she’s not mine to worry about.
So I keep driving and only stop at the gas station near Main after nearly landing in a ditch. With any luck, coffee will see me through the fifth time around Brent’s neighborhood.
“Xavier.”
Lindsey stands near the coolers, energy drink in hand. Of course. “What?”
Her eyebrows rise. “Friendly.”
There’s no stopping the muscle twitch in my jaw as I grind my teeth together. I could spend the rest of my life never speaking to Lindsey again. “Not in the mood.”
“I heard Ruby is still hiding out somewhere.”
My jaw tightens even more, which should be scientifically impossible. But hearing Ruby’s name coming out of Lindsey’s mouth has me seeing red. “She’s recovering.”
“It’s been almost two weeks.” Irritation edges into her voice. “She left. Why are you still losing your mind over her?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re acting like she’s the center of your damn world.”
She fucking is. And I’m tired of pretending otherwise.
“All this over Ruby?” Lindsey asks.
Something about the dismissive way she says Ruby’s name pisses me off. “Watch it.”
“Why? Everybody acts like she’s perfect.”
“Don’t.”
Her mouth pinches, revealing tiny fractures in her carefully applied makeup. “She already heard exactly what she means to you.”
“Because you made damn sure she did.”
Lindsey scoffs. “I didn’t make you say anything.”
“No. You just baited the conversation, so she’d hear the worst parts.” Why in the fuck am I even talking to her? She’s not worth the explanation or the argument.
“You’re acting like I ruined your marriage.”
“Get over yourself.”
I pay for my coffee and walk out before I say something worse. The problem is, Lindsey didn’t ruin anything. I did.
Jake’s SUV is parked across the street outside the diner. I cross over and lean against his open window. “You got anything?”
“Greg’s alibi still holds. No video evidence to prove it, but his card shows he was at the gym. Brent’s doesn’t.”
My attention sharpens. “Meaning?”
“Nobody can confirm where he was during the attack.”
“So he could’ve done it.” Adrenaline surges throughout my body. If he’s responsible, I’m going to beat the shit out of him.
“Maybe.” Jake studies me. “But you need to stop circling his house before he gets a restraining order.”
I look away.
“You’re not subtle, Xavier.”
“Anything else?”
He hesitates. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. You haven’t stopped blaming yourself.”
I stare into my coffee. There’s no point in denying it. I do blame myself. If I would’ve committed to her like she deserved, she wouldn’t have been alone.
Jake goes quiet before saying, “You love her.”
No joke. No teasing. Just truth.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“That’s not what I said.”
I drag a hand over my face. “My mom left when I was sixteen. Left Dad. Left me. We never talked about it afterward, so I learned not to. Claire and I had been together a year. A couple of months after Mom left, she cheated on me.”
His expression changes. “I didn’t know that.”
“Nobody did. She said I wasn’t fun anymore. That I was too depressed and wasn't paying enough attention to her.” Saying it out loud after all these years feels strange. “So I stopped giving people enough to hurt me.”
Jake studies me. “Until Ruby.”
Yeah. Until Ruby.
“I stayed away from her because I knew she’d be different.” I stare across the street. “If I let myself have her, I’d have something worth losing.”
“And now?”
I laugh without humor. “Now I lost her anyway.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
I finally look at him. There’s no point hiding from it anymore. “I love her.” The words scare the hell out of me. But they’re true. “I think I always have.”
Jake nods like this is the least surprising thing I’ve ever told him. “Then maybe quit deciding for Ruby what kind of man she deserves.”
That shuts me up. Because loving her isn’t the question anymore. It’s whether she’ll give me a second chance to show her.