Chapter 29 #2
“I came to apologize.”
Well, that wasn’t what I expected.
“What I said before…” She cleared her throat, her voice tighter now. “It was harsh, and I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
My expression didn’t change, but something in my chest shifted.
“And I’m sorry,” she added.
A beat passed.
Then another.
But she didn’t stop.
“I, uh, I was going to come see you the next day after the fight,” she rushed on, words picking up speed.
“To apologize. Things were heated and I couldn't get past it then, but the next morning, my head was clear. I really was coming to you—well, to the studio. But then something happened, and it had me considering ending this before it got more complicated and—”
I straightened slightly.
“End it?” I cut in, brows pulling together. “If you came all this way to break up with me, Savannah, you could’ve sent a text.”
“I didn’t have my phone!” she snapped, frustration breaking through. “That’s kind of part of the problem. Lori took it.”
I stilled.
“What?”
She exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through her damp hair, careful not to move from the doormat.
“Lori showed up before I left. Jax, I spent all night looking for the phone and still couldn't find it, so I was beyond shocked when she showed up at my house with it—with my phone, and screenshots of the contract. And a very clear threat.”
Oh, fuck.
My mind immediately went to the pictures of the contract I sent her with the amendments for date nights.
“She wants me to end things with you,” Savannah said, her voice steadying just enough to get through it. “Publicly. Or she starts posting everything online and sending stuff to the press.”
“Everything?” I asked.
“The contract. The texts. Everything that proves this was fake.” She let out a humorless breath.
“And you’re just telling me this now?”
My phone buzzed in my pocket again, but I was too locked in to what she was saying.
“I needed time to think. A lot has happened in the last two days, and I had to figure out what I was going to do. I don't want any of her schemes to fall on you, and I thought breaking this off would be better. It would mean protecting you. But then I realized that ending things with you… doesn’t fix it. I'd constantly be under her thumb, and it would give her exactly what she wants,” she continued. “And I don’t… I don’t want that. ”
There was something else there.
Underneath the words.
Something she was still working her way toward.
“And then I realized—or, well, I had help coming to the realization—but still,” she said, quieter now.
“I realized that this wasn't about Lori, or Chase, or my family, or even you.
The common denominator is me. I'm the one who doesn't open up, and a lot of the time, that involves me shutting down or shutting people out, and that's not okay. What I said to you wasn't okay.”
Her voice wavered slightly but I heard it, and it tore down my defenses.
“And I told myself it was about staying in control.
The more you're in control, the less you'll be hurt, or disgraced, or discarded.
No one can hurt you if you don't let them in, and it keeps things clean and simple.
When they walk away—because they always walk away—then it doesn't hurt when they leave because you weren't attached to them in the first place.
And that's what I've had to get used to.
My mom, Chase… I've never been anyone's choice.
No one's ever stayed for me, so why would you? That's what was going through my mind.”
My chest tightened slightly at the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Sav—”
“And I know it's stupid. I know I’m not easy. I know that. I overthink everything, I push when I should probably just—feel things, and I shut down when it matters. And it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I care too much and I don’t know what to do with it.”
Her voice cracked.
“I don't want to be cold, or frigid, or broken, or replaceable. Not when it comes to you. Jaxon, I didn’t trust you when this all started, not because of who you used to be, but because of what you made me feel. I didn't want to put myself in the line of fire just to end up hurt and alone again.”
“Savannah—”
“I'm terrified, okay?!” She was pacing now, the towel falling off her shoulders as her hands waved exasperatedly. “Absolutely terrified of letting someone in and having it fall apart again. Of giving someone that kind of power over me and losing everything. I tried to convince myself that I could just walk away from this arrangement, but I can't,” she said, shaking her head and breathing out a laugh. “I didn’t understand why at first, and it was driving me insane because none of this makes sense and I don’t do things that don’t make sense.
And yet I was walking through the rain for you.
And yeah, I'd probably walk a dozen more.”
She let out another shaky, almost breathless laugh, her hands running through her hair. And when she turned to me, a look of defeat was on her face.
“So yeah, here I am, stupidly in love with you, Jaxon, and that is fucking terrifying for me, because I don't know what to do with that.
I don't know what to do if I lose you. I know this is messy, and God, everyone knows I hate messy, and I don't know where you stand with things.
You're probably going to walk away and—”
Whatever foolishness she was about to say, I cut her off with two strides. I closed the distance between us, my hands framing her face as I pulled her into me and kissed her.
Hard.
I let her feel everything I'd been holding back for the past two days. She froze for half a second before she melted into me, and that alone had me groaning.
Fuck, I missed this.
Her hands fisted into my shirt, gripping tight as she kissed me back just as fiercely, just as desperately, like everything she’d been holding in finally had somewhere to go. I pushed forward, bracing her hard against the door, not giving a fuck about the wetness of her clothes.
Those soft lips and sweet little whimpers were going to lead me to my death. Our lips moved in sync, and it was as if we'd never been apart. My phone buzzed for the third time and I cursed, painfully dragging my lips away from hers and digging out the phone.
Benji's name flashed across the screen.
“Cage, what the hell—”
“She's fine, we're fine, go away.”
Then I hung up.
I leaned my forehead against hers, both of us breathing a little heavier than before. One hand moved to press against the door and I leaned in, waiting for those beautiful eyes to flutter open so she could see how serious I was with what I was about to say.
“You are never going to lose me, trouble. You think I can walk away from you after you've practically put your stamp on my soul? I'm yours, Savannah, and everyone fucking knows I'm not going anywhere.”
She stared wide-eyed at me, but I kept going.
“I screwed up with the Chase situation, and I'm sorry I put you in that position. But I'll never be sorry for protecting you. That's just not me. We'll argue and make up because that's what real relationships are—that's what I want with you. Give me something real.”
Her breathing hitched.
“What if you get bored? Or tired of dealing with—”
“I'm in love with you.”
My thumb brushed just under her eye, catching the tear that had fallen earlier.
“I've been in love with you, trouble. You walk into a room and everything disappears. All I see is you, all I want is you. Even when you piss me off, all I can think about is you. And yeah,” I added, a small, almost incredulous huff leaving me, “it’s messy, but nothing about love is clean and simple.”
Her lips parted slightly, and I bent to kiss her softly before pressing my forehead to hers.
“I'm not… easy to love.”
“Whoever told you that was bullshitting you, trouble, because loving you has become easier than breathing to me.”
Her breathing hitched and I felt her fingers tighten on my shirt. Moving my hand from the door, I grabbed her fingers and pressed them flat against my rapidly beating heart.
“You own me, Savannah. This right here is yours. And if anyone knows what you're going through, it's me. I had to work through my abandonment issues through therapy—thanks to Benji.”
“Yeah, I remember.”
Our intertwined hands stayed across my chest and her thumb brushed lightly against it, her gaze locking in place for a moment. My own thumb was brushing against her cheek, loving how at ease I felt with her in my arms. And when she slowly tipped her head up, I knew she felt the same.
“Say it again.”
That earned the faintest hint of a smile from her. “Say what?”
I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop the smile from stretching across my lips. Her hand slid up my chest and around my neck, pulling me closer.
“I love you,” she whispered just a breath from my lips.
A pleasant shudder ran through me, and my hands shifted to grip her hips, pinning her to the door. My nose brushed against hers before I kissed her.
“Good.” A gentle peck to her lips. “Because I am going to”—a kiss to her cheek—“take off your clothes”—a kiss to the crook of her neck—“bring you to my bed”—I tugged at her sweater to kiss her bare shoulder—“and show you just how much I love you.”
“Jaxon,” she whimpered, and I smirked against her skin.
“Mhm, then when we're done,” I continued, moving my lips across the swell of her breasts, “I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk tomorrow morning.”
Then I crashed my lips to hers.