Chapter 10
Emalyn
“What are you wearing to the game tomorrow, sexy lady?” Alli calls over the music drifting from the speakers in my kitchen.
She’s making hockey themed desserts for the after party Ronan’s invited everyone to at Ryan’s new place.
I sure hope his new apartment is big enough for so many of us.
Ronan went a little crazy with the guest list.
“I don’t know. Maybe just my black sweater and a belt.” I shrug.
“Not a Grady jersey?” She raises a brow and turns down the volume. I shrug my shoulders. Alli is my girl— we talk about everything.
Nearly everything. Ronan is probably the only topic we both dance around.
My chest tightens. I wish I could talk to someone about…everything.
There was a time when Ronan and I… we felt like endgame.
No, we were never officially a couple, but there were times when it felt like we were so close to crossing that line.
Before he left to stay with his billet family and chase a spot in the AHL, he asked me to be his.
I couldn’t hold him back from his dream then. And I had my own to chase.
Not that it kept me from training long days as a figure skater. I spent so many years working hard so I could be living out my dad’s dream. The one he lost when he was injured. I smile to myself remembering the moment we realized we made the Olympics.
Different categories. Different events.
But somehow it still felt like we did it together.
He made it our thing, instead of my dad’s thing. He cheered so loud for me when I won bronze.
“Emmalynnnnn!” A voice that could only belong to Ronan shouts as I walk into the hallway, a bronze medal still hanging around my neck.
His arms are raised above his head, hands in fists like Rocky.
His skin is more tan than the last time I saw him.
Even after all these years, that smile still lights up my insides.
“You’re fucking amazing!” He shouts.
A grin splits my face as I run and jump. He catches me easily, spinning me. His face is buried in the curve of my neck, arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he says, “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He sets me down but keeps his hand on my back.
“There you are.” My dad says, his mouth set in a grim line. He shakes his head at the floor. “Bronze… We will have to train harder. I have some friends who know a special trainer.”
He rambles on about four more years of this.
The room begins to shrink at the thought of the grueling training schedule— the workouts and diets.
I was supposed to have time for photography now. I worked hard and did everything right. It was supposed to be my turn now. My dad’s voice turns muffled as the edges of my vision start to darken. What is that wheezing sound?
“Enough, Mr. Espinosa. Can’t you see what you’re doing to her?”
“What I’m doing to her? Who do you think got her here?” Dad says, looking around as if someone else will pop up.
“I think Emalyn got herself here. I think as a former Olympian yourself, you’d understand very well the mental fortitude it takes to compete at this level. No one can do it for you.” Ronan says evenly.
“Mental fortitude.” My dad tsks. “Look at her. She’s weak minded. I’ve gotta make some calls so it doesn’t cost her a gold medal. Again.”
“Sunshine?” Ronan bends down to look at my face. My eyes feel wild.
His thumb draws circles on my wrist as he pushes hair away from my face with the other. “Emalyn? Look at me. What do you need?”
I don’t know what I need. I can’t remember any of the coping mechanisms my therapist taught me.
The ones I should know but can’t remember.
I can’t do anything. Dad’s right. I’m weak minded.
Pathetic. If I could win a bronze then I could win a gold.
I just didn’t try hard enough. I just wasn’t… enough.
I try to draw in air but I can’t. It’s like it’s been sucked out of the room.
“Sun-Sunshine, come on. Copy my breaths.” Ronan’s voice is close. His hands tighten on my wrists. Then… his warm lips are pressing firmly against mine.
Ronan… is kissing me. He…
My inhale is shaky. His hands come up to delicately cup my face, thumb brushing my cheek. His lips are still at first, then they begin to move against mine. Slow and uncertain.
He pulls back, just enough for his blue eyes to search every inch of my face.
“Ronan…” I whisper, before my hand is snaking around his neck and pulling him back to me.
He smiles into the kiss. Ronan’s body cages mine against the wall, every inch of him is pressed to me. When he deepens the kiss, I can’t help the moan that escapes me. He pulls my hips to him. My eyes nearly roll at the feeling of his impressive length pressed against me.
I break the kiss, my breath coming short for a better reason now.
“Maybe we should… take this somewhere more private?” My voice is unrecognizable to myself, this breathless and shy.
It’s Ronan though. Sweet and steady.
Ronan bites his lip, failing to contain a grin.
I shake my head, forcing the memory away before it can go any further. I refuse to think about what came after.
I can’t go back to that time. To linger on what-ifs.
Ronan is the one person I could never lose.