Chapter 17
Emalyn
Kade’s BMW pulls up in front of my apartment, bright and early. I don’t know how he can be so cheerful after yesterday. My eyes are hiding underneath a hat and sunglasses and the sun still burns. He opens the passenger door and takes my bag from my shoulder.
“Thanks.” I smile.
“Good morning. Are you ready to catch some bass?” Kade asks as he places a kiss on my cheek.
“For sure.” I mutter. Vanessa and Ronan are already in the backseat. He’s slumped in his seat with his arms crossed, hoodie pulled up and sunglasses on. Poppy lays across his lap, wearing a puppy sweater and a diamond collar.
“He’s still not feeling well.” Vanessa laughs, gesturing to him with her thumb.
“I can see that.”
Sliding into the passenger seat, I catch a glimpse of myself in the window. My gaze quickly flicks away. None of my business. My self esteem doesn’t need that hit.
I stop short when I see a chamomile tea in my cup holder.
“For me?” I ask as Kade gets in.
“Hm? Oh, yeah. Ronan was nice enough to get everyone coffee.”
I glance back at the six-foot-two goalie squished in the back seat. He doesn't speak but his mouth forms the words Everything. Always.
Turning forward in my seat, I ignore the flutter in my chest. This is why I wanted to end things with Kade. Having feelings like this for another person isn’t fair to him.
Even if I’m not going to act on them.
A text pings on my phone.
Ronan:
Does he stay on the Olive Garden playlist 24/7?
Ronan:
It’s making me hungry.
An involuntary snort escapes me and I slap a hand over my mouth to cover it. Kade glances over at me.
“Are you okay?”
“Yep, just fine. Ahem.” I say, pretending to clear my throat. “How far is this place?”
Vanessa, who is sitting directly behind me, leans forward to join the conversation. Her elbow lands on Ronan’s knee for support in the process.
Clenching my jaw, I do my best to give Kade my attention even as something ugly swirls in my chest.
“…And the wind isn't supposed to be crazy this weekend so…”
I glance back despite my best efforts. Vanessa has moved and isn’t touching Ronan anymore, though she’s still leaning forward enthralled with whatever Kade is saying.
Though Ro is wearing his sunglasses, I feel like he’s looking into my eyes. Feeling oddly exposed and vulnerable, I turn back around in my seat.
“So, Ronan. How did you manage to get time off during the playoffs? My coach would have us busy even if we weren’t training.” Vanessa says.
“That’s a good question.” I agree, turning in my seat again.
“I, uh- said I wasn’t feeling well. Took a mental health break but reassured them I’d be back for practice and the mandatory meeting tomorrow.” Ronan shrugs.
“And that worked? Usually, this close to the big event, so to speak, they aren’t very lenient.” I press, feeling like he’s telling a half truth.
“He’s an athlete, Emalyn. I’m sure they trust him to know his body and limits.
” Kade says. My head turns to him slowly.
It’s not what he said necessarily… it was the borderline condescending tone he used.
Like I wouldn’t understand. I open my mouth to tell him off, but then it occurs to me.
He doesn’t know I used to be an athlete as well.
I don’t talk about that time in my life any more.
I close my mouth, and make a hum of agreement instead. Sitting back in my seat, I let myself sleep the rest of the way.
********************************************
“Emmy. Wake up.” Ronan’s warm hand brushes my curl behind my ear. Instinctively, I turn my face into the touch. A contented hum escapes me.
“We’re here.”
I sit up straight. Oh, right. The fishing cabin.
Looking around, I notice we are on a secluded drive, but the tasteful home on the water is anything but a cabin.
Or I suppose, it could be to some. Maybe it’s the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the water that made it seem more like a lake house.
“Kade insisted on carrying everyone’s bags. I didn’t think he was going to make it to the door,” Ronan chuckles, glancing back toward the entrance.
“And Vanessa?” I ask, voice slightly hoarse from my sleep. My hand comes to my throat.
“She had to use the bathroom.”
Finally, I turn in my seat to look up at Ronan. His sunglasses are hooked onto the collar of his navy hoodie, blue eyes shining in the sunlight. Painfully gorgeous.
Why did Alli’s little brother have to be so pretty? It just wasn’t fair. Especially knowing looks were just scratching the surface of the good stuff.
“Are you still hungover? Want me to carry you?” He asks, bracing one hand on the car above me. Okay, he reads all the same romance books as me. He knows damn well what that little power stance does to me. Just for that, I should make him carry me the whole way up.
“No, I feel better after my nap.”
Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, I quickly check the screen. Mom. I feel Ronan’s eyes on me.
“Need to get that?”
“No.” I say quickly. A little too quickly. Feigning nonchalance, I wave a hand through the air. “I’ll call her back later. It's fine.”
“Are you sure? I can go. I know she’s still mad at me for…” He trails off, not needing to put it into words. We were both there. Hot shame fills my chest, remembering the way she had yelled at him in the hospital. Blaming him.
When it was really all my fault.
I’d intentionally lost points. I was surprised to win a bronze medal. My intention was to drop just low enough to go home with nothing. I suppose, in a way, I did. Just not the way I’d imagined.
Shaking my head to clear it, I plant both feet on the gravel drive and get out of the car. It causes Ronan to take a step backwards. As I shut the door, I realised he didn’t move back much. It doesn’t leave much room for me to get around him.
“You usually take your mom’s calls.” He’s right. I do. After my father stormed out of the night of the Olympics, I never saw him alive again. Now every ring echoes in my ears as if it was the hospital on the other line.
“Yes, usually. That was before she practically disowned me.” I roll my lips in to keep them from quivering.
I haven’t said out loud. Haven’t even called Alli—my bestfriend.
She’s having a baby and getting married.
I’m almost thirty, can’t have children and will probably never get married.
There’s only one person I could spend a lifetime with and he’s off limits.
Off limits because he was there for me through the night my world imploded.
He pieced me back together. There’s too much to lose.
It’s like I’m holding all the cards. Too scared to fold, too scared to win.
I’ve always been shit at poker, too scared to play the losing hand.
Trapped by the what-ifs. I blink up at him now, teary-eyed.
“Ella nunca me perdonará. Nunca recuperaré a mi familia.” My face crumples and my shoulder slump in defeat.
“Oh, Sunshine.” Ronan pulls me into his chest, big arms folding around the top of my back. His chin rests on the top of my head. “You will always have me. Understand me? Always.”
I nod, fighting to get this sudden surge of emotion stuffed back down where it belongs. Somehow, Ronan always knows what to say. My phone pings again. Ronan’s phone does too.
“It’s a video from Alli. Matty hit a home run.” Ronan grins, taking a step closer and tilting the phone slightly. The smell of lavender laundry detergent and his cologne swirl, nearly making me dizzy with warmth.
“He’s gonna be great. Look at that form! He could be hitting for the high school team.” Ronan says, nothing but pure adoration for his nephew in his voice.
“Everything, okay?” Vanessa asks, coming to stand beside us. Ronan tucks his phone back in his pocket, flashing a smile.
“Yeah. Let’s feed some fish.” He bumps his shoulder against mine before turning to head inside, Poppy following happily by his feet.