Chapter 21
RONAN
The moment Emalyn’s eyes fall to Vanessa’s hand on my arm, she looks distraught. The light touch was for show. I hadn’t even realized her hand was there until I saw the unguarded hurt in Emalyn’s expression. There and gone so fast if I was anyone else I would’ve missed it.
But not me.
Because I’ve been watching this girl since I was fifteen.
She looks away, anywhere but at me. I want to go to her, but I can’t exactly do that. Not when Vanessa is meant to be my date. My girlfriend to the public eye, and there are many photographers and journalists here tonight.
I force my feet to stay where they are, even if the gravity of her is near impossible to resist. It’s the first time I’ve ever tried to. I nod along to what the man in front of me is saying, desperately working to focus on the boring and bland conversation.
Thankfully I’m saved by the second sweetest voice I’ve ever heard.
“There you are, Ronan.” Sandy’s frail hand touches my arm. My face can barely contain the explosive smile.
“Sandy.” I hug her, squeezing very gently. She was an old lady when I met her more than a decade ago.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You look radiant.”
“Of course I came. I came the moment your coach sent me that invitation. What a hunk.” She elbows me and winks. My eyebrows shoot to my hairline as I follow her eyeline to where Coach stands.
He tips his glass to her with a smile. I would’ve sent Sandy an invite but I thought she was on vacation. I nod my head to him in appreciation.
“Excuse us, dear. I need to speak to my grandson, privately.” She smiles at Vanessa and steers me away with a firm hold of my arm looped through hers.
“Ronan, I say this with all the love in the world.” She says, expression serious. “What the fuck?”
My chin jerks back into my chest.
“What? What did I do?” I glance over my shoulder to where Vanessa stands, talking and shooting us curious glances.
“You’re the one who said to stop the erosion of my soul!” I protest as much as one can while whispering.
“Well, what I meant was to tell her you love her and you’d do anything for her and you mean it.”
“What if after all this time she still doesn’t want me?”
“Do you want her to be your what if?” Sandy asks, quirking a stern brow. “Or do you want to be her even if?”
Oh, here we go with wizard answers. Always rhymes and riddles that leave me more confused than before.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you love her. Even if she doesn’t love you.
Even if life gets messy, the plans change and the timeline doesn’t.
And in my case, even if forever isn’t as long as you’d hoped it’d be.
” Sandy says, wiping a tear and no doubt thinking of her husband who died suddenly.
Though it was years ago now, I know that type of pain doesn’t go away.
The shock of losing someone so important, so constant. There one day and gone the next.
It’s the same as Emalyn and her father. I’m pretty sure it’s what holds her back from letting herself really be loved. She’s scared it will all be snatched away again.
After being dropped off at a group home as a boy… I can understand. Relate.
If my therapist wasn’t bound by patient confidentiality, then he could probably tell you I suffer from the same fears.
What if she gives me a chance? What if it’s great for years? We could have a home, a life together… and she could decide I’m too much. Or not enough. She could leave.
I shake my head. There’s no reason worrying about Emalyn choosing to leave me. She’s not mine. Not truly.
I’m hers though. Completely and hopelessly hers.
Even if she’ll never be mine.
I’ll let her hold me at arms length, as long as she’s holding me.
I start to run a hand through my hair before remembering the gel, and stop myself. My hands hang useless at my sides as I glance at Sandy.
“Oh, Ronan.” She holds her arms out and hugs me tight. “You’re a good man. I know in my heart everything will happen in its own time.”
I watch Emalyn from across the room, drinking at the bar and laughing along with Ripley and Dakota. Her gleaming smile warms my chest, as it always has.
Coach comes over, asking Sandy to dance as couples fill the dance floor. I think it’s sweet, this big scary guy guiding my old pseudo grandma to dance. Her eyes glitter up at him.
“Take care of her, Randy.” I called his back. He shoots me a look over his shoulder but I don’t miss the head shake. He fucking chuckles.
This is amazing.
I glance back at Emalyn. She would get a kick out of this. My feet are moving before my mind has caught up, and I’m striding in her direction, a goofy grin on my face.
Her eyes catch mine, a smile forming on her face. Her brows pinch as her own smile matches mine and she laughs, confused.
“What?” She asks as I come up to the bar beside her.
“I just got away with calling him Randy.” I turn my nose in the air, smug as can be. She rolls her eyes playfully.
“Congratulations, big guy.” Emalyn pats my chest and I cover her hand with my own. The bartender slides her another drink, making me reluctantly let her hand slip away. I order one for myself, too.
“Now all you need to do is win the Sta—“ I cut her off with a finger to her lips.
“Don’t jinx it!” I frown. Her grin is mischievous before she nips my fingertip. I yank my hand away, my eyes never leaving her pretty mouth.
“Can’t jinx it, Ro. You’re the best thing to happen to hockey.”
“Ah, Sunshine. You’re too good to me.” I wink at her. This playful, unserious banter has always been our M.O. but now I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been indirectly keeping myself in the friend zone. Maybe Sandy’s right.
“Always.” She quips, taking a sip of her drink.
The way she licks her lips has me remembering just how good they taste.
The air thickens between us. There is this invisible rubber band around us.
One she stretches as she travels or dates other people.
It always brings us right back to each other. Inevitably.
An arm slinks around Emmy’s waist, and Kade presses a kiss to her temple. I glare at where his hand rests on her waist.
“Hey, Emalyn. Ronan.” He says before releasing her in favor of a drink. I nod my head in acknowledgment.
“Where’s your dog? I thought it couldn't be left alone.” Kade asks, and I fight to control the disgust on my face when he calls my little angel an ‘it’.
“With my nephews. They’ve started charging me though. An outrageous amount.” I shudder at the thought of those little scammers.
A second later Vanessa is by my side again.
“Ford is asking for us.” She says to me, her eyes lingering on Kade. Right. The stupid deal to help my not so stupid foundation. I release a breath through my nose. I guess now is as good a time as any. Nodding, I walk with Vanessa to talk with our agents.
Trying my best not to look pissed at my own event, I greet him with a handshake.
“Ronan! There you are.” Ford says, already puffing his chest with pride for this deal. I regret it and I haven’t even signed it yet. They’ll be pushing it now, considering I sent the damn text to set it in motion.
“With your approval, we can get those contracts signed by both parties and get the photoshoot series live.” Vanessa’s agent says glancing between.
She chews her lip, glancing between me and the agents.
Vanessa looks… nervous. She stands a half a step behind me, letting me take the lead of the conversation.
Something niggles at my gut as I watch her, suddenly looking younger and less confident.
“You know, we appreciate the time you are giving us to get to know each other before deciding if this is right for us.” I say, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. “However, we still need time. How about we give you an answer in two weeks?”
“Two weeks?” Ford says loudly, before glancing around and lowering his voice. “Part of this deal is having a Stanley Cup—“
“Don’t even say it. You know better than to jinx it, Ford.” I hold up a hand. His face turns red with effort to hold his tongue. I would laugh, if Vanessa’s agent wasn’t shooting her daggers. Stepping between them, I block her agent from her line of sight.
“Let’s go back to the bar, yeah?”
She shoots me a grateful smile.
“Can I still come to your game? I know it’s game one and we haven’t signed the contract— I just meant as a fan.” She asks, stumbling over her words and brushing her hair behind her ear.
“How about you come as a friend?” Offering her a kind smile, I slide over a drink. Just as she’s about to grab it I pull it back from her grasp. “You’re old enough to drink, right?”
She scoffs playfully and swipes it from me.
“Yes, you doofus.”
“Hey, just making sure. You do know game one and two of the series is in Vegas, right?”
“Of course. I’m an excellent gambler. I won’t tell you who I’m betting on to win the cup.” She turns her nose up in a way that reminds me of a younger version of my sister, Alli.
Vanessa’s agent gently taps on her elbow before whispering in her ear. Vanessa seems to look a bit pale, and a little panicked. Her eyes widen before they flick up to mine.