Chapter 29
Emalyn
“Everything is so fucked.” I mumble.
“He finally grew a pair and told you how he feels. Admittedly, he probably could’ve had better timing but it’s the effort that counts, right?” Alli encourages as she folds laundry from a large pile on her couch. She invited me over to ‘sip and fold’ but I’ve admittedly only been sipping.
“I can’t tell him. I want to— I really do.” I insist, leaning forward, “But every time I start to, it gets stuck right here!” I gesture to the base of my throat.
Alli holds up two identical pairs of shorts glancing between them for a moment before tossing them both into a smaller suitcase. She mentioned her sons were getting picky about their clothes being mixed because of how they fit, but I couldn’t tell any difference either.
“Emalyn, the life you want is at the tip of your fingers. Pussy up and grab it!” She makes a grabbing motion with her hands.
“Pussy up? Is that supposed to be motivating?” I ask, brow raised.
“Yes— you know what, I've been watching a lot of birthing videos and you just won’t believe—“ She cuts herself off again, “I’m just saying it should be a saying.”
“What would you do if your birth parents contacted you?” I blurt. Dammit, I have no tact. Her eyebrows raise to her hairline.
“What makes you ask that?” She questions with that lilt of a mom voice that can make you spill the beans with ease.
“Ronan’s birth mom wants to talk to him. Explain why she had to leave him… and maybe have a relationship with him.” I spit it out like it’s on fire.
“Wow… I-I don’t even know what to say.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “What does Ronan say?”
“Nothing yet. Not really. I think he just harbors a lot of resentment— who wouldn’t though?”
“I wouldn’t get in the middle of it if that’s what you’re asking.”
I tilt my head from side to side. “More like I already am. Unintentionally.”
I tell her everything from the beginning and ending with what happened with Ronan. Alli moves to the seat next to me and passes me a tissue. I hadn’t realized I’d started crying. Her arms wrap around my shoulders in a side hug.
“I’m going to say this with a heart full of love, okay?”
I nod.
“You can’t make Ronan’s choices for him.”
“I—“
“No. You have to let him decide. I know that you’re scared to death that he will choose to walk away— which I doubt he will— but that doesn’t mean it’s fair for you to hold back because of that fear. It’s only hurting you both.”
“I’m so fucking scared to lose him.”
“I know, girly.” She lays her chin on my shoulder.
“But you know Ronan. Do you really see him walking away from his love for you over something that was never your fault in the first place? That’s what this is about, you know.”
“What?”
“Love. You give it so freely and then shy away when someone tries to do the same.” She gives me a soft, knowing smile. “You deserve each other and I really hope you can learn to accept the love coming your way. Otherwise, it’s just taking it for granted.”
I know she’s right but my mother’s voice is hard to silence. Why? Why can’t I shut it out? Her opinion has never been more important to me than Ronan’s. If he wants to love me, then Alli is right. He should be able to love all of me.
That is, if he hasn’t already changed his mind after the night we had. The one where I acted like the scared little girl I am. I’m an idiot.
My phone chimes with a message from my assistant.
Blake:
Flight booked for the campaign shoot with the athletes.
Blake:
Booked your usual Vegas suite.
I stare at the phone. How did I forget about the damn contract?
“Has Ronan even signed that yet?” Alli asks, reading over my shoulder.
“I don’t know. Vanessa’s agent has been pushy about squeezing in photo shoots so I’m sure he’s hounding Ford too. If he hasn’t yet, I doubt it will be long.”
My eyes meet hers.
“When does the team leave for the game in Vegas?” I ask, knowing Ronan is flying out with them and sitting with the team this time, even though he still isn’t cleared to play.
“Let me check with Tate.” Alli murmurs as she types quickly on her phone. It pings almost instantly, followed by two more. She looks up, blushing, no doubt from her husband’s flirty texts.
“In two hours.”
Carefully folding the paper after rewriting at least a dozen times, I stick it into the envelope and seal it. I write his name on the front in a hurry and dash out of my best friend’s house.
“Good luck, Em! Love you!” Alli calls to me as I rush to my car.
It took way too long to work up the courage to put the pen to the paper. Once I did, It didn’t feel like any of it was coming out the way I needed it to.
After a few too many rewrites, I’ve spent all the time I have—the last one will have to be the right one.
I rush to park and take off to where I know the players will be boarding the plane. Thankfully, I have a team badge that allows me through when the security guard tries to stop me.
I catch Ronan walking up to the plane with Coach King trailing behind everyone else. I call his name.
He doesn’t hear me until the third time when they’re nearly on.
“Ro!”
He freezes. Muscles locking up under his shirt for a moment before he scans the area around him. When he spots me, his eyes lock on me. A hopeful smile finds its way into my face, but he doesn’t match it.
My heart sinks a little.
Clutching the letter, I ran the rest of the way to him. He says something to Coach King who nods and boards the plane.
“What are you doing here, Emalyn?” He questions, shoving his hands in his pocket. I straighten.
“I-I wanted to give you this.” Holding the letter out, I add, “Please, don’t throw it away.”
He glances down at it, then back at me. For one horrible second, I think he isn’t going to take it.
His hand covers the letter pressed to his chest, the movement making his pinky brush mine.
“Read it.”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
His eyes bore through me before he murmurs,
“Always.”
Then he’s… turning and walking away.