Chapter 34
Ronan
“Oop, sorry. Enchiladas are ready.” Emalyn whispers, sticking her head out of the kitchen of her apartment.
I ditched my cold apartment the moment we got back to New York, letting a real estate agent handle absolutely everything required.
I only wanted to spend every free moment with her.
She blows me a kiss before closing the door behind her.
I end the call on my zoom call with my therapist, who I always call after major life events along with our regular scheduled sessions.
Plenty of logged hours due to my mother’s abandonment.
The same mother everyone thinks I need to talk to.
I scrub a hand through my hair, setting that to the side in hopes of catching Emalyn still in her apron.
She’s snuggled on the couch in her sweater, Poppy cuddled beside her as she glances up at me.
“Good session?” She asks, like she does every time.
“Great, wanna join me next time?” I ask, as I bring our plates into the living room so we can watch our show together. She flushes pink across her cheeks and tucks her legs underneath her.
“I actually, um, I scheduled an appointment with the one you recommended.” She stumbles through her words, causing me to set the plate down harder than I meant to as my head whips to her.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I think I need to have quite a few solo sessions before I’m ready to, you know, do it together,” She twists her hands, looking around the apartment as she explains.
Knowing what a tool her hateful mother has taken on her, how hard it is for her to open up to herself let alone anyone else, I gather her face in my hands and pull her in for a kiss.
Breaking apart, I wrap my arms around her waist, making her chuckle.
“I’m so proud of you.” I whisper into her hair. Her laugh easily turns into a cry but I just hold her through every emotion until she’s wiping her eyes and pushing a plate of food toward me.
“Let’s eat.” She grins. Mine matches hers as I watch her get comfortable on the couch and dig in.
This time it’s a hockey college romance series we’ve been hooked on playing on the T.V.
but I couldn’t tell you what had happened.
I’ve only been watching every expression flick across her face.
She’s finally lowered her walls around herself.
My gaze flicks to my phone, as I tilt my head to the side. If Emalyn can try to work past the damage done by a mother unwilling to change, then I can try to do the same with one who is.
Picking up the phone, I scroll to where she saved my mothers name and send off one quick text, then lay it face up on Emalyn’s leg.
She glances down, doing a double take when she realizes what it is.
Ronan:
I’d be willing to meet and discuss things to maybe mend our relationship. Just let me know when you’re free.
It wasn’t much but it was the best I could do, given the circumstances and Emalyn knew that.
“Oh, Ro.” She threw her arms around my neck, burying her face there and crying again. “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry. I opened the gates and now I can’t stop.”
I laugh and rub her back. “All part of the process, Sunshine. You know how many times I’ve cried through a therapy session?”
“How many?”
“Too many to count.” I rub her back.
“You know I support you no matter what, but I really think you’re doing the right thing here.” She reassures, placing a hand on my chest over my hoodie. “For you, I mean.” I place my hand over hers.
“Yeah, we'll see.”
We spent the rest of the week together, doing domestic and cosy couple things. It’s officially the offseason after the Bruisers loss in Vegas. So she teaches me her grandma’s authentic Mexican recipes.
“Wait. I just thought about something. When I met your mom, she spoke Spanish too.” Emalyn says tilting her head at me, as if to evaluate me. My head tilts back as I laugh.
“My mom is half Cuban. Her dad was Cuban and spoke strictly Spanish in their home after moving here. My Spanish leans more towards your accent because Mom didn’t speak it at home as I got older and I picked up more from friends at school by that point.
” I tell her, though now thinking back on it.
I couldn’t remember why we had stopped speaking it, only that I kept practicing with my friends at school so I didn’t lose it.
“Hmm.” Emalyn says thoughtfully, pressing her lips into a thin line as if she’s piecing something together. Shaking her head, she swats me on the butt and changes the subject, “Come on. Let’s go hit the gym before it gets busy.”
She marches to the door in her hot pink matching set, and I follow, probably drooling. As she shoves her feet into her white shoes, I kneel to tie them before she gets the chance.
“I can do it.” She giggles in surprise.
Glancing up at her, I shrug, “So can I.”
I tie the laces of the other foot before setting it down and opening the door for her.
She pecks me on the chin as she passes, too short to reach my lips if I don’t lean down.
She swats at me when I chuckle at her expense and we head down to the torture chamber.
Emalyn is a different beast in the gym. You wouldn’t think so, looking at just her size but that woman doesn’t skip leg day.
We start on the stairmaster, working a sweat together and not in the fun way. Ten minutes in and I’m peeling my shirt off my body. When I catch Emalyn checking me out, I use the shirt to smack her on the ass from my machine.
“Don’t look at me like that, Sunshine. Not unless you wanna give the other residents a show.”
Her eyes peruse my body again, slower this time, lingering on my shorts. My dick immediately stands to attention.
“Fuck it.”
I pull the emergency stop on the stairmaster and jump off. Crossing to hers in one step, I snatch her off the machine by waist and throw her over my shoulder.
She squeals and laughs, swatting my back and ass, playfully demanding to be let down, but she knows what she was doing. And it was a damn good distraction.
Three days later, I’m smoothing down my shirt and tugging my ballcap lower on my face.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Emalyn murmurs from beside me, her hand reaching for mine over the center console. She glances toward the pizza arcade place, “What’s the best that can happen?”
“Ugh, don’t throw my positive phrases back in my face when I’m in my negative mindset.” I complain, making her giggle. The sound eases something in my chest.
Inside the pizza place, I easily find my mother standing near the arcades with James, my little brother.
Which feels totally insane to think. Brother.
Family. After so long. My eyes snag on him, the way he leans into her as she talks.
He feels safe with her. Loved, like I once did.
That’s what was so heartbreaking. My parents weren’t drug addicts or homeless or whatever.
They were normal, so why drop me off just to beg to see me again later.
The boy gasps, drawing my attention back to him again and away from my thoughts.
“He’s here!” He whisper-shouts, tugging on her sleeve. Emalyn chuckles, quietly urging me forward.
I don’t take one step before he barrels into me, hugging me around the waist.
“Can you believe we’re brothers? Ah, it’s just so awesome.” He gushes, “It makes sense though, because we’re both goalies.”
I chuckle at his reasoning.
“Makes sense.” I shrug. I pat his back and he releases me, long enough to kiss my mother on the cheek and mutter, “Hey.”
She tears up instantly.
“Why don’t you two sit, and I’ll take James to play some arcade game until the pizza is ready?” Emalyn suggests. Mom had explained over text that since summer was out, James would have to be with her when we met.
I sit across from my mother in the booth, and watch as Emalyn and James disappear into the rows upon rows of games. It’s awkward and tense for a while, neither of us saying anything until she breaks the silence first.
“She really loves you, you know.”
“I know.” I turn my gaze on her. As if she’s suggesting I wouldn’t know love when I see it. I do, even if she wasn’t the one who taught me that. Remembering the pep talk from both my therapist and Emalyn before coming today, I take a deep breath. Breathe in understanding, breathe out resentment.
What a crock of shit. My chest burns with resentment making me demand, “Why?”
I can see something inside her close to breaking as she takes a shaky breath before speaking.
“I need you to know, I never wanted to leave you.”
I scoff.
“I wanted to go with you.” She adds, reaching across the table to touch my hand.
“My husband… was an abusive man. For a while, I justified it. He paid the bills and worked and I was just a mom. As long as you were safe and healthy, then what did it matter if my husband was cranky? So what if he didn’t tidy the house?
I would gladly do those things to stay home and take care of you. ”
I listened as she talked, waiting for the first crack in her story. My stomach twisted with a sour feeling.
“Then, he began to be controlling over the finances and later when I wanted to work he wouldn’t let me. It turned into screaming matches and threats. I planned to leave him all those years ago, and take you with me.”
“So what happened?” I snap, “Why decide to drop me off to fend for myself?”
Her eyes trailed over my shoulder, and I followed to where Emalyn and James were shooting the arcade targets with laser guns.
“I found out I was pregnant again.” Her gaze drops to the table.
“With no education and no job, I couldn’t afford healthcare.
Who would keep you while I was in the hospital?
There were just too many unknowns, so I thought I could buy us time.
I fell back into what was… predictable. I went to school online in secret while he was at work and it’s taken a long time but we’re divorced now.
I have full custody of James. I wish everyday, I could’ve done that sooner, for you. ”
“Why-uh” I cleared my throat, eyes falling to the table unable to look her in the eye as I asked, “Why didn’t you? Come back sooner I mean.”
She cries into her tissue.
“I couldn’t take you back to that environment. I’m strong enough now to admit, I was weak then. I didn’t know how to make my way in the world and bring you with me. So I sent you on the only life raft I could find. Somewhere away from him.”
My eyes fall to the table. There were so many reasons I imagined she abandoned me.
None included love.
I swipe at my cheeks, too. Memories of harsh words and tiptoeing around the angry man that was my father rushing forward. He never hit me, but he sure made it known he wanted to.
“You were never weak, Mom.”
My therapist is going to have a field day with this. I should probably block out back to back sessions.
“I hope you can forgive me for the choices I made out of fear. I’m so sorry, RoRo.
” She says my childhood nickname and just like that I break.
Wrapping her arms around me, she sniffles too.
I wipe my face straightening up and chugging my ice water.
When we notice the people staring at us, we start to laugh.
It is chaotic and kind of weird but that’s who I am and maybe this is where I get it from.
“So, tell me everything I missed. Why hockey?” She asks eagerly as the air between us becomes lighter, more familiar.
I snort.
“Well, Uh. You’re looking at her.” I tilt my head to Emalyn piling a plate up four slices high for James. “I met her… and I just knew everything would work out.”
Mom smiles at that, just as Emalyn and James join us again. She immediately checks in with me, I give her a reassuring nod.
“Mom just asked me why I chose hockey.” I say, enjoying the way Emalyn almost chokes on her drink. I recount the story the way I always do, with exaggerations and dramatized details that Emalyn has to continually correct as she shoots daggers at me, and smiles through clenched teeth.
I can’t help but chuckle at her embarrassment. I know it’s just a deflection from my own big feelings but old habits die hard. I tell them about Alli and my nephews which gets James excited to meet them.
“Do they play hockey, too?” He manages to get out in between shoveling pizza into his mouth.
“Yeah, Hudson does. Matty doesn’t play in the league anymore, he enjoys baseball more.”
He nods and licks his fingers.
“Baseball’s cool.”
Emalyn and I share an amused glance. The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, and the longer we alternate between eating pizza and playing arcade games, the more we settle in each other's company.
When it’s finally time to say goodbye, James hugs me tightly and whispers, “I can’t wait to tell all my friends that you’re my brother.”
“Me too.” I mutter, ruffling his hair as he releases me. My mom hugs me tightly before doing the same to Emalyn.
“Don’t be a stranger.” Emalyn whispers. We watch as James and our mom climb into their car.
Her smile is wobbly as she waves at us before driving away.
Once in my seat, key in the ignition and poised to put it in drive, Emalyn’s hand softly covers mine.
“How do you feel?”
“I wanted to invite them over. Promise to spend time together during the off season, But I’m also scared to rush myself through my feelings. The last thing I want is either of them getting hurt.”
“There’s no rush, Ronan. That’s the best part.” She smiles and squeezes my hand. “You have the rest of your lives to figure it out together.”