Chapter 8 #2
I clear my throat and motion with my head from behind Pearl for Sera to obey, then give her a knowing wink.
After a quick look that should’ve killed me, she obliges and reluctantly climbs in.
Pearl rolls Sera onto her side, and in no time flat the back of the blanket is laced up so tight I wonder if Sera can breathe.
She lies there, stiff as a board, looking like a swaddled baby.
Pearl turns to me, and with a crooked, arthritic finger pointing in my face, says, “I’m expecting both of you to be on your best behavior now. You hear?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I respond, trying to stay in character.
“Now, you two get some sleep. The storm should pass by morning.”
Then she disappears back down the stairwell with the glow of her flashlight.
I shut the door and lock it before turning to face Sera in her papoose. The laughter I withheld while Pearl was in the room explodes out of me.
“Thane! Stop laughing! The joke is over, now come untie me!” she demands, trying to wiggle loose. “She’s got me so tight in here I feel like a mental patient in a straitjacket.”
“You look like a caterpillar squirming around like that,” I say between gasps.
“This isn’t funny anymore. Please come untie me, I’m starting to panic-sweat!”
My face begins to ache, and my belly laugh causes my stomach to cramp, but I can’t contain myself.
“Fina, this is the whipped cream and cherry on top of the day. If there was more than candlelight in here, I’d snap a photo of this too.” I pause to breathe. “In fact, maybe using the flash will be enough. That way I can remember this forever.”
“Do it and you’ll regret it!”
“I might, but I’m going to do it anyway,” I say, grabbing my phone and snapping a photo of her.
I glance down at my screen. “This turned out great. The flash made it better than I thought it would.” I snap my fingers like I just got a great idea.
“I know! I’ll create an album of the pictures I’ve taken of you so far.
If in just one day I’ve caught you upside down in a sunroof and in an antique straitjacket, this week is going to be awesome. ”
“The list of ways I will get back at you is only growing, Thane!” she yells.
“Hey, keep it down. People are trying to sleep, Fina,” I whisper.
She thrusts her shoulders side to side and kicks her legs. “I will murder you in your sleep,” she hisses.
“I seriously doubt that. Look at you. You can’t even scratch your own nose. I’ll be safe and sound,” I reply, then walk into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
“Thane! Thane! Get back here and help me! Thane!”
I shut the door to the bathroom to dampen her threats.
I take an amazingly long, hot shower by candlelight, then slowly comb my hair and brush my teeth.
It feels good to do some self-care—especially at the expense of Sera wiggling in the other room like a worm.
I laugh to myself and put my toiletries away meticulously.
I round the corner into the bedroom and my heart sinks. The place where Sera had been is empty. I search the candlelit darkness, only to be blindsided by what can only be described as a flying burrito.
Sera flings herself from the desk beside me straight into my body, knocking me onto the bed.
Our heads smack together when she lands on me, bringing back the bloody nose I’d gotten earlier in Philly.
She slithers and rolls over onto the bed next to me, but the momentum she has makes her roll too hard, and she ends up on the floor with a thud.
“That… didn’t go as planned,” her muffled voice says from the floor.
“You think?!” I cup my nose and climb to the edge of the bed and peer over the side.
There, on the floor, lies Sera face-down. She rocks a few times to try and flip herself over, but she’s wedged so tightly between the bed and the wall that no matter how much effort she puts into it, she only makes the situation worse.
“My arms are pinned underneath me, and I’m pretty sure this carpet hasn’t been replaced since the 1970s. It smells funny, and I’m trying not to think about all the organisms living beneath my face right now. Please help me,” comes a faint whimper.
“Hang on, I’m bleeding all over the place.”
I run into the bathroom to grab a tissue, tear it in half, and shove it up my nose. Then I quickly wash my hands and run back to assess the situation Sera got herself in. I lie on my belly at the edge of the bed and begin tugging at the laces.
“Man, Pearl sure knows how to tie an inescapable knot,” I say, struggling against the ties. “I’ll bet she has a merit badge for it.”
“Please hurry, I have to pee.”
“Wait, for real? It hasn’t been that long since you went.”
“I drank a lot of coffee at Waffle House. Caffeine is a diuretic, you know.”
“I’m working as fast as I can, but this knot is crazy complicated!”
“Did you bring a pocket knife?”
“Yeah, in my bag.”
“Just cut them. I don’t care if she thinks we were desperate enough to go to drastic measures with this thing. There is no way on this Earth I’m peeing my pants in front of you.”
I chuckle. “Actually, you’ve already done that. Remember the tire swing incident?”
“This is not a good time for that, Thane. Plus, I was six! It’s not nearly as acceptable eighteen years later.”
I cross the room, and with the help of a tea light candle, I dig the pocket knife out of my bag.
“Pearl’s gonna be pissed about this. And I’m going to make up a story that completely exonerates myself, just so you know.”
“Whatever. I’ll take the blame. You can even call me Handsy for the rest of this vacation. Just get me out of here!” she pleads from the carpet.
After a few cuts, Sera takes a huge breath in.
“I wondered if you could breathe properly in that. She tied you so tight!” I say, helping her to a standing position.
She circles her arms around and stretches them above her head. “Man, that was awful!”
“Why did you get in there in the first place?” I ask.
“You saw the way she looked at me. Pearl comes off as a sweet lil old lady, but I’ll bet you fifty bucks that in her prime she had a willow switch on top of her fridge to keep the kids in line.”
I throw my head back and laugh at the thought.
“Plus,” she continues, “that wink you did gave me the impression that as soon as she left, you’d let me out.
It didn’t dawn on me that instead you’d take a forty-minute shower and then preen for another half hour afterward while I suffered.
But I should’ve known better. When have you ever gone easy on me? ”
“Well, in my defense, you had it coming.”
She crosses her arms and pops one hip. “Oh, I did, did I? How so?”
“If you would’ve just taken the seat in coach, we wouldn’t even be here right now. I’m making sure Karma gives you what she owes you.”
Sera scowls. “First of all, you don’t get to decide what Karma gives out. Second of all… you look ridiculous with that tissue hanging out of your nose. I can’t for one second take you seriously. And before I can get any further into this with you, I have to pee.”
She rushes off toward the bathroom, leaving me laughing to myself.
I sit on the edge of Sera’s bed and look at the chaotic mess left behind.
The twisted-up comforter shows exactly how much Sera struggled to stand up, most of the pillows are knocked onto the floor, and evidence of my bloody nose splatters the exposed sheets.
I jiggle the bed, and from the way it caves in the middle, I suspect that Sera and I broke it when she knocked me down.
“Geez, this looks like a war zone,” I say, pulling the tissue from my nose when she returns from the bathroom. “I’m sure glad my bed is the intact one.”
“Oh, no you don’t! I’m not sleeping in this broken, blood-spattered mess.”
“Fina, you already lay in this bed, flung pillows and blankets onto the floor, and panic-sweated on the sheets. Not to mention your little WWE move from the desk likely broke the frame. I am most certainly not sleeping in this catastrophe!”
“Well, neither am I,” she insists with stubborn resolve. “You bled all over it! I’m not sleeping on your blood!”
“Fine,” I say, moving to the good bed and pulling back the sheets. “But I’m not budging.”
Sera rolls up the chastity blanket, crosses the room, and climbs in on the other side of my bed, planting herself firmly in place. Then she creates the Great Wall of China with the rolled-up blanket between her side and mine.
“There,” she says with satisfaction, then gestures to each half of the bed. “This is your sleep space, and this is my sleep space.”
I smile as her words come across like the line from Dirty Dancing, yet she doesn’t even realize it. Pointing a finger at her, I give her an empty threat. “If you hog the blankets, I’ll finagle you back into the chastity blanket myself.”
“If you snore, I’ll shove you off the bed to sleep on that yucky carpet,” she counters with fiery eyes.
“Fine!” I say again, so I can have the last word, and flop into bed in my territory.
Our shoulders graze, sending electrical arcs where our skin touches.
My heart pounds in my chest so loudly I worry she’ll hear it.
She has gotten under my skin just by lying next to me, and I don’t like it one bit.
I also love it. It’s the first time we’ve been this close in years, and it makes me ache that she’s not mine anymore.
Her silhouette, outlined by the small source of light flickering beside me, is enough to make me say something I might regret in the morning.
So I reach for the candle on the nightstand and blow out the flame, enveloping us in darkness.