Chapter 23
SKIPPING ROCKS
Sera: Five Summers Ago
The night after Thane kissed me, I barely slept.
I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, listening to him breathe in the bunk below mine.
Inhale, exhale, stirring the coals of my want for him with each breath.
He was close enough to touch—like an expensive museum piece—inches from my fingertips, but dangerous to do anything more than admire.
Our families had so much history, I knew that allowing myself to fall for him would put that whole friendship at risk.
Yet there I was, ready to bet it all because of one stupid—scratch that—amazing kiss.
He was worth it to me, but I’m not sure the rest of the Spencers and Donnellys would agree.
I took a deep breath in, exterminated the butterflies that fluttered at his mere existing, and tried to convince myself that the kiss that turned my whole world upside down meant nothing.
I avoided Thane as much as I could the next morning, and dove right into my hammock to read after breakfast. I stole glances of him over the top of my book, wondering if he was as affected by that kiss as I was.
He washed dishes with Bash just inside the glass sliding door, laughing without a care in the world.
Meanwhile, my hungry heart growled like a starving lion.
I read the same sentence over and over again for ten minutes, yet I retained nothing.
I slammed my book onto my stump table and went for a walk instead.
I was silly to think I could avoid him, though.
Our families took an after-lunch swim every day to cool off in the heat.
We’d done that swim a million times, but this time was different.
Before our kiss, Thane was a dream I never dared hope for.
After our kiss, I couldn’t hide my blushing cheeks when he took off his shirt.
I didn’t have to imagine it anymore; I knew exactly how his body felt under my fingertips, and they tingled with familiarity when I saw his abs on display.
No matter how far I walked that day, or how deep I swam, I couldn’t escape the pleasant memories of how he smelled when he hugged me.
How his lips felt against mine, and more so, how they tasted.
Being underwater too long wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t catch my breath.
It certainly didn’t help when his gaze lingered on mine, loaded with questions I didn’t want to address.
The pressure of pretending that my chest wasn’t containing a wildfire consumed me.
I swam toward the dock as discreetly as I could, needing to put some distance between Thane and me before I did something stupid and the whole thing went up in flames.
I climbed the ladder, completely aware that he was watching my bikini-clad body.
I reached the top of the dock, hunted for a towel, and slunk toward the lake house when a buttery voice behind me stopped me in my tracks.
“Where are you going, Fina? The fun is just about to start.”
“I, uh,” I took a steadying breath, “don’t feel like swimming right now,” I lied.
“Right,” he said, circling in front of me, cutting off my path of retreat. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Operation Bisquick, does it?”
My insides swooped at the nickname he gave our kiss on the side of the road—making it something only we shared. I decided that having a secret like that with Thane was my new favorite thing, and I couldn’t hide my smile.
“No. I just…” my eyes avoided his at all cost, and I resisted the urge to over-explain myself. He stepped closer, so close I couldn’t find the words if I wanted to.
“Look me in the eyes when you say it, then,” he said, lifting my chin.
My chin may have been raised, but my eyes stayed steadily on the trees around us. “No,” I squeaked.
A laugh reverberated low in his chest. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Is it because you’re being stubborn and don’t want to give up any ground,” he teased, then he paused and his tone changed. “Or is it because you regret it and don’t know how to let me down easy?”
My eyes snapped to his. His gooey, melty, chocolatey gaze weakened my pathetic poker face. “Um, definitely the first one. No regrets here. Just—fear,” I confessed, like his eyes administered a truth serum straight to my bloodstream.
His expression softened and he stroked my jaw with his thumb. “Same.”
I shifted my focus to our families splashing and playing in the water. No one was paying any attention to us, but I grabbed his arm and led him off into the trees anyway.
“Listen,” I started, “I don’t know how to navigate this. You’re… you. But now, you’re also… I don’t know, YOU. Ugh! Stop looking at me like that! I can’t think straight when you’re all smiley and adorable,” I groaned.
“I’m still me, Pidge,” he said with a laugh, like I was being ridiculous.
The anger he always stirred within me simmered. “Well, that kiss may not have fazed you that much, but it meant something to me.”
“Oh, it definitely fazed me.”
“Yeah, right,” I said, turning to leave. “You seem so distracted and preoccupied by your amazing night’s sleep and your relaxing morning.”
He grabbed my wrist, spun me around, and pressed my hand to his bare chest. His warmth permeated my skin and my shoulders involuntarily relaxed. A drum line pounded below my fingertips in a wild rhythm, and as if on cue, mine joined in.
“I can’t stop it. I think I might explode,” he said softly, then laughed. “But what a way to go.”
My breath hitched.
I made Thane Donnelly’s heart pound.
All responses I had fell away like the water droplets cascading down his torso.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.
“Maybe we don’t need to say anything at all,” he whispered back. “And I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I fought with everything I had not to grab your hand and sneak off into the woods so we could make out under the stars.”
My lips parted in surprise and his eyes dropped to them.
I tipped my face upward and slowly closed my eyes, ready for him to kiss me again.
He leaned in, so close that the water from his hair fell on my cheeks and ran down like happy tears.
I held my breath in anticipation, tortured by how long it took him to close the gap between us.
I wasn’t sure if it was impatience or curiosity that won out first, but I cracked open one eye to make sure he hadn’t played a horrible joke on me.
What I saw was his eyes, crinkled at the edges from smiling, and a look of adoration so deep that it made me squirm.
“What?” I asked quietly, opening the other eye. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hoped for this exact moment, and here I am, lucky enough to live it. I just wanted to soak it all in.”
He cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, and I swore all the bones in my body dissolved, turning me into a puddle of goop in his hands.
“Well, are you going to finish what you started, or will you leave me wanting more?” I asked, all breathy and surrendered.
“Hopefully both,” he replied as his mouth collided with mine.
I floated above my body as our lips explored, his hands dusting across my face like a feather in the wind.
I molded into his warm skin, losing myself in the moment that I, too, had hoped for, for years.
Our need for each other ebbed and flowed, knowing every second we stole away was on borrowed time.
Eventually our family would get suspicious of our purposeful proximity and lingering glances. But for that moment—in that kiss—we had each other, and that was enough. When Bash’s voice yelling for Thane broke through the haze, we crashed back to earth, hearts pounding, lungs out of breath.
I pulled away, worried we had been spotted. That’s when Thane tossed me over his shoulder and said, “Play along,” as he bolted toward the water.
I screamed and kicked in faux protest as he ran, failing to disguise my giggles.
“I found her! She was trying to be antisocial with her books again!” he yelled, and launched us both off the edge of the dock and into the lake.
We laughed and splashed on the outside, but inside, my heart was transforming right there in my chest while I pretended everything was normal. And he knew. Because when Thane’s eyes met mine, I could see that his heart was changing too.
That night at the bonfire, Bash disappeared with Jamie and left me to “make some friends.” It was funny how a brother I grew up with my whole life had no idea that my idea of a good time was a book and a cozy place to curl up.
I liked the bonfires, don’t get me wrong.
But the enjoyment came from staring into the fire, and getting lost in my own thoughts as the sparks cracked and floated above me.
I would have rather been a spectator to the socializing than a participant of it.
I looked around for a familiar face, gripping my red plastic cup full of Pepsi, and decided to retreat into a corner of the beach where the log stumps sat empty. There, I could hang for a bit, and slip out when I wanted to without being noticed.