Chapter 33
IT MIGHT HURT
Sera
Dark clouds roll in overhead while I watch out the window for the guys to return. When Thane and Bash pull into the driveway an hour later, they’re laughing. I walk up to Bash’s passenger window and lean onto the frame.
“So, how did it go?”
Bash and Thane exchange a glance and smile. Thane leans over the middle console to look at me out the window. “Let’s just say that Brad won’t be bothering you anymore.”
“You’re not going to give me any details?”
“Nah. It’s better that you don’t know,” Bash says with a grin, and Thane pounds his fist.
I fold my arms. “Try again, boys. I need to know that justice was rightfully served.”
They glance at each other, and with a simultaneous nod, Bash begins.
“Well, first, I took his phone and deleted your information from it. Then I told him to never contact you again.”
“When he called our bluff, I told him all the ways I could remove him from this earth that wouldn’t show up on an autopsy. Then I looked him dead in the eyes and explained that I wasn’t afraid of going to jail because of that one time in Peru,” Thane finishes.
“What one time in Peru?” I ask.
Thane’s grin widens across his whole face. “There isn’t one. But Brad doesn’t know that.”
“But the way the color completely drained from his face said he got the message loud and clear,” Bash says with a laugh, and Thane joins in.
I shake my head in disbelief. But deep down, the gratitude that I have not one but two protectors watching out for me swells.
They climb out of the car and Bash hugs me. “Quit picking douchebags, please. You’re going to get me fired from my job if I have to keep rescuing you.”
I push back and laugh. “Easier said than done, Big Brother. Have you seen the dating pool?”
“I sure have, but don’t be an idiot when there’s a good one right in front of your face.” He smacks Thane on the back and heads down the driveway. “I’m on dinner duty with Jamie tonight. See you at the fireworks!”
“If the weather holds!” I shout back.
The air between Thane and me shifts as soon as Bash walks away. I kick at a rock on the ground and search my brain for what to say. A whispered “Thank you” is all I manage.
“No problem,” Thane replies. “So, what was the final straw for you?”
“I’ve known for a long time that he wasn’t a great guy, Thane,” I admit with shame in my voice.
“Then why did you let him stick around? You’re stronger than that, Pidge.”
Hearing his nickname for me roll off his tongue has a different effect on me this time. It’s one of affection and fun, not belittlement like I always interpreted it to be.
I sigh, not wanting to have this conversation, but knowing we should.
“Rule Number One, Fina,” he says softly.
I look him square in the face and say it before I lose my nerve. “Because, Thane. If I can find someone I’m not super attached to, it doesn’t hurt when they leave. Or cheat on me. Or, in this case, make me the home-wrecker when I had no idea.”
Thane’s face turns quizzical. “What do you mean? He’s married?”
“You know the woman from the restaurant? She wasn’t his side chick. She’s his fiancée. I am the side chick.”
I cast my eyes down at the ground and try to rein in my shallow breaths. Thane’s hand tips my chin upward.
“Don’t you dare be ashamed of this. The only one who should feel shame for their actions is Brad. You had no idea.”
“I know. But you didn’t have to break the news to his bride-to-be that not only would you not be making their wedding cake, but that her fiancé was cheating on her too.”
Thane pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry for hurting you so badly that you can’t trust anyone with your heart,” he says softly, and kisses my hair.
At that, I burst into tears. Once I admitted out loud why I never feel too much or fall too deeply, the floodgates break open and I’m left without defenses.
Thunder rumbles above us and I feel exactly the same inside as the weather does on the outside.
Big, fat raindrops start hitting my arms, and Thane tucks me into him tighter to keep me dry.
I want to mold into his body. For the world to go away.
To finally feel safe. But doubt pulls me back.
It’s slight, but loud. So loud, in fact, that I can’t hear anything else.
I step backward. “I need some time to think,” I mumble under my breath, and start to walk away.
I have no idea where I’m going, but I know I need to flee.
I quicken my steps when I hear Thane call my name, thinking he’ll give up and retreat.
After all, that’s what he did the last time things got tough.
My flip flops are slippery from the rain that has grown from a drizzle to a downpour, making it difficult to walk steadily.
So much for a smooth exit. I’m staggering like a drunk clown at a circus.
The tears streaming down my face blend with the rain, and the only indication that I’m crying is the sound of weeping escaping me. It’s foreign to my ears, an out-of-body experience.
That’s when I hear the sound of his footsteps behind me.
My heart begs to turn around and go back to him, to work all this out.
But I don’t want to dredge up the hurt I felt when he left.
I’m not sure I’ll make it through a pain like that again.
I have to protect myself at all costs, because that’s the only way to survive.
I pick up my pace, slipping and sliding across the gravel trail.
“Fina! Stop!” he yells from behind me, and I pick up into a sprint.
His steps close in, and I know that if I look behind me, he’ll be right on my heels. So, like an idiot, I keep running.
Then I hear him yell, “Serafina, stop! Please,” and it gets through to me.
He never uses my whole name, but it’s the desperation in his “please” that stills my heart, and I realize what I’m doing: I’m the one running away. From the one man who can fix what he broke. The one man I’ve waited years to return and do exactly what he’s doing. So why am I running?
Fear.
I’m afraid of this new space where healing occurs, because I’ve lived so long in the sorrow it has almost become comfortable.
Even if it’s not a happy place to be, it’s at least familiar.
At this moment, I realize that the regret of not knowing how this can end is greater than the fear of it ending badly again.
Against everything that could go wrong, I stop.
He catches up to me in a few strides, hair dripping, chest heaving. For the longest time, we simply share a space while we catch our breath. Our eyes are full of things left unsaid and questions that need answering.
He tucks a dripping-wet strand behind my ear. “You’re the one running now.”
I nod. “I’m afraid of what happens next,” I whisper into the rain between us.
“It might hurt.”
“It already does,” I say, a sob escaping my throat.
He reaches out to me slowly, concern settling in the creases in his brow. When his hands make contact with my shoulders, I inhale sharply.
“Is it worth it?”
“Is what worth it?” I ask.
“Having the hard conversation so we can move forward,” he replies, his voice tight with tension. “Because from the moment I saw you again, all I’ve wanted to do was spill every secret I’ve held onto since I left.”
I close my eyes. My fight-or-flight instincts battle each other inside, and the chaos it creates overwhelms me. I take a steadying breath, and he tugs me ever so slightly toward him. I go the rest of the way on my own, and sink into his soaking-wet shirt.
“I’m not going anywhere, Fina, unless you ask me to leave. I’m not saying you have to put all your trust in me right this instant, but I am asking for the chance to earn it back.”
His voice reverberates through his chest and into my ear. It’s a hum that calms my nerves, and in between the thunder and lightning swarming around us, I hear myself say,
“Okay.”