Chapter 36
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE
Thane
“Why did you do it?” she asks when I finish my story of what really happened that night. “Why did you take the fall?”
“I was lost. My brother and sister were so driven and in school to do great things. I had no plan and no path forward—but Bash did. And I couldn’t let one big mistake destroy the rest of his life.
On top of all that, I didn’t deserve to have your heart.
I did the only thing I could think of to give myself value—even if I was the only one who knew the truth. ”
“Everyone who loves you has always seen your value, Thane.”
“I know that now—kind of. But I saw an opportunity to do something to help my best friend. Whether it was the right choice or not, I needed to keep him from becoming aimless like me. I needed to fill the voids inside me with something selfless and brave. But lying to everyone I love only made me feel emptier.”
“So you pulled away from us. From me,” Sera says, her eyes casting down to the wringing hands in her lap. She sniffles. “All this time, I thought I’d done something wrong. Like you’d changed your mind and didn’t have the heart to tell me.”
“That was the furthest thing from the truth, Fina. The last person I wanted to hurt was you.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? I could’ve been there for you.”
“I tried. I came over to your house one night, still covered in bruises, determined that I would come clean with you, no matter what the fallout might be. I walked through the door without knocking like I always did, but stopped when I heard your parents talking in the kitchen. I wanted to make some noise—announce that I had come in—but then I heard what they were talking about and I froze.”
“What were they saying?” she asks.
“I heard your dad say to your mom—“ I pause to swallow the lump in my throat. Having those words so close to the surface hurts all over again. “He said, ‘He’s not a good influence on her. I think it will be a good thing for him to leave for a bit and get some discipline in his life.’ It was easy to assume they were talking about me.”
“But did you know that for sure?”
“Well, no. But the way everyone turned on me after the accident, it only made sense.”
Suddenly, we hear a throat clear from behind us and we both turn toward the sound. Mrs. Spencer stands at the top of the stairs with two bowls.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you two, but this is the last of the homemade ice cream, and I figure you’d want some before it got eaten.”
We both take our bowls numbly and set them on the coffee table in front of us. “Thank you, Mama,” Sera says.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but since I did overhear, can I add something to clear the air?” she asks, twisting the dish towel in her hands.
“Of course,” I say softly.
“That conversation you heard between Jack and me was not about you, Thane. It was about Sebastian. We saw what his blood alcohol level was on his chart. We know that he was getting himself—and you—into trouble. We didn’t want him to drag Serafina into it as well.
And the discipline we spoke of was what we hoped he’d find when he trained for the Secret Service.
Which he did. We never thought you were a bad influence on Sera.
We have actually prayed that you two would finally unite our families for good. ”
“Hence, the forced road trip?” Sera asks.
“I plead the fifth on that one,” Lucia replies with a mischievous grin before walking back toward the stairs. “Now you two get to the making-up part, will ya?”
As she disappears from view, I breathe a sigh of relief.
I take a minute to let the crushing weight from that misunderstanding slowly fall away from my shoulders.
My eyes sting, and I blink back the tears forming.
This whole time they’ve wanted me to be a part of their family.
Despite what they thought I’d done. All that’s left now is to figure out how Sera feels.
The gentle touch of her hand lands on my face, and I lift my eyes to hers. She reaches up to stroke the scar on my forehead and studies it intently.
“I don’t know how I never noticed it before.
They said this scar was most likely from hitting the rearview mirror.
But if you were in the driver’s seat, it would’ve been on your right side, not your left.
” She shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I missed it all these years.
The evidence was there this whole time.”
“Well, don’t feel too bad about missing it. The cops didn’t catch on either. And neither did Bash.” I grip her free hand. “Please, Sera, don’t tell him.”
“You don’t think he has the right to know?”
“I don’t think it will do any good at this point. If he learns the truth, he’ll doubt his place in the Secret Service. He’ll feel like he lied to get where he is. Which he didn’t. I did. And that’s my burden to carry.”
Her eyes burrow into mine, and for a split second I worry that telling her was a bad idea. But after she lets out a big sigh, she agrees. “Fine. I’ll respect your choice to keep your secret, but I think the only way you’ll completely heal is if you tell him.”
I nod. I know she’s right, but how can I even begin to tell the truth to Bash? I’m afraid it will destroy him.
She sits quietly and analyzes me before breaking her silence. “So, I know the truth about why you left. But I still don’t know why you finally decided to come home.”
I take a big, deep breath in before answering.
“I saw a photo of you and Brad on your Instagram, and I knew if I didn’t want to live with regret forever, that I needed to come back and lay all my cards on the table.”
A small smile tugs at her lips. “You say that your social media feed isn’t all that meets the eye.
The same is true for me, too. In the spirit of keeping Rule Number One, I dated to fill a hole you left.
But no one ever could. Eventually, when my heart stopped hurting, I decided I’d never let myself feel that deeply for someone again.
I picked men I knew I could never fully give my heart to.
Men who were fun, but not someone I could see far into the future with.
Someone I cared about, but didn’t emotionally invest in.
So when each of them left, it was barely a blip in my life.
I didn’t even cry most of the time. I just dusted myself off and kept moving forward.
But the thing is, I wasn’t truly happy either.
I was just going through the motions, living a life with a numb heart. ”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her against my chest. Instead of resisting, she melts into me. I stroke her hair, and before I lose my nerve, I blurt out:
“I should’ve stayed, Sera. Faced the music, been a man.
But I was terrified. I wanted you more than anything else in the world, and I felt so unworthy to be loved by you.
I know we were still just kids, but I dreamt of the day I could give you my grandmother’s ring.
I didn’t want adventures alone; I wanted babies with your eyes.
I wanted to make out with you in front of our teenagers until they gagged in disgust. I wanted to have coffee with you every morning and whisper with you on our pillows every night.
I wanted to make you smile and laugh so much that I was the reason you got those little crinkly lines by your eyes.
To hold your hand until you couldn’t see and I couldn’t hear.
And even in death, I wanted to be put to rest right beside you. ”
My breaths labor from the desperation my words unearth, and I don’t dare glance down at her. I am exposed, vulnerable, and emotionally naked. But when a sob escapes her, I lean her away from my chest.
She swipes at tears streaming down her face, and I panic.
I came into this conversation so unprepared.
I shove my hands down into the couch cushions and feel around for something, anything to give her.
I find a quarter, a rock, and a Cheeto with lint on it; but then, jackpot!
I find a napkin cast aside from lunchtime, and hand it to her.
“Sorry, that’s the best I can do, tissue-wise,” I say.
She shakes her head at the ridiculousness of my offering, but takes it anyway.
“Thank you,” she says softly, wiping her tears.
“Now, the question remains,” I say with hesitation, unsure I want to know the answer, “what’s next for SeraThaniel?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
When she laughs, I relax a little.
“Well, it’s definitely not an ice cream date,” she chuckles, picking up the spoon from her soupy, melted ice cream bowl. “But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been hoping for this to happen since the day I watched you drive away.”
“Is that a yes to trying again?” I say with a voice full of hope.
“Yeah,” she says, grinning. “It is.”