Chapter 38
FRONT PORCH DREAM
Thane
Sera tears off her top layer of clothes as she runs, leaving a trail of shirt, shoes, and shorts from the house to the dock.
I follow suit, although the only clothing I need to get rid of is a pair of flip flops.
I run as fast as I can, my long legs catching up to her in just a few strides.
I grin as I follow her curvy butt in a bright red swimsuit toward the water, but that’s where it all goes sideways.
She hits a slick spot on the dock and the graceful gait she had seconds before transforms to something that can only be described as a baby giraffe on ice skates.
It all happens so quickly that I have no time to stop, and crash into her at full speed, taking out two deck chairs in the process.
Sera and I careen off the end of the dock—arms and legs flailing everywhere.
We hit the water as one big human mass, and both of us resurface coughing. I apologize profusely after I finish choking on lake water.
“I am so sorry, Pidge!” I sputter, pulling her toward me. “I couldn’t stop!”
I cautiously peel her plastered hair away from her face and check to make sure she’s okay. She stares at me in silence for a beat, her chest heaving. I’m not sure if she’s about to hold me under water until the bubbles stop, or if she’s hurt and about to cry.
Instead, she surprises me with her recovery and says with a chuckle, “Well, that didn’t go as planned. I wonder if the surveillance cameras caught it.”
“If they did, we need to erase it immediately.” I laugh. “There’s no way I can uphold my suave reputation with that kind of evidence circulating.”
“What ‘suave reputation’? Ninety percent of your moves have flopped hardcore since we left Long Island, Mr. Thirst Trap,” she says with a laugh.
I scowl. “That’s not true. I have been the pillar of chivalry and charisma.”
With that, she laughs harder. Then she holds up her fingers one at a time to keep score.
“Making us have to drive down here because you wouldn’t be a gentleman and give up your plane seat. Philly cheesesteak brawl. Broken windshield. Gas station burritos—not to mention getting locked in the bathroom then, too.”
I counter with all of her mistakes, ticking my fingers up as I go. “Locking the keys in the car before we even left. The chastity blanket debacle.”
“Hey! That was your fault!” she says, pointing a finger at me and grinning.
“I’ll only take credit for the bloody nose all over the sheets. The rest of the blame—including the broken bed—is on you, ‘Handsy.’”
That one gets a rise out of her and I can see the fire flickering in her eyes, so I stoke it.
“Then your horrible ex showed up, ruined our vacation, and punched me in the face. I have a black eye from that douche.” I touch my eye where it’s still tender and her face softens.
“Yeah, that part sucked. Sorry about that,” she says softly, touching my bruise with her fingertips.
“It’s okay. The kiss in the pantry more than made up for it,” I tease.
She shakes her head. “We make a terrible duo, don’t we?”
I kiss her lips and she wraps her arms around my neck. “The most amazingly terrible duo. But I wouldn’t trade any of this mess for perfection, would you?”
She smiles from ear to ear. “Not one bit.”
“Hey,” I say with anticipation bubbling inside me. “I have something to tell you.”
An intrigued smile slides across her face. “Really? What?”
“I told Bash today.”
“You did what?” she shrieks.
“I told him. We were all alone in the boat while the rest of the guys packed up on the shore, and it just felt right.”
“How did he respond?”
A knot collects in my throat and I swallow a few times before I can continue.
“He hugged me harder than he ever has before. Apologized for putting me in that position to begin with, and told me I was the best friend he has ever had.”
I force a smile.
“Wow. Definitely not the outcome we expected.”
“Definitely not. And the best part is, that burden I carried unnecessarily for so long just… disappeared. I feel lighter than I have in years.”
“I’m so proud of you, Thane. You’ve done a lot of hard things since we started out on this trip. I’m glad you’re finally free.”
I hug her tightly and kiss the top of her head. “Me too, Fina.”
I lay out a flannel throw blanket on the grass at take two of the fireworks show that evening.
Most of our families do the same, although Emma and Kevin stayed back to put the twins to bed.
I lie on my side, leaving enough room for Sera to spoon in.
But when she joins me on the blanket, she faces toward me.
“The fireworks will be going off behind you,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah, I know. But I want to watch them in your eyes instead.”
I laugh. “What do you mean?”
“The best part about fireworks is the awestruck faces of the people you love. I want to watch them from your face.”
“What if my lack of excitement disappoints you?” I say as the first firework shoots off. I make an overly exaggerated expression to make her laugh.
But when I look down at her, the fireworks are reflecting in a pool of tears brimming in her eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry. Today is a happy day. Remember? We beat the British!”
A laugh escapes her and I catch a stray tear on her cheek with my thumb.
“I’m just grateful to be here, in this place, with you.”
I squeeze her tight. “Me too. I’ve hoped for this moment for a long time.”
I fall asleep that night on the loft couch with her in my arms, and it’s the perfect way to end our vacation.
My hands shake as I fold the last of my clothes into my bag.
I pack as slowly as possible, because I don’t want this week to come to an end.
Sera and I have come a long way in ten days, but deep down, I still feel like any minute I’ll wake up in a hostel somewhere and this will all have been a dream.
She is my everything. She never stopped being my everything—no matter how long we were apart.
The truth is, I don’t want to waste any more time living my life without her.
If I knew with absolute certainty that she would say “yes,” I would ask her to marry me today.
But I also don’t want to spook her. She needs me to build trust with her again, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get that done.
“Hey, you about ready to go?” Sera asks, wrapping her arms around me from behind.
I clutch her hands on my chest, wanting to keep her there forever.
“Almost,” I say with a forced smile.
She leans her head against my back and tightens her grip around me. Her hand stills over my heartbeat. “Is everything okay?” she asks. “Your heart is going crazy!”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Rule Number One, T.”
I take in a big breath and let it out slowly.
“I don’t want this to be over. I worry that as soon as we leave here, things will fall apart.” I squeeze her hand. “I don’t want to go back to a life without you in it.”
“Me either,” she says softly. “I’ll be right back.”
Before she shares with me why she’s running off, she’s halfway down the stairs. I shove the rest of my clothes and gear into my duffel and zip it closed before throwing the strap over my shoulder as I take off after her.
By the time I find her outside, she’s waving at our family as they ride off in their Ubers.
“Um, weren’t we supposed to be caravanning with them on the way to the airport?” I ask.
“Yep. But I have a better idea,” she replies, tossing me the keys to the lake house. “It’s too late to leave now if we want to do the whole trip in one day. I think we should stay one more night here. Then we get up at sunrise tomorrow and hit the road. What do you say?”
A grin chases away all the worries I had and I jog toward the lake house with a pep in my step. “One more night?”
She nods. “You up for another road trip?”
I put my arm around her.
“Absolutely.”
I spend the rainy morning wrapped up with Sera on the couch, melting into the sound of her voice as she reads her book to me.
I’m certainly not a rom-com kind of guy—at least, I didn’t use to be.
But after I left Long Island, following Sera’s bookstagram made me feel like she was still a part of my life.
Watching her reels and hearing her voice allowed me to be a tiny part of hers.
But it was the act of reading the same books that brought me closer to her.
Like we were looking up at the same moon, connecting in a world that didn’t feel quite so big anymore.
That bond to her was the only thing that kept me going sometimes.
Getting lost in a book that brought her joy gave me some too.
And now, as I listen to her tell me the story, every muscle in my body relaxes one by one.
“Thane,” Sera says, shaking me awake. “We fell asleep. It’s after noon.”
I open one eye at a time and release my hold on her body, but she doesn’t move. Her stillness is stiff, and the tension she holds in her muscles spreads to me. I clear my throat.
When I’ve finally rounded up the courage to address the change in vibration between us, I ask, “You okay, Fina?”
She sighs and her fingers nervously draw a pattern on my arm. Out of nowhere she asks, “Why do you want me, Thane?”
I plant a kiss in her hair and take a deep, thoughtful breath before answering.
“That year I broke my leg when we were kids, I was sitting in my bedroom, staring out the window at all the other kids playing outside. It was around dinnertime, and your dad had just pulled into the driveway of your house. I watched him get out of the car and walk up to the porch, just as your mom came out to greet him. She stood on the top step of the porch, and he stood at the bottom. It was the perfect setup, since she’s so much shorter than he is.
They stood face to face, eye to eye. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and they hugged and kissed for a few minutes before they called you and Bash in for dinner.
It made my eight-year-old heart happy to see that.
“The next day, they did the same thing. And the next few days after that too.
Even if it was raining. I realized after seeing them greet each other like that every day after work for a week that it was their routine.
Your mom would meet him on the porch steps, and he ran to her like he could drop the weight of the world just by being in her arms. They looked so in love.
They prioritized their relationship and took just a few minutes to connect—no matter how crazy life got.
“I decided clear back then that that’s what I wanted my life to be like.
The older I got, the more I realized that you were the one I wanted to kiss on the porch steps.
I began to entertain the idea of you and me living in a little house somewhere in a nice neighborhood, while our children rode bikes in the cul-de-sac.
After a while I couldn’t imagine that scenario with anyone else.
” I take a deep breath to let the pain break open and seep out of all the cracks inside me.
“Then everything fell apart. I couldn’t stand the idea of watching that dream slip through my fingers, so I turned away from it.
I thought if I left first, it wouldn’t hurt so bad.
But I was wrong. I never outran that dream.
Then I saw you again, and everything flooded back on me like a tsunami.
I don’t know how to reconcile that, or us. ”
I want to burst wide open, letting every painful thing I’ve carried flow out of me until I’m empty. But when I feel Sera sigh, I stop.
Did I say too much too soon? Is she totally freaked out now, and we have a huge road trip ahead of us tomorrow that will be awkward and weird?
“I had no idea it ran that deep for you,” she whispers.
I let out a quiet chuckle to hide the vulnerability I exposed. “A bit more than just a crush,” I say in response.
“So all this time…” she trails off.
“I’ve loved you with my whole heart.”
“Nathaniel James Donnelly, you’re a better secret keeper than I thought.”
“Yeah, well. I’m not sure it’s a good thing.”
“You’re loyal to a fault, and hold onto things that hurt you just to keep those around you protected. But when is it your turn to be protected?”
I kiss her head again. “Never, if it means that you get to be happy.”
“And if what I got when you left didn’t make me happy, then what?”
“Then I’d ask you what would make you happy.”
She pauses for a long moment before saying softly, “Your front porch dream.”