Chapter 5
five
QUINN
I pull up to the middle school's pickup line, still thinking about my two brief encounters with Declan.
There’s something about him that made it easy to talk to him, but that didn’t stop me from being shocked I shared anything about my past. I lived in New York for ten years, had co-workers and neighbors, made friends with some of them, and none of them knew any of the things I shared with Declan. Which, if I’m being honest, wasn’t much. But that’s how closed off I was to people. I didn’t want them knowing anything about my past.
I can’t stop my thoughts from drifting back to him, though. No matter how much I know there is too much going on in my life for me to dwell on any of it.
He’s a co-worker, and apparently, close friends with both my dad and my brother. He’s going to be part of my life, no matter what. I can be his friend, but that’s it.
It wouldn’t hurt to have someone else to lean on, but there can be nothing more than that. Even if these feelings have me questioning what I think I know about my future.
I still don’t know what I’m doing after this year in Ashford Falls. There is nothing keeping me here. Even if a miracle happens, and Dad somehow makes it through this recurrence, he wouldn’t want me to stay in town if it isn’t where I want to be.
There is Max to think about. But he would be better off being with Caleb and Emily if the time came for him to no longer be with Dad, which is something I refuse to think about.
The point being, Declan is the kind of guy to settle down and create deep roots wherever he ends up. Based on the limited interactions I had with him, and hearing about him from the students in my classes, Ashford Falls is the place he picked. He isn’t going anywhere.
So, exploring these feelings—feelings that are definitely new to me—isn’t an option.
No matter how much I don’t want to admit it … I’m more like my mother than anyone should want to be. I don’t hate Ashford Falls or small-town living the way she appeared to. There are pieces of this place I would always love and crave while being anywhere else. But I don’t think this is a place for me permanently, either. I love traveling and experiencing new things. Things you could never experience here.
That said, I don’t love the hustle and bustle of the city, either. Everyone moves too fast, with what feels like no appreciation for the world around them. It would be nice to have a slower, calmer home base to come back to between assignments. But is that place Ashford Falls? Would I be able to find peace here when Dad is no longer around?
Again, something I refuse to think about right now. Dad is still here, and outside of this accident, he’s still doing well. I still have time with him, and I refuse to rush that.
I hear the final bell ring, signaling the end of Max's school day. Kids will come out of those doors in moments, and I’m still unsure how to share the news about Dad.
Max has been forced to grow up much faster than any kid should, between his mother abandoning him, and the only man he has known as his father battling lung cancer. I was eighteen when my mother abandoned us, and even now, at twenty-eight, I still don’t understand it.
Dad has been around for all the major milestones I already experienced. Ones you take for granted that your parents will be there for. Max wouldn’t get those moments. Dad wouldn’t be there on his first day of high school, he wouldn’t be there to talk him through his first love, or for any of his graduations. He wouldn’t be there to encourage him to follow his dreams, whatever they might be. If I don’t understand it, how can he?
The passenger door opens, pulling me from my thoughts. I look over to see Max wave to a group of friends before getting into the car.
I’m still surprised by how grown-up he looks every time I see him. He takes after our mother, with his brown hair, brown eyes, and button nose. But he carries himself just like Dad, confident and strong, even at eleven years old.
“Have a good day at school?” I ask, helping him put his backpack in the back seat.
“It was fine. A normal school day.”
“Learn anything new?” It’s probably a stupid question, but I can’t stop myself from asking.
Max stops getting himself situated and looks up at me. “Did Dad tell you to ask me that?”
I laugh. “No, but Dad used to ask me that too.”
“Oh. Well, yeah, of course I learned new things. That’s the whole point of going to school, isn’t it?” He rolls his eyes at me, clearly exasperated.
“Yeah, it is,” I say, a smile still on my face as I pull away from the school.
“How about you? Did you have a good day at school?” Max asks, turning his head to look at me.
“I did. The students in my class were great, and I met the art teacher who was teaching my classes for me.”
“Declan?” Max asks excitedly. “He’s awesome. He comes to all my soccer and baseball games.”
“That’s great.” I know there's a bit of mock enthusiasm in my tone, but hopefully Max doesn't pick up on it.
This is another thing for me to add to the list of reasons Declan is a good man. And another reason I need to remember that friends are all we can be. It doesn't make my life any easier, though, knowing I'll be seeing him both in my professional life and my personal one. I've never had to fight my feelings for someone. My brain and heart have always been on the same page. But somehow, even though I've only known Declan for a few hours, I can tell my brain and heart are at odds. My brain knows I am in no place to bring someone into my life, especially a man so close to my family. But my heart is telling me to forget all that and follow whatever path life takes us on.
No matter what my heart may be telling me, I have to listen to my brain. After everything I’ve been through and done, I could never deserve a man like that.
“Well, did you learn anything new?” Max asks when I don’t say anything else.
A laugh bursts out of me. I am so incredibly lucky Max is my little brother. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if he wasn’t in it. “You know what? I think I did.”
“Good.”
We’re quiet for the rest of the short drive home, and as I pull into the driveway, I glance over at Max, preparing to share the news about Dad’s accident.
I don’t know what the inside of the house will look like. I assume Lucy was here when it happened or is the one who found him. Which means the chances any mess made was likely already cleaned up.
“Hey, I’ve got something to tell you before we go in,” I say, putting the car in park, unbuckling my seatbelt, and angling myself toward Max.
He stops in the middle of removing his seatbelt and looks at me. After a moment, he lets go and mirrors my position. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“It’s nothing terrible,” I start. “First, considering everything, Dad’s okay.” I wait for some kind of acknowledgment from Max before continuing. “He fell down the stairs earlier. He broke his leg and passed out. They’re worried he might have a concussion. Last I spoke with Caleb they were running a few more tests before deciding if they were going to keep him overnight for observations.” I pause and take a breath. “If he’s not home tonight, he should be home tomorrow.”
I’m quiet while I let Max absorb what I’ve told him. I know I gave him a lot of information, but I’ve learned it’s better to be honest with Max. He understands much more than we wish he did.
“Okay. Are we going to the hospital now?” he asks after a few minutes of silence.
“I was planning on waiting for Caleb’s call to update us on what the decision was about keeping Dad. I thought we could go have dinner with him and bring him some stuff to occupy his time if he’s staying overnight.”
Max hesitates before nodding his head. “Okay.”
“We can go now if you want. I’m sure Dad would love the company,” I offer, seeing the worry on Max’s face.
Max was seven when Dad was first diagnosed. I know he remembers almost everything from that time, but he wasn’t part of these kinds of conversations back then. Caleb and I wanted to shield him from everything the best we could.
It might not have been the best decision, but we wanted him to be a kid as long as he could be. Now he’s older, and there’s no hiding anything from him.
“Can we call Caleb and get an update now?” Max asks, hope shining in his eyes.
“Sure. Let’s go inside, and then we’ll call.”
We both get out of the car, gathering our things before heading to the front door. As I unlock the door and step inside, I quickly glance to the stairs, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. You’d never know someone might have fallen down them a few hours earlier.
I continue to the living room, setting my bags down on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch and pulling my phone out of my pocket. I wait for Max to join me on the sofa before hitting Caleb’s contact information.
“Hey, I was just getting ready to call you,” Caleb says as a greeting.
“Great, I’ve got Max here with me. He wants an update before deciding if we should head to the hospital now or wait,” I say as I turn the call on speakerphone.
“Hey, buddy. How was school?” Caleb asks.
“It was fine.” Max glances at me before continuing. “Can we talk about school after you tell us about Dad?” I understand Max’s nervous energy. I want to know about Dad as much as he does.
“Of course. They are going to keep Dad overnight, but not because of the concussion. It turns out the break in his leg is worse than they thought it was, and he’s going to need some surgery to correct it. It’s a routine procedure, so they don’t expect any complications. It will be first thing in the morning, so he should still be able to go home tomorrow.”
“So there’s no concussion, or it’s mild?” I ask, keeping an eye on Max.
“It was a mild concussion. Dad only lost consciousness for a few seconds. Lucy was there, so she heard the fall and called 9-1-1, but he was completely alert when the ambulance arrived and on the ride to the hospital.”
“Good.” We’re quiet for a moment, the three of us taking everything in. “Well, since Dad will be there overnight, I’ll pack him a bag, and we’ll bring some dinner as well.”
“That sounds great. My shift ends at six, so I’ll try to join you if I can. Emily is here with him now to keep him company.”
I smile, thinking about my sister-in-law. Caleb and Emily met when they were both in medical school. Him with plans to go into emergency medicine, and her with plans to go into general surgery.
Caleb claims it was love at first sight for him, but being the grumpy idiot he is, he refused to follow his heart and made the biggest fool of himself. Rightfully so, Emily did not give him the time of day. But somewhere along the way, he let himself feel his feelings, and she fell for him in return.
She is the best thing that’s ever happened to my brother, and the way the two of them love and support each other makes it hard for me to deny that true love exists.
“Is she going to stick around?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think she will. Can you make sure you bring enough food for all of us?”
“Sure thing. We’ll see you all in a bit,” I say, hanging up the phone and looking at Max. “You okay?
“Yeah. Thanks for telling me the truth.”
“Of course, bud. You have every right to know what’s going on. But if it’s ever too much, you have to promise to let Caleb or me know, all right?”
“Yeah.” Max leans forward and gives me a quick hug. I hold him longer than he wants, but there might come a day when he doesn’t offer affection as freely as he does now. So I’m going to hold on as long as I can.