Chapter 30
thirty
DECLAN
“You ready to go?” I ask from the door to Quinn’s classroom.
“I need one more minute.”
I can see how nervous she is from how meticulously she’s organizing her desk—something I haven’t seen since the first week she was here.
I know she’s scared of how today will go, not just seeing Nicole in court but also what the judge will say and his decision.
Ava has prepared all of us for every outcome of today’s hearing. The worst-case scenario is he orders weekly visitation for Nicole starting immediately, but she feels pretty strongly that won’t be the case. Nicole abandoned her two-year-old son and has never attempted to contact him over the last ten years. It will take more than filing a lawsuit to convince anyone she deserves to be back in his life.
Of course, knowing that doesn’t make it any less scary.
I step into the classroom, making my way closer to Quinn. “Bug?—”
“I know,” Quinn interrupts. “I have nothing to be nervous about. Ava is more than ready for this. With Ava being the fancy lawyer she is, this is probably one of the easiest cases she’s ever had. And I don’t even have to look at Mom. But I just …” She finally looks at me, a pleading look on her face.
“Come here.” I reach for her, pulling her into my chest. “It doesn’t matter how prepared we are for today; your feelings are valid.”
Her arms move around my waist, holding on tight. “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere.”
Only when Quinn loosens her hold on me do I do the same. She leans back and lifts her face to mine for a tender kiss.
“You ready?” I ask quietly, my lips still against hers.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She presses one more quick kiss to my lips and pulls away to gather her stuff, placing her hand in mine when she’s ready to leave.
“Thank you,” she says as we get outside to my truck.
“You don’t have to thank me.” I open the door for her and wait for her to get in before carefully shutting it.
I understand why she’s feeling anxious. I remember feeling similar the first few times I returned home to see my parents after moving to Ashford Falls. But my relationship with my parents was never as complicated as Quinn’s with her mother.
I hate seeing her like this. I wish I could whisk her away so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. But I also know dealing with this will be the only way she can move on and live her life. She has to let go of this belief that she is like Nicole. Until Quinn does that, she’ll always question if she’s capable of having the future she wants.
If I could do it for her, I would. But I’ll stand by her side through all of it, so she’ll never have to deal with it alone, or at least as long as she’ll let me.
“I never want you to think I don’t appreciate everything you do for me,” Quinn says as I climb in and start the truck.
“Bug, I’ve never thought that. You would do the same for me if the roles were reversed.”
“In a heartbeat,” she says instantly.
“Then that’s all that matters.” I take her hand over the center console. “Don’t worry about me and you. We’re going to be fine, no matter what.”
“You don’t know that,” she whispers.
“As long as we’re willing to focus on us, I do know that. You’ll have to work really hard to get rid of me.” I offer her a small smile, trying to bring some levity to the conversation.
She gives me a tight smile, squeezes my hand, and turns to look out her window. I squeeze her hand in response and start driving.
“Sorry, we’re late,” Quinn says when we find everyone standing outside the courthouse.
“No, you’re not late. We’re all early.” Scott pulls her into a side hug, holding her close as everyone else exchanges hellos.
“Are we ready to go in?” Caleb asks.
“Definitely,” Ava says, taking charge and leading everyone inside.
As everyone goes through the process of getting into the courthouse, I remain by Quinn’s side, following her lead. I know I’ve told her numerous times since finding out about the court date I would be here every step of the way, but telling her and showing her are two different things. And I won’t lie. I’m not entirely sure what’s going through Quinn’s head.
The closer we’ve gotten to today, the more she’s seemed to pull away, not just from me but from everyone. I’ve spent every night in her bed, and she’s been just as responsive and caring, but something has shifted. She’s been quieter, and she doesn’t smile as much. It feels like she’s preparing herself for pain, but I don’t know who or what she thinks will be causing it. There’s her mother, but why would she be pulling away from everyone if it was just that?
I’m nervous about what the future holds for Quinn and me. She hasn’t told me she’s done with us, but the signs tell me that conversation might be on the horizon. I’ll respect her wishes, as long as I think she’s doing it because it’s what she wants and not because it’s some preemptive strike against some worst-case scenario she’s imagining. I’m not willing to give her up for anything less than her not feeling the same way I feel about her. What we have is too special not to fight for it.
“When our case is called, Scott will sit with me. The rest of you will have to sit in the gallery,” Ava tells us as we stand in the hall outside the courtroom. “We’re the last hearing for the day. Chances are the courtroom will be empty, so you’ll be able to sit close to us. But remember, none of you”—she glances at all of us—“should speak at all. The only one who can speak is Scott, and only when the judge speaks directly to you.”
“Got it. No talking at all.” Caleb mimes zipping his mouth shut, locking it, and throwing away the key. I see Scott smirk out of the corner of my eye, but Emily taps him in the stomach with the back of her hand. “Sorry, you all know I’m not good with emotions.”
“Stop talking.” Emily tries to stifle her laugh, but it still breaks through, causing everyone except Quinn to smile.
I place my hand on the small of Quinn’s back, reminding her I’m here. She doesn’t look at me, but I feel her shift a little closer, which has me relaxing the slightest bit. If she’s still leaning on me, I know she’s still with me.
“I’m going to go in quietly to see where they are. You all can stay out here for now,” Ava says, moving toward the courtroom.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom before we go in,” Scott says before moving down the hall.
“Have you seen Mom?” Quinn asks Caleb as soon as Scott is out of earshot.
“Yeah, we saw her with her lawyer outside. They came in a few minutes before you got here.”
“Did she say anything?”
“No, but her lawyer was looking at her in a pretty non-professional manner, if you know what I mean.” Caleb wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as if trying to make sure we understand what he means.
“That might explain why this guy took her case,” I offer, my hand moving up Quinn’s back to the base of her neck.
“Maybe,” Quinn says quietly.
“How’d your appointment go this morning?” I ask after a few moments of silence.
“Good!” Emily shares excitedly. “We had the doctor write the sex down on a piece of paper so we can all find out together on Christmas.”
“Are you doing one of those reveal things?” I ask.
“No, we’ll open the envelope together sometime during the day.” Emily bounces on the toes of her feet; she’s so excited.
“We thought about letting the doctor tell us today, but I don’t think this one would have been able to keep it to herself until Christmas,” Caleb says, smiling down at Emily.
“I think you might be right.” I chuckle as Scott returns from the bathroom.
The courtroom door opens as people file out, Ava in the middle of them.
“Okay, let’s go. They just called our case.”
I start to follow behind Caleb and Emily when I feel Quinn tug on my arm, pulling me back to her. When I see the anxiety clear across her face, I immediately step in front of her, taking both her hands in mine and blocking her view of everything around us.
“Your dad would understand if you need to wait out here. He wouldn’t want you stressing out about this.”
“I know you’re right,” she says quietly. “But I need to do this. For myself.” She takes a deep breath. “I need a second.”
“Okay.” I don’t move from blocking her view, but I bring her hands up to my chest, letting her feel my steady heartbeat and breathing.
It only takes her a moment to gather herself. I can see the emotional walls she’s building around herself to get her through this next part. I’d be worried about whether those walls will come back down if it weren’t for the quick kiss she presses to my lips before stepping around me to follow her family into the courtroom.