Chapter 34
thirty-four
DECLAN
I want to say I’m not concerned I haven’t heard from Quinn since we said goodbye at the courthouse yesterday afternoon, but that would be a lie. I’m terrified she’s somehow talked herself into ending this thing between us and is just trying to figure out how to tell me.
I keep telling myself if that were true, she would have canceled breakfast with Ava. Yet, Ava was up and out the door by eight forty-five this morning to meet her at The Diner. If she’s pulling away from me, she would likely do the same with everyone around her, even her family.
Quinn is the type of person who wouldn’t allow herself to continue being friends with someone from my family if she wasn’t going to be with me, even though I would never ask her to do that.
I know it’s good for us to have time for ourselves. Spending all of our free time together isn’t realistic, and it isn’t healthy. But I hate the reason for us being separated right now. I know she needed time to digest everything said yesterday; I understand it, but I still hate it.
I love her, and I just want to be there for her—however that looks.
I let Ava borrow my truck this morning, knowing I wouldn’t be going anywhere except to see Quinn, so when I hear her pull into the driveway a couple of hours after she left, I have to stop myself from meeting her at the door.
“Hey, big brother! I’m home,” Ava calls as soon as she walks in the door.
There is no reason for Ava to shout. The ground floor of the house is an open concept. There aren’t many areas you can’t see from the front door.
“Hey,” I say from the kitchen. “Did you have a good time?” I ask, trying not to be obvious by flat-out asking about Quinn, but my sister knows me better than most.
Ava sits at the kitchen island, a look of concern crossing her face. “Quinn was in better spirits when she made it to The Diner this morning, but when I left, she was sitting down to coffee with her mom.”
“Did her mom approach her?” I reach into my pocket for my phone, wanting to make sure I haven’t missed anything from Quinn.
“No. Quinn started breakfast by asking me to set up some time for them to talk. It was a coincidence her mom showed up when she did.”
I feel Ava watching me as I study my phone for a minute before finally deciding to send Quinn a quick text.
Me: Hey, Bug. Ava just got home and told me about your mom. I’m here if you need me.
“It seems like Quinn was really impacted by her mom leaving,” Ava says quietly. “I mean, I get it. I’m not saying I don’t. A parent abandoning you at any age can’t be easy. But it seems like it’s more than that.”
“There is more to it, but it’s not my story to share.”
“She’s told you about it?”
“Yeah, she’s told me about it.”
Before Ava can say more, there’s a knock at the door. “You expecting someone?” I ask her, making my way to the door.
“No.”
I’m a little surprised when I open the door to find Caleb. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you had a shift at the hospital.” I open the door wider, giving him room to enter.
“Night shift,” he says, coming into the house. “Hey, Ava.”
“Hey.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask Caleb. We may be best friends, but we rarely show up unannounced at each other’s house, not unless something is going on.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. You know I get bored when Emily and I are on opposite shifts.” Caleb moves into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.
“Well, since Caleb is here to keep you busy, I’m gonna go pack.” Ava stands from her seat. “See you tomorrow, Caleb!” she hollers on her way up the stairs.
“Sure thing!” he calls back. “Why do you need to stay busy?” he asks as I take a seat on the couch with him.
Caleb and I haven’t talked about the fact I’m seeing his sister. It’s not that either of us has been intentionally avoiding the conversation, but we haven’t directly discussed it either.
I haven’t been in a relationship since Melissa, and Caleb and Emily were already married when I got to Ashford Falls, so relationship talks weren’t something we’ve ever had. Yeah, he and Emily have fought, often causing Caleb to show up on my doorstep, but they always make up faster than he ever has time to tell me about it.
It will be weird to talk about his sister, but I need to talk to someone. I sigh and decide to go for it. “Your sister.”
Caleb shifts in his seat, angling his body toward me and studying me intently. “What’s going on?” he finally asks after a few minutes.
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. “She’s been pulling away over the last week. I don’t know if it’s your mom being in town or if it’s more than that.”
“I’ve never seen you this invested in someone else before.”
“I’ve never been this invested.” Part of me wants to look away from Caleb, but I also want him to see how serious I am. This is his sister we’re talking about. I don’t want him to doubt how I feel about Quinn.
“You love her.”
It’s not a question, but I confirm he’s right, anyway. “Yeah, I am very much in love with her; though, I haven’t told her yet.”
“She’s been through a lot.”
“I know.” I nod my head.
“No, man, it’s more than just stuff with my mom.”
“I know, Caleb. Quinn told me about what happened in New York. When you and Emily went to help her.”
“She told you?” he asks, a little surprised.
“Yeah. After Max’s birthday party.”
“Was it …” He pauses, swallowing visibly, “Was it as bad as I think it was?” he finally manages to ask.
“Yeah. It was.”
Caleb looks down, needing a moment to gather himself. When he looks back up at me, his eyes are glassy. “I knew it in my gut. I just didn’t want it to be true.”
“I know, but your sister is so fucking strong. She made it to the other side. And I know she couldn’t have done it if you hadn’t acted exactly as you did. She needed you to trust that she had it handled.”
“I know I joked about it a few weeks ago, but you two are perfect for each other,” he says, a small smile taking shape.
“I want to believe that, but I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of what your mom coming back means for her.” I think about how to phrase my next words. I never want to break Quinn’s trust. Telling him about what happened after her attack is not my place, but I also need Caleb’s advice. He’s the person who knows her best. If anyone can help me understand what’s happening with her now, it’s him.
“Quinn has a lot of feelings around your mom, and not all of it comes from her leaving you all the way she did.”
“She’s afraid of being like our mom, isn’t she?”
“Yeah. I think she is.”
“Declan, if that’s true, then none of this has anything to do with you. I know that doesn’t make any of it better, but it’s the truth.” Caleb shifts in his seat, turning to face me more head-on. “I have never seen her with anyone the way she is with you. I’ve never seen her happier.”
“Is that enough, though?” I ask quietly, afraid of his answer.
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. It might take her a minute to realize it, but she will, and when she does, she won’t stop at anything to make sure you know it.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am,” he tells me confidently. “And for the record, I’m really happy you two have each other.”
Another knock sounds at the door, stopping the conversation.
“You’re popular today,” Caleb jokes.
I open the door, and it’s almost as if Caleb conjured her, because there in front of me is Quinn.
“Hey.” She sighs, as if she can finally relax now she’s seen me.
“Hey,” I say, a little stunned.
“Can we talk?”
“Of course.” I open the door wider, and as she passes, she brushes her hand over my chest like she’s trying to make sure I’m really here.
“Ava!” Caleb calls as he stands from his seat, throwing a wink my way. “You better bring your bag with you! You can stay with Emily and me tonight!”
“What?” she calls back.
“My sister is here, and I don’t think you want to be here for whatever is about to go down.”
“You are not funny,” Quinn tells him, and I fight a smile.
“Let’s get out of here,” Ava says, rushing down the stairs with her bag over her shoulder. “See you both tomorrow.” And then it’s just Quinn and me standing next to the closed front door.
“I’m sorry,” Quinn blurts, dropping her purse on the floor.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I reach for her, but she moves, pacing the space before I can touch her.
“Yes, I do. I’ve been all over the place this past week, and I hurt you last night when I told you I needed space.” She turns to me, stopping in the kitchen.
“No, I understood that.” I take a few steps toward her.
“That may be true, but I still didn’t go about it the right way. I was scared and didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Scared of what?”
“Everything,” she whispers. “But mostly, I was afraid I’m too much like my mother and that I would wake up one day and run from all of this, from you.”
“Quinn—” I go to close the distance between us, but she stops me with a raised hand. I’m instantly on alert. I’ve been uneasy all morning, trying to figure out where Quinn and I stand. The fact she won’t let me near isn’t helping any of it.
“No, I know it doesn’t make sense, but it’s what I was thinking, and I needed to understand why she did what she did. So when she walked into The Diner this morning, I knew it was my chance to ask her.” She lowers her hand. “Not that any of it helped.” She shakes her head, glancing down at her feet before looking back at me.
“She didn’t give me a real reason for any of it. But then I talked to Dad when I got home, and I don’t know why I didn’t just talk to him in the first place. He’s always has a way of saying things to make me hear them. Maybe it’s that he puts me at ease. Like I know I won’t be judged for thinking or feeling the way I do, so I’m just left open to hearing him.” She lifts her shoulders in a small shrug. “I don’t know, but he gave me more insight into my mom and their relationship, and it clicked.”
“Quinn—” I get a few more steps before she stops me again.
“No, let me get this out.” She takes a deep breath. “I may have some similarities to my mother, but I’m not her.”
“Okay.” I don’t move this time.
“I love you. I want to try this thing for real. I want to wake up to you in the morning, have lunch with you in the afternoon, and dinner in the evening. I want to talk to you about the students I’m worried about and the students who make me love my job. I want to keep dancing with you and leaning on you. I don’t want to go through this life without you.”
There are tears in her eyes, and I want so badly to reach out and touch her, but she’s already stopped me so many times. “Can I touch you now?” I ask.
“Yes.” She lets out a watery laugh, and I don’t hesitate to cup her face.
“I love you too. So fucking much.” I wipe the tears falling down her cheeks. “I knew it the night of Max’s birthday party; though, I fought it for a while.” I smile ruefully.
“The idea of opening myself up to someone after everything that happened with Melissa terrified me. Looking back on it, I never felt for Melissa what I feel for you, yet I was completely willing to alter my life to fit her wants. I didn’t want to do that again. And then you come barreling into my life, making me question everything I thought I knew.” My eyes move over her face, studying every facet. “I don’t want to go through this life without you by my side, either. I want to be there with you through all the ups and downs life throws our way.”
“Can you kiss me now?” she asks a smile on her face and tears falling down her cheeks.
“Oh, I’m gonna do more than kiss you now, Bug.” I crush my lips to hers in a bruising kiss, giving her all of me.