31. Cut Here
31
CUT HERE
REMIEL
I’ve always wanted to be important, but I’ve never wanted the spotlight. With the Vile members standing spread out among the circular tiered seating, I stand in the middle of the chamber and remember.
I remember waking up after fearing for my life in the corridors of the asylum, staring at the moon through the grate in the ceiling. Playing my cello in this very spot with shame soaking my soul and devastation suffocating my mind. I remember the gate he tethered me to and the pain he inflicted with knives, hot brands, and a tattoo gun.
I remember him.
I remember him telling me I am important, that he shattered, that he can’t watch the roll of my throat when I swallow.
I look up, seeing all the coloured masks except teal. Ghost really can move without being noticed, and wherever he is, I hope he’s looking out for Krypt. The rest of the Vile Boys are watching me, ready to have my back and look out for my well-being. Because I’m one of them now. I might not be masked like the ten are, but I belong to Vile House through something that feels like family. Whether Krypt takes me back or not.
“Bestie.”
I look up at the whisper to my left. Kyd’s pink mask stares at me, hanging over the wobbly railing to get as close as he can.
“Can you put in a good word with the doc for me? I think he’s gonna be mine someday, and I wanna start out strong.”
I smile at his craziness even though every other part of me is riddled with nerves. I nod. And then Director walks in wearing a black mask with a golden face. He touches my shoulder in support when the gate I was chained to swings open and a group of people walk in.
I don’t care who they are. My eyes search for Krypt, and my fingers touch the calling card that showed up yesterday.
Remind me who I am.
I don’t know what it means, but my mind has run through three thousand possible meanings since it showed up at Vile House two days ago.
My mom is part of the group walking into the chamber. I stiffen at the sight of her, but honestly, I’m so far past caring that I shift my eyes to the other faces, looking for one. I recognize a few from Moros, some familiar to me, some not. But one is missing.
I don’t see him .
As one, the group of people come to a stop in a line. Side by side, they stare ahead without really seeing. Or maybe they do see but they’ve been commanded not to react? I have no idea, but my mom is as blank-faced as the rest of them. She doesn’t see, acknowledge, or try to help me. I’m standing right in front of her, and she doesn’t fucking care.
Should I be helping her?
“Hello, Vile House.” A tall man in a light grey suit walks through the gate. His smile is pleasant, his stubble is perfectly trimmed, and one of his eyes flutters shut. “Pleasure to finally meet you.”
No one says anything, and when I look around, I notice all the Vile Boys have turned still. Kyd is bouncing a bit, but the rest are stoic, calm, and braced for whatever comes next.
“Where is he?” I shout, unable to keep my mouth shut. “This was supposed to be a meeting in good faith.”
“Rest assured, Remi Sauder. He’s here.” Axel smiles at me, and despite how friendly it looks, it doesn’t settle me. “First, a little show and tell.” He clicks something in his hand, and then all hell breaks loose.
A gunshot echoes through the chamber, and Director grunts behind me. Before I get a chance to look at him, the group of ten fan out and more gunfire busts my ears. Axel Graves keeps his smile through it all.
Who the fuck shot the gun?
“Remi.” Director grabs my shoulder to steer me to the edge of the room. “Go. You’re not trained. We can handle—” Another bullet rips through his bicep, his blood spattering my face.
I catch him as he stumbles, hooking his arm over my shoulder and ducking for cover. The Vile Boys are spread out, picking off Axel’s group of zombies. My heart pounds and my eyes search, wondering if I’m going to find my mom’s dead body or Krypt as the one who killed her.
“I have to find him,” I tell Director, setting him to lean against the stone wall. “He’s controlled. Axel has control of his mind.”
“He’d want you to get out of here,” Director says, looking for his team. “Kyd!”
I turn in time to see Kyd launch himself over the railing. He lands with more grace than I thought him capable, his feet light. He unsheathes a dagger and whips it at Axel Graves.
But Axel is fast. He steps to the side, avoids Kyd’s grab, and gets Kyd spun around. Kyd’s back is pulled to Axel’s chest, and a sharp blade rests against Kyd’s throat.
“So fucking hot,” Kyd groans, which is when I notice he’s already embedded a dagger in Axel’s thigh, with another held to his femoral artery. “Hey, soulmate. Seems we’re at an impasse, but I’m cool to stay just like this for a bit.” He wiggles his ass back, grinding on Axel.
Axel is still fucking smiling. He looks right at me when he says, “Kill Remiel Sauder.” That thing in his hand clicks again.
Relief churns with fear when I see him. My Krypt.
Unmasked, hollow, and deadly, he prowls towards me with no chains on his monsters. They’re all set free, creating havoc in his mind and violence in his heart. He’s the most unhinged version of himself, and he’s never looked more terrifying.
I shake on the spot, caught between wanting to go to him and wanting to run away. I’ve done that already. I ran from him in this very asylum, thinking I stood a better chance of surviving it than him. I won’t make that mistake again.
Curved knives spin in his grip, and his vibrant silver eyes stay locked on me. Dressed in darkness and shrouded in his natural shadows, he takes his time getting to me. When Facts tries to intercept, he’s thrown to the side. When Seven hauls him back, he gets a slice to the cheek.
When Riot steps in front of him, Krypt growls.
“Think, you dumb bastard. Think! For your fucking self!” Riot snarls at him. “You won’t hurt Remi.”
But he will because he can’t think. He might have gotten his name for having a mind like a vault, but Axel Graves figured him out. Found a way in. Penetrated his walls and freed his demons so that rational thought means nothing and memories are warped into something that feels like numbness.
“Krypt.” Riot tries again, stepping back with every forward step his brother takes. When Krypt doesn’t slow, my heart sinks. When he looks at me like he doesn’t know me, my heart stops. When he stops twirling the knives and raises one to kill me, my heart dies. “Run, Remi!”
Remind me who I am.
I backpedal, being pulled by Ransom and Glitch. Krypt snarls at them for touching me. But I keep going.
“Get in front of me,” I tell them, an idea forming. “I need space to take my shirt off.”
“What? Why? Run, Remi!” Ransom pushes me behind him, and Glitch tries to shove me towards the exit.
A knife fight breaks out, metal clangs together, and shouting ensues. Guns clatter to the stone floor, firing bullets in wayward directions. I keep my eyes on the danger and undo my jacket, needing to get through to him.
Remind me who I am.
Krypt cuts Monster, which makes Ransom go insane. He attacks Krypt at the same time my brother drops from the platform above, landing right on Krypt’s shoulders. I rip my shirt open and toss it aside.
“Krypt! Stop!”
“Fucking stop him!”
“He’s my brother, Krypt! Don’t fucking do this! Keegan, please.”
The problem with fighting your brethren is that you don’t fight to kill. Krypt powers through them all because they’re hesitating, trying to keep him alive. He snaps and snarls and gives no fucks about how many of them he cuts and injures.
With a deep breath and a panicked mind, I shout, “Let him through!”
“Remi!”
“No!”
“Let him fucking through!”
Krypt breaks through all on his own, and I’m right here, within stabbing distance. His order is to kill me, and he plans to follow through. He’s lost one knife somewhere in the fight, but he lifts the other. He grabs me by the back of my neck, draws me forward, and gets ready to stab.
“Cut here!” I raise my wrists. “If you’re gonna kill me, you’ll have to go through your brand on my skin. Fucking cut me here, Krypt.”
Ghost gasps, seeing the full extent of my scarred body for the first time, but it works. Slightly. Krypt hesitates, almost like he glitches. His orders are strong, the pull of them fierce, but something in what he sees on my body jolts him enough to create hesitation. Everyone else crowds in at his back, ready to haul him off me if he tries again.
“Well?” I shove my wrist right in front of him. “You gonna do it? You gonna kill me? Do it. Cut here.”
It’s barely noticeable, but his hand shakes and his eyes pulse. He stares at his name on my wrist, unblinking. His eyes leak as confusion mounts. His mind is a mess, and he doesn’t know what to listen to. Axel’s order, or the physical reminder of who he is and who I am right in front of him.
I watch him, ready to die here if he chooses to end me. It’ll break my family curse, anyway, so fucking have at it, Krypt. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, and it’d be a blessing to die by your hand.
“Remi,” Ghost warns me, seeing the decision on my face. “Don’t.”
Remind me who I am.
Krypt’s watering eyes shift, taking in every tattoo, burn, and scar he’s left on my skin. When he gets to my chest, I put my hand there and look him straight in the eyes as I remind him who he is.
“We’re sicker together, remember?” My voice shivers, stuttering and betraying the absolute fear within me. It might be a blessing to die by Krypt’s hand, but now that he’s back in front of me, I’m choosing to be his, even though I’m free. I don’t want to die before I make him mine again. I tap the word burned into my skin. “We’re sicker together, Krypt.”
He blinks for the first time, and the whole chamber holds its breath. The Vile Boys are poised and ready to strike, Axel and Kyd watch with rapt interest, and Director clutches his arm and side, waiting to see what his trained soldier is going to do. I don’t know the state of the ten zombies, and maybe I don’t want to. All I care about at this moment is Krypt and whatever inner battles he’s fighting.
A sound comes out of him, something between a choke and a grunt. His hand still grips the hilt of the knife, but his knuckles are white and his wrist is shaking. His eyes stare at his name tattooed on my collarbone.
“Mine,” he says, barely audible.
“Even though you freed me, I’ll always be yours.” I lower my hands to my sides and let him make this decision. Can he fight Axel’s control, or will he kill me to follow orders? It’s up to him now.
His back straightens and his fingers dent the back of my neck, digging in so hard that pain shoots into my skull. He blinks again, keeping his eyes closed. His nostrils flare. The Vile Boys step forward…
I’ve never anticipated a moment so much in my life. Not when I took a suicide pill, and not when I almost gave up outside the door to this very chamber.
Open your eyes and see me, Krypt. Look at me as yours and remember all the ways we fester together to create something poetically eternal. See my sickness and let it match yours, and when we’re combined as one, love me as an obsession.
His eyes open. The silver sparkles at me, and beneath the surface, his monsters are back to rattling their chains. “Remiel,” he says, voice jittery and normal. “Fuck. Fuck. Remiel.” He doesn’t loosen his hand on my neck, but he pulls me tighter, dropping the knife.
I sag with assuagement and break wide open. My heart spills onto the floor and his possessive hands come around me, not to hug, but to contain.
“I’m… so...”
Sorry.
He’s never apologized to me for anything other than when I found out about Soren being a Vile member. I don’t know if I’m allowed to hug him, so I lean against him, press my cheek to the side of his head, and let it all out. All of it. The pain, the worry, the fear, and the fucking relief that he’s here, standing in front of me, breathing and alive.
“Ah! Amazing! It worked!” Axel excitedly shouts, still holding a blade to Kyd’s throat while Kyd stays cozy by trying to snuggle against his front. “Remarkable, Remi. This is the first time I’ve had absolute control of him, and I had to drug him to get it. Even through the brainwashing, the mind control, and the drug, you still broke him out of it. Absolutely remarkable.”
Nothing feels remarkable. I’m fucking angry! He’s had Krypt for two weeks, and I’ve realized how dependent I am on him. It’s pathetic, but Krypt is the driving force in my life, and I’ve never worried like I did while he was gone. As adrenaline fades, feelings flood back.
“Don’t,” Krypt whispers next to my ear. “Remiel.” He pushes me back so he can look at me. He takes his time studying everything about me, from my eyes and how tired they are to the healing my wounds have done. “Are you…”
I nod, expecting him to ask if I’m okay.
“Mine. Are you mine?”
My eyes brim with tears, and I feel stupid about it. Fuck. He’s seen and put me into so many humiliating positions that this should be nothing. But it’s not nothing. It’s the start of what we will become. It’s freedom and the choice to remain a prisoner. It’s a life meshed and a mind warped. It’s pain and comfort, depravity and sin, hopes and newfound desires. It’s nightmares that feel comfortable and curses that feel powerless.
“Remiel, are you mine?”
I grab the sides of his face, swiping my thumbs over his cheeks. He bristles at my touch but doesn’t move away. “I was yours the night I walked into Vile House. Free or not, I’m fucking yours.”
Krypt wraps his hand around my throat and squeezes hard. “Big fucking mistake, Remiel,” he says, but he looks relieved about it.