Chapter Thirty-Two #2
Dan and I look at each other, both desperate to breathe the code word, run to the car, and drive the fuck out of this haunted house nightmare. Who said there had to be ghosts involved?
As Dan and Pat leave the manor, another group amble in, presumably friends of Katherine’s. Bella has scurried off somewhere, so it’s just Katherine and me in the lavish living room.
Cabinets of fine china lay untouched, and the fireplace looks like it hasn’t created warmth in quite some time.
‘That content you did for my wine label helped a lot,’ Katherine says.
‘I know – you texted me. That’s great, glad to hear it.’ I am glad, because then I might not have to do anything like that ever again.
‘I’m going to get champagne,’ she adds.
I feel my forehead furrow. ‘You already have a champagne in your hand.’
She ignores me and asks, ‘Do you want one?’
I let a sigh free. ‘Sure. I’m not driving.’
I’m left alone in the living room, studying the antique furniture and fine china. I’ve seen the same pieces plenty of times before, but they look different to me now, as if I’m seeing them through a new lens or something.
‘So much old shit in here,’ comments Bella, who’s joined me in the only empty-bodied room in the manor right now.
‘Yeah, you’re not wrong,’ I say.
She gives me a knowing nod. ‘I’ve missed you.’
Now that we’re alone, I notice the dark circles around her eyes. ‘I’ve missed you too.’
She sighs, folding her arms together. ‘Family gatherings haven’t been the same since you stopped coming. I don’t blame you, though. Most of these people are horrible.’
I exhale my lung’s contents. ‘There sometimes comes a point in your life where you just do your own thing, surrounded by people who actually appreciate you.’
‘Can I have your number so I can talk to you?’ she asks.
‘I tried to get it off Karen – I mean Mum – but she said no. She doesn’t get it – you’re like, the only person who gets me in this family, ever since I can remember.
And…it’s only been since you stopped coming that I realised how much of a fucking alien I feel like at these things. ’
A deep sense of guilt passes through me. In my cutting ties, I had unintentionally forgotten about the one person who made these occasions bearable.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, moving closer to her. ‘Of course, I’d love to chat.’
She pulls out her phone, into which I save my number for her.
‘So I’m pretty sure I’m lesbian or bi, I’m not entirely sure yet,’ she then says, which catches me off guard.
‘Oh, really?’
‘Yeah. I’ve been hanging with a girl from school a lot, and … we’re kind of dating.’
‘Holy shit. Bella! That’s cute. ’
She cocks her head. ‘Is it, though? You know how this family thinks about people like us…’
I pull her in for a long hug. ‘C’mere.’
After letting go, I rest my hands on her shoulders. ‘Bella, there will come a time when you can be yourself. Your real self. Trust me, it will come.’
Footsteps at the living room entrance have us spinning around.
Footsteps belonging to Dan. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,’ he says, a blush spreading to his ears.
Man, he’s adorable.
*
‘There’s something about this house,’ Karen announces over the long lunch table filled with roast meats, vegetables, and fancy salads. ‘Pat and I will never move. It just has the most blessed of memories.’
‘I love that it’s stayed in our family for generations, too,’ Aunt Janet agrees, lifting her glass of champagne. ‘The White Manor, a Jeffries gathering place.’
‘Amen,’ Pat adds, flicking forward his bottle of beer.
A few more ‘amens’ chorus around the table like dominoes. While they’re tumbling, Bella and I swap glances from five seats down. She rolls her eyes.
‘So, Ally and Ken just got married and are enjoying their newly wed life together,’ Karen boasts. ‘They’re currently travelling around Europe on their belated honeymoon.’
Ally and Ken are my cousins, and I did not attend their wedding back in April. I do like Ally and Ken – they’re not as bad as Karen or Katherine. But I was a mess that week, so I told them I was sick.
‘Who’s next to walk down the White Manor aisle?’ Katherine cuts in, her words slurred from the champagne.
‘I mean, if we’re talking about age,’ Janet shrugs, ‘Ally’s twenty-six, so next would be ah…’ Her eyes divert to me. ‘Kallen.’
‘Or it could be my Fran,’ Karen interjects.
‘But she’s twenty-three, Karen. Kallen here is twenty-seven.’
‘Yes, but Kallen’s… gay .’
‘The gays can get married now,’ Katherine interrupts. ‘Actually, they have been allowed since 2017.’
‘Yeah, but, is this something we want to support?’ Karen suggests.
And if one sentence were to sum up the reason I’ve mostly disowned my family, this is it.
‘I’ve heard of plenty of instances where homosexuals jump right out of their phase and marry a woman.
I saw a movie about it with James Franco in it. ’
Dan’s eyes are like knives on Karen. I hear his breathing deepen, placing a hand on his leg in response. He flinches.
‘Oh, Karen, I’m not sure if it works like that,’ Janet disagrees.
Dan’s fists scrunch up on the table.
‘Well, it’s the way I like to think it might work.’ Karen cocks her head and swigs the rest of her champagne glass. ‘Positivity is key, and—’
‘Okay, enough!’ Dan slams his fist down on the white wood.
All thirty people at the table go silent, gazes drifting in Dan’s direction. My stomac h plummets into the depths of speechless territory. Turns out my hand on his leg isn’t providing the calming effect needed to tame the beast within Dan’s enraged eyes.
‘What is wrong with you?’ Dan asks Karen, his voice lowered but still as direct.
Needless to say, a great question, one I’d love to answer. But my immediate reaction is to mumble, ‘Dan, stop.’
He doesn’t. ‘Kallen here is one of the smartest, most caring people I know, and you just talk about him like he’s not worth it. Why can’t you just let people live how they want to live?’
My eyes begin to burn. ‘Dan, please stop.’
‘You’ve overstepped the line, buddy,’ Pat pipes up, pointing a finger at Dan from across the table.
‘Yeah, I think you should go,’ Karen growls through gritted teeth. ‘How dare you.’
Dan turns to me and simply says, ‘Blue.’ But I’m frozen, sweat forming on my forehead. ‘Blue,’ he repeats himself, a hint of desperation in his voice. ‘C’mon, let’s go.’
I can’t. I just can’t. With all these faces on me, all that comes is, ‘Just go.’
Dan’s mouth falls open, his face deflating. ‘You’re seriously going to keep putting up with this?’
‘Dan, just go,’ I say, tiredness hitting me with the same sudden shock as my urge to cry. ‘I’ll find my own way home.’
Disappointment plasters itself over Dan as he shakes his head.
‘Please, Dan,’ I say again. ‘You need to go.’
‘I’ll drive you back to Brisbane, Kallen,’ Aunt Janet chimes in. ‘I need to go there tomorrow.’
Dan throws his napkin onto the table, his forehead creasing. ‘ Fine .’
And then he gets up and leaves, marching away from the party without another word. Fuck. Why am I not going with him? We even had a code word, one I didn’t have the balls to use. Why, why, WHY? He’s meant to be the one keeping me company through the pain of this company.
Now he’s out of sight. The one guy I can actually see a future with. The one who just stood up for me in a way no one else has ever before. The one who I already miss now that he’s not by my side.
I defeatedly scan the table, to people who have caused me rivulets of pain over the years. Who have indicated that I’m unlovable on so many levels.
There has to come a point where I choose happiness.
‘Kallen.’
I snap out of my daze, Karen’s narrowed eyes attempting to suck the small amount of life I have left in me.
‘Please don’t bring any of your rude writer friends or coworkers to our family gatherings again, you hear me?’ Karen orders. ‘In fact, I think this is a sign you shouldn’t bring anyone to our family events. These people you’re acquainted with in the city aren’t aligned with us.’
Aunt Janet nods complacently, followed by Pat and a few others. Most wear shocked looks on their faces – even Katherine.
I take a deep breath .
The time has come, and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but my will to keep it in any longer has depleted to zero. ‘You know what, Karen?’ I say, standing from the table. ‘You can go fuck yourself. I’ve had enough. Had enough of being this family’s punching bag just because I’m different.’
All of them – Karen, Katherine, Pat, and Janet – are struck with shock.
‘And yeah, I might be a coward for waiting until someone like Dan, who’s one of the nicest people ever, and who’s been here for under an hour, to call you out on your problematic shit.
But, better late than never, I guess. I’ve tried to tell you more about me since I came out, but you’ve never wanted to listen.
So yeah, I’m done. This’ll be the last time I set foot in this house until you change your hateful ideas and decide to give a crap about me.
Farewell.’ My voice trembles, but I feel powerful.
‘Well,’ is all Karen has to say, her unimpressed brows raised.
Katherine calls after me, but I’m already striding over to Bella. I hug her and say, ‘Come visit me in Brisbane when you can.’
She smiles and I run out of there, hoping Dan hasn’t left already.
As I jog to the front of the manor, Dan’s pulling out of the lot.
My instant reaction is to step in front of his car, stop him from driving away. To throw myself into the Jimny, grab him by the cheeks, and kiss him harder than I ever have.
But my body freezes as his car rushes past the manor.
Maybe my family will come outside soon and apologise.
I watch as Dan accelerates out of the driveway onto the street. I watch as he becomes smaller with each second passed.
And just like that, he’s gone.
His absence pushes against my chest like a king tide.
A heavy lump forms in my throat, and my eyes start to sting.
Then the tears come.
And I tremble at the door, knowing in my heart that nobody is coming.