39. Allie
ALLIE
My first contraction comes four hours after my water breaks.
After we arrived at the birthing center, I was checked in and evaluated.
They advised admission to the facility rather than going back home to wait for contractions to begin since my blood pressure had been elevated—likely due to the shock and stress—and because I’m still three weeks from my due date.
I’ve been on a low dosage of a hypertension medication since my fainting spell months ago, but my blood pressure stayed in a normal range until today. The nurses weren’t overly concerned, but thought it best to stay at the facility.
My room is on the second floor, with paneled windows on one wall offering a view of the mountains to the east, though it’s dark now.
There is a bed at the center and a bathtub across from it.
A rocking chair sits in the corner beside the bed, with a bathroom on its other side.
Even a small seating and dining area near the door.
For a moment, I got a little excited. We settled in, with Willow and Darby arriving not long after with my things.
I changed into a comfier pair of clothes, and we plugged in a candle wax melter with my favorite scent.
Archer called when he arrived at the airport, and we spoke for about a half hour before he had to go through security and find his gate.
Dahlia came in after that with a smoothie for me, and I settled into bed as Willow and I began watching reruns of Real Housewives on my laptop.
My anxiety had me uneasy, but I tried to stay calm—until the first contraction hit me, and the long, excruciating labor process began.
Contractions are bullshit, honestly. They started out a dull ache, somewhat like a period cramp, but as the hours pass at a dragging pace, they only get worse.
Like a charley horse in my goddamn uterus.
Eventually I resort to pacing the birthing suite, bouncing on a ball as I’m given breathing exercises that only serve to irritate me, or bending over the bed as Willow massages my back.
“I guess I get to resume my duties as daddy stand-in.” She laughs, rocking my hips side-to-side, the way the nurse showed her.
My emotions are so fucking heightened, brain so foggy, I begin crying.
“Oh, Allie. Is it that bad?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I just wish you were Archer.”
“I know,” she whispers. “He’s on his way. I promise.”
“Where is he?” I ask, gritting my teeth as another contraction hits.
It’s only been four minutes since my last one.
“They’re on the plane,” Willow says softly. “He’s coming.”
“I’ve been in this goddamn fucking room for ten hours,” I growl, watching the budding sunlight erupt over the mountains outside the window. “How is he still in the air?”
“Their flight was delayed, my girl,” Dahlia says from across the room. “They’re having to land in Los Angeles. August and Elena will pick them up and bring him straight here. They’re doing everything they can.”
“What you need to do…” my mom says, stepping up to the other side of the bed and reaching across to hold my face in her hands, “is focus on keeping yourself calm. Baby girl can feel your stress, and we want her to enter the world as peacefully as possible.”
I blow out a shaky exhale, nodding.
“Speaking of baby girl,” Darby says, no doubt trying to calm my tension, “have you decided on a name?”
“Yes,” I hiss, standing upright as my contraction passes. “But we want to wait until we see her face to decide for sure. So, we’re not telling anyone until then, either.”
A knock sounds outside the door to the suite, and for a moment I think it’s my dad, but when I turn around, I find Nurse Kelly stepping inside.
My dad has been finding every excuse he can to leave the room.
Not because he doesn’t want to be around me, but because I know seeing me in pain is hard on him—especially when he can’t do anything about it.
So, he does everything he can do instead.
Move the car. Install the baby seat. Hit the vending machine. Call Everett for the thousandth time to get an update.
“Hi, Allie.” Nurse Kelly smiles. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit.”
She laughs under her breath as she steps up to me. “I’d like to check your dilation. Are you ready for that right now?”
I nod, climbing onto the bed.
My midwife, Claire, will be here soon—and Dr. Abbey is on call should any emergency arrive—but for the time being, I’ve been taken care of by the birthing center’s nursing staff. They’ve been kind and patient, giving me plenty of privacy and checking in just as often as they need to.
Nurse Kelly helps me get my feet in the stirrups, and checks the band around my stomach that’s been tracking my contractions.
Willow sits beside me on the bed as she begins the exam. “Are the contractions getting more painful?”
I nod.
“Looks like they’re closer together too.”
“The last one was just a couple of minutes apart,” Willow adds.
Nurse Kelly nods from between my legs as she slips on a pair of gloves.
She completes the exam before rolling back on her stool and taking me out of the stirrups.
“You’re about six centimeters dilated now, and fully effaced, so if you’d like, we can put you in the bath.
It’ll help with the pain management as your contractions get closer together.
I’m going to give Claire a call and let her know, though she should be here soon. ”
As if at her command, that radiating pain pulses in my back again.
“Yeah.” I grit my teeth, nodding. “That sounds like a good idea.”
After the contraction passes, Nurse Kelly and Willow help me out of bed as Darby and Dahlia get out of their seats and give me a hug. “We’ll give you some privacy and check in later,” Dahlia whispers.
“Do you want me to stay, or do you just want your mom?” Willow asks.
“Willow, remember when you iced my asshole after Archer and I did anal for the first time?” I ask, groaning as I lift off the bed. “You’re going to help me into my birthing tub too.”
I hear the audible groan of both my and Archer’s mothers.
“You are so vulgar.” Willow snorts, gaze darting to Nurse Kelly.
She laughs, winking at me. “Don’t worry. We’re about to become quite familiar with each other. You’re safe here.”
“Well,” Mom mutters, “boundaries would be nice.”
“Wasn’t born with them.” I shrug as I’m led to the tub where my mom already has the water running, testing the temperature to ensure it’s not too hot.
The bath helped a little, but as the hours pass, my contractions get closer together—stronger and more painful. Dread is the most all-consuming feeling I have, though. The more dilated I become without seeing Archer walk through that door, the more afraid I get that he won’t make it at all.
I don’t want to do this without him.
“You have to try to relax, baby,” my mom says, holding my hands as I pant through the pain. “The stress is making it worse. Archer will be here soon. Everett called dad a few minutes ago. They’ve landed and are on their way.”
I take a swift inhale before blowing out a long, purposeful breath.
He’s here. Back in California. On his way to me now. But the drive from Los Angeles is at least two hours, so he’s still not close enough.
Another contraction radiates from my back, biting at my nerves and seizing my muscles. I squeeze Mom’s hand, clenching my jaw as I fight through it.
“Fucking fuck,” I moan. “Bitch!”
“Breathe through it,” my mom whispers. “You got this.”
“This sucks dick.” I grit my teeth. “Actually, I lied. I kind of like giving blow jobs. This is much worse. I made a mistake. I need an epidural.”
“It’s okay, Allie Bee.” My mom laughs softly, pressing the pager beside my bed. “That was only a minute apart. I’m going to ping Claire.”
My head falls back against the pillows, taking a moment of reprieve. The door opens not even a minute later as Claire flutters in, taking a seat in her stool and rolling to the foot of my bed. “All right, Allie. I think we’re getting close now.”
She’s been in and out, checking on me frequently, but giving us privacy and space as well.
Willow is curled up on the couch, finally getting some rest, Dahlia went to get coffee for everyone, and my dad stepped into the lobby to make some work calls to inform his colleagues he’ll be out of the office for a while.
Darby went home to get some rest, and to be around when Leo, Weston, and Liv return.
They caught the first flight out of Vancouver after the competition ended.
Carter and Penelope went home to get some sleep and plan to drive down after she’s here.
After she’s here.
I’m still having trouble processing the fact that the next time I go to sleep, I’ll have a daughter. She’ll be born, I’ll be on the other side of this pain, but my life will be forever changed.
I just want Archer with me.
It feels like I’m waiting. Perpetually fucking waiting.
Waiting for the pain to pass. Waiting for Archer to arrive. Waiting for our daughter to emerge.
I’m too impatient for this kind of experience, I think.
“Are you feeling like you want to push?” Claire asks. “You’re fully dilated, but we want to wait until your body is ready to go.”
“I… I don’t know?” I breathe. “When I’m contracting, I just feel the urge to tense. To bear down and make it pass.”
“Okay. We’re almost there,” she says. “She’s moving down. It’s almost time.”
“No.” I shake my head rapidly, my legs instinctively trying to snap together and push her away. “I have to wait until Archer gets here.”
Claire’s eyes flit to my mom, before slowly returning to me.
She places a hand on my knee, smiling softly.
“I know, Allie. I know you want him here, and I know he’s doing everything possible to be here as soon as he can, but it’s important when your body tells you it’s time to push, you push.
Being stubborn right now isn’t good for you and isn’t good for the baby. ”
“I’m here. Willow’s here.” My mom nods toward the couch. My distress must’ve been loud enough to wake her, because she’s beginning to stir. “Dad is just outside. Claire and the nurses are going to take care of you.”
I shake my head, hissing as another contraction begins to crest. It’s more intense this time—more urgent. My body bearing down in a different way, the need to not just tense but to release at the same time.
“Allie,” Claire warns. “It’s time.”
“No.” My breath comes in rapid bursts as emotion strains my eyes and my heart drums in a wild rhythm. “I’m not ready.” But I can’t fight it. “I can’t.” It’s too intense. “I don’t want to do it alone.”
“We’re here,” Willow whispers. “You’re not alone.”
“It was just supposed to be Archer and me.” Hot tears cascade over my cheeks and drip off my chin. “I can’t do it without him. I won’t.”
“Baby,” Mom whispers, brushing my hair out of my face. “You have to. You have to. It’s going to be okay, I promise, but when the next contraction comes, you have to push.”
I shake my head, jaw clenched, teeth gritted hard enough they could crack, every muscle in my body straining, every limb trembling. Black lines my vision, mind hazing as I fight through the building pain.
“Allie…” Claire urges.
The sound of a door flying open and hitting a wall clatters through the room, and I think I’ve gone delirious.
Though, clarity filters through me at the unmistakable, deep velvet of his voice. “I’m here. I’m here.”