Chapter 10 Kiera
Kiera
My heart tripped over itself. My lips parted, but no sound came out.
Aiden frowned, as if surprised he’d done such a thing, and released my hand.
We couldn’t keep doing this. Hating each other one minute, sharing kisses and painful memories the next.
“I am truly sorry,” he said in that deep voice that reminded me of his singing. “I wish I could’ve saved her.”
I peered into his deep green eyes and saw only sincerity. It shook the shields around my heart like a battering ram.
Why didn’t you save her then? What really happened that night? What were her last words? Did she regret what she’d done? Did she want us to know the truth? Why, why, did she do it?
The questions piled up at the tip of my tongue, but my voice refused to release them.
Aiden shook his head at me. “Is it truly easier to hate me than to ask me for the truth? Because it’s there, waiting for you to want it. I wish it were the same for the truth I seek.”
The walls around my heart shuddered again. But I ordered them to hold. I couldn’t do this again. The last time I’d tried to tell the truth, my whole world had crumbled around me.
He might paint a portrait of my mother that I could never unsee. And that was if I trusted him to tell me everything accurately.
One breath, two breaths, three.
My walls held. My heart was safe. It would be even safer tomorrow when I left.
I took a step back. “It doesn’t matter,” I said in a hollow voice. “We will probably never see each other again. Nothing we say can save a trust so broken.”
A myriad of emotions burned through Aiden’s gaze. For a moment, I thought he might reach for me. For a moment, I wanted him to. In the space between one breath and the next, I wanted him to fight for me, to never let me go, to tell me we’d find a way back to where we’d been.
But that would’ve been a lie as well.
He opened his mouth to say something when a shout rose from the village. A horn blew, dogs barked, and people ran toward the sound from all directions.
Aiden followed at a sprint, with me on his heels.
Were we being attacked? Had Renwell found us?
My breath grew sharp in my lungs.
Chaos reigned in the village until a bellow from Jek silenced everyone.
Standing in the middle of the crowd, Frieda cleared her throat and announced, “A fisherman spotted a large Rellmiran ship sailing north a few hours ago.” Her gaze narrowed in on me and Aiden. “A heavily armed ship with catapults.”
My heart sank to my toes as Aiden swore between his teeth.
At least one ship from Calimber must have been seaworthy to follow us so quickly. But they weren’t coming for us.
“They must be headed to Arduen’s Mountain,” Jek proclaimed. “We need to get there first!”
A chorus of shouted agreement rose. The Yargoth warriors lifted their axes and bows and spears in the air, shaking them and yelling.
My chest heaved, trying to find enough breath. They were racing into a battle they couldn’t win. Even if they arrived at the mountain first, they couldn’t defeat one of those ships.
Barrels of fire and Bardo’s limp body flashed through my mind.
More people would die. Would there be any Yargoths left after this?
Frieda seemed to share my grim thoughts, her wrinkled face stern and devoid of its usual brightness. She held up her arms for quiet.
Everyone hushed.
“We will send every able warrior to assist the Urzost Clan in defending our sacred mountain. Any warrior too injured to lift an axe will remain here.”
Every warrior? I immediately glanced at Aiden, whose jaw was set. Fear oozed into my veins. He was leaving with them. Of course, he was going to fight.
I turned away.
I didn’t care. He seemed to love a plan with a high risk of his death. Why should I try to stop him anymore? I wouldn’t let him hold me back, either.
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I tried chanting the mantra that I’d been repeating over the last few days. But it rang false in my head.
“I can lift a bloody axe!” I heard Yarina shout from a distance. “I can best both of you with one arm, and you know it!”
I craned my head until I saw her facing off with Sigrid. Maz stood between them, his arms folded across his chest. He met my gaze with one of fierce determination. He was going, too.
I bit my lip. Gods damn it. I was going to lose them all.
Jek shouted orders, and the chaos shifted into well-practiced movements.
Something brushed the back of my hand. I glanced down to see Aiden’s hand retreating.
“May the gods go with you,” he said softly. “If anyone can rescue Everett and Delysia, it’s you.”
I blinked up at him. The finality in his eyes stole my voice.
“Goodbye . . . Kiera.” Then he was gone. Swallowed up by the other warriors preparing to depart.
My hands curled into fists, my dirty fingernails biting into my palms. I wanted to scream, to cry, to order them all to stay. But I couldn’t. These weren’t my people. They would never listen to me.
That feeling of powerlessness swept over me again, like shards of glass tearing through my skin.
My vision blurred as I watched Maz and Yarina strap axes, scythes, and huge knives to their bodies.
Maz took a step toward me, his blue eyes tight. But I couldn’t handle another goodbye. I made a strangled noise and bolted.
I was supposed to have time. Just one more day. It seemed so little, but in the face of forever, that day was suddenly invaluable.
I’d just made it to the treeline when I heard hoofbeats behind me.
“Kiera Torvaine!” someone shouted.
Shock at hearing my full name slowed my escape. I dashed the tears from my eyes before I whipped around. Nikella galloped up to me on a gray horse, her staff in one hand.
“Enough running,” she said sharply, jerking her horse to a snorting halt.
My jaw slackened. I expected a stoic goodbye or possibly even the map she owed me, not a rebuke. My mouth snapped shut.
“I’m not running,” I ground out. “I’m still going back home to rescue my siblings, as I said before.”
Nikella looked every inch the warrior Teacher as she stared down at me.
“You are running. You know as well as I that Renwell won’t harm your brother and sister if they are still pieces he can play.
And right now, they are serving as bait to draw you back to him. Don’t give him what he wants, Kiera.”
I growled in frustration. Fucking Four, how did she do that? Take the fears that had been lurking in my mind and spin them with logic. Draining me of the last hope I had.
The horn sounded again, and I glimpsed warriors on horseback heading north—a familiar rider on a wild black horse in their midst.
“What would you have me do?” I snapped at Nikella, tearing my gaze away. “Stay here? Either way, Renwell wins.”
Her horse pranced sideways, shaking his head as if he knew they were supposed to be galloping with the others.
“Fight with us,” Nikella said. As if it were that simple.
My eyebrows arched in disbelief. “Fight with you?” I snorted. “No one wants me to fight with them. I’m a traitor, remember?”
“You’ve made mistakes. You chose honor when you admitted them. It’s time to move on.”
“To what?” Desperation edged into my voice. “A war we can’t win? You saw those ships. What can a few dozen warriors do against catapults?”
Nikella nodded. “There’s a chance we might not win.” Her dark eyes softened. “But that doesn’t mean the battle shouldn’t still be fought. Sometimes the victory is in the fight itself, regardless of the outcome. Giving up guarantees defeat.”
Her words singed my soul like sparks of truth. I wanted to keep fighting. I wanted to win. I wanted to defeat Renwell and make my mother proud. I wanted to keep my friends safe.
“But I’d be giving up on Everett and Delysia,” I rasped.
“We will find a way to them, Kiera. But right now, there are other brothers and sisters who will be fighting for their lives and the lives of their families. Their homes. Their sacred mountain.” She sighed, her head bowed.
“I learned a long time ago that my place is between monsters and the souls they try to steal.” She offered me a scarred hand.
“I think your heart is also already in that fight. You just need to follow it.”
Hope and fear clashed like thunder in my chest, shaking my body. Those sparks ignited and burned. My heart beat faster as if I were back on the Temple roof, reaching for one of the bells suspended between earth and sky.
Because yes, yes, this was what I always wanted. To fight the monsters who preyed on others. To render justice where it was due.
I wasn’t the High Enforcer. I was hardly even a warrior. But I was a gods-damned fighter.
I took a deep breath and grasped Nikella’s hand.