Chapter 24
Kiera
“One day, I would tell her son and her daughters that she loved them to the very end,” Aiden finished his story, his voice raw.
Tears poured down my cheeks and splashed against my hands. The pain was nearly unbearable. It tore through my body over and over.
Gods, the terror Mother must have felt. The horror she had to face.
I let out a quiet sob.
I didn’t know how long I sat there on Aiden’s bed, mired in pain so deep, I couldn’t move. But slowly, the icy waves slowed, and I could look at Aiden.
His eyes were red, and a tear clung to his lower lashes.
I finally understood. I knew Mother had already been fighting her own quiet battles before Aiden arrived. I understood her reasoning for why she didn’t run.
“That bitch should’ve died on the executioner stand like the gods-damned traitor she was!”
“She was right,” I said hoarsely. “My father would’ve killed her. Or used us against her. He made her watch when he ordered Korvin to whip me. I was the daughter she was talking about.”
Aiden nodded slowly. “I thought your scars were because of a misdeed you committed as a palace guard.”
I curled my hands into fists. “No, it was because he caught me sneaking out of the palace. I didn’t know he threatened her because of it.”
“She eventually realized the only way to keep herself and her children safe was to get rid of Weylin. Then, when our plan failed, she did the last thing she could to protect you.”
I stared into Aiden’s haunted eyes and tried to find my rage or my hatred. But they were gone. Instead, my heart echoed the guilt and pain he’d felt for the same two years.
He’d stayed and tried to kill Father and make Everett king, like Mother wanted. But I’d gotten in his way.
“You said you decided not to kill my father at the last moment because of me,” I said. “But Mother wanted him dead.”
“I would’ve taken him prisoner and let Everett decide what to do with him,” Aiden said in response to my unspoken question. “That way I could’ve honored my word, in part, to her, but also the promise I made to protect you. Even from myself.”
I remembered how he’d held his sword to my neck, pretending that he would kill me, but Renwell had seen through it before I did.
“Ah, you’ve fallen for my little spy as well, Falcryn. You won’t kill her.”
“No, I won’t.”
But was it because he felt he had a duty to my mother or because he’d fallen for me, as Renwell suspected? He might’ve had feelings for me before he found out who I was. But my betrayal had thoroughly doused them.
A realization that hurt worse now that the truth had peeled away the layers of anger hiding it.
Still, he’d kept me safe even after he discovered my lies. He’d also honored Mother’s last words.
I carefully took Aiden’s hands in mine, trying not to think of them shoving a knife into Mother’s heart. I knew why, now, but the image lingered like a festering sore.
“I said I would never forgive you, and I never will,” I said.
He flinched and tried to escape my grasp, but I held firm.
“Because there’s nothing to forgive, Aiden Falcryn.
You saved my mother from terrible pain and an even worse death.
” I remembered Yarina’s words about Davka.
“I’m . . . I’m grateful you were with her in the end. ”
Aiden gripped my hands tighter and slowly drew me closer to him. He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. “I never thought it possible that a few words could pierce the darkness in my soul. But you, Kiera, have always been a light worth fighting for.”
Tears burned in my eyes once more.
I’d never realized what a difference that could make—having someone believe in me, despite the mistakes I’d made.
Mother hadn’t just died a senseless death. She hadn’t just been pruned out of my life like a dead branch, no longer worth keeping alive.
I’d thought Aiden had persuaded her to enact his plans, that she’d been a tool of his revenge. But she’d known the risks. She’d chosen to confront the danger again and again.
A warrior in silk, Maz had called her.
I dishonored her by thinking anything less.
Mother had fought for me. For Everett and Delysia. And gods help me, I was going to make sure they knew that someday.
Aiden’s breath feathered against my lips. He still held me as if he never wanted to let go. “Kiera, I—”
The fur curtain bowed inward, and Maz burst inside. His eyes widened at the sight of us. “Oh, shit, sorry, wrong lodge!” He fumbled his way back outside.
“Idiot,” Aiden grumbled.
I drew away from him with a little laugh, rubbing my gritty eyes. Truthfully, I was thankful for the interruption. Whatever Aiden had been about to say, I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready for much of anything after such an emotionally exhausting evening.
I glanced at Ruru, who hadn’t so much as twitched in his deep sleep. “What are we going to do with him? We can’t send him back to Aquinon. I doubt he’d stay here while we go to Calimber.”
Aiden frowned. “You still want to go?”
I hopped to my feet and paced the small room, trying to relieve my tight muscles. “Of course. Especially knowing it’s what my mother would’ve wanted.” I pulled her sunstone knife from my belt and examined its glittering black ridges in the low lamplight.
My gaze flicked to Aiden, who was staring at the knife warily. I sheathed it again.
“I know you want to find the forge and the ships,” I said. “But I also want to free every single prisoner and crush that mine into rock and stardust.”
Aiden’s green eyes warmed, and a smile curved through his dark beard. “Now, that is the best idea I’ve heard in years.”
After a surprisingly dreamless sleep, Nikella woke me for training.
My eyes still burned after all the crying. I drained several cups of water and shoved some dried deer meat into my mouth before running after Nikella.
The sun had crested over the wet trees, their needles glistening with frost like crystals. Several older children tended the horses in their paddock.
Nikella faced me in the middle of the damp meadow, her expression impassive. She didn’t mention my appearance or the events of last night. But her jaw was tight. Probably because of what Ruru said about Renwell arresting Librius.
After an hour of making me stretch my muscles and run circles around the busy clearing, she handed me a wooden staff, similar in length to her steel spear.
I lifted my eyebrows. “I thought you wanted to teach me physical combat.”
“Not today.”
She whipped her double-ended spear in a set of dizzying movements. The metal whistled in the cold air. She ended with a lunging strike that would’ve impaled three men.
Fucking Four, who was she imagining on the other end of her spear?
“That’s what you’re aiming for,” she said, barely out of breath. “Here’s where you start.”
She slowed the movements down and led me through each one at a snail’s pace.
I’d nearly memorized the pattern when a happy shout reached us.
I smiled as Ruru jogged over to us, looking much better than he had last night.
“Aiden said you were out here.” His eyes widened, and he pointed at my shoulders. “Did you know you’re steaming like a cooked fish?”
I shrugged, feeling the layer of sweat under my long-sleeved shirt. “Keeps me warm.”
Ruru grinned. “Can I join you?” He looked at Nikella for approval.
She jerked her chin toward camp. “Get a staff from Frieda.”
Ruru raced off, then joined us again, carrying a staff like mine. Nikella led him through the same movements while I practiced nearby.
We didn’t speak much, but gods, it felt good to be with Ruru again. After the emotional turmoil of last night, his sweet, uncomplicated friendship was what I needed.
After my arms began to feel like warm dough, Nikella declared that was enough for today.
She strode off without another word, her spear gleaming like a streak of lightning.
I collapsed into the wet grass, not caring if the bits of snow still clinging to the blades soaked through my pants.
Ruru dropped next to me with a huff. “Fucking Four, I always wanted to train to be a warrior, but that’s brutal.”
I laughed. “Now you just need to do it a thousand more times, and you’ll be a true warrior.”
“We both will,” he declared. “Although, I guess you had years of training before this.”
I ducked my head, staring at my scarred hands. Renwell’s voice rattled around in the back of my mind, taunting me, insulting me, telling me not to be weak.
“I had some training, yes,” I said quietly. “But not the kind I’d want to continue.”
Ruru nodded, then elbowed me in the side. “Think you could keep teaching me how to throw knives? I was getting pretty good before . . . before everything happened.”
I smiled weakly at him. “Sure. I just got some new ones we could trade off practicing with.”
“What happened to your old ones?”
I told him of Father’s death and Renwell’s betrayal.
Ruru scowled. “I’m glad you scarred up his face. Maybe he’ll think twice before trying to hurt you again.”
I gestured at my cheek wryly. “A little late for that.”
“You fought him again? Where? This battle at the mountain no one wants to talk about?”
With a sigh, I told him about that battle as well. “That’s how I got my new knives,” I finished. “And a horse that I can barely ride. Him.” I pointed at Ozlow rubbing his shaggy coat against a fence post.
“He looks like a good horse. I bought mine off a Pravaran farmer who came to Aquinon and couldn’t afford to keep him anymore.”
I propped my chin on my hand. “Your turn to tell a story. How in the deep, dark, wandering hell did you get out of there?”
“You remember Sophie? Well, she does laundry for a family whose son is a courier. He delivers mail all over Rellmira. I paid him with some of your gold to take his place on his next job. I hid the whistler and Melaena’s letters in the lining of my bags, so when the guards at the main gate stopped me, all they found were the identification papers of the other boy and his legitimate letters. ”
“Holy Four, who’s the spy now?” I teased him, tossing a bit of snow at him.
He shook the snow out of his hair, his cheeks red. “Yeah, well, not everyone bought it.”
I frowned.
“Everything was going fine for a while,” he continued. “I headed north, trying to steer clear of Calimber and offering to do odd jobs, like round up a stray cow, for the Winspere ranchers in exchange for food. But eventually that food ran out, and the only people I met were border patrols.”
I grimaced. “One of them figured out you were lying?”
Ruru nodded, his face tight. “The first just sort of shrugged me off after looking in my bags. The second took the rest of the coins I’d been saving to buy more food.
The third . . . the third patrol was ruthless.
They stopped me and dug through my bags, trampling over the mail I meant to leave at a courier post on the border.
They strapped me and my bags to my horse’s back and whipped him, so he’d run in circles while they shot arrows at us. ‘Target practice,’ they said.”
My blood roared in my ears at the shameful look on Ruru’s face.
I’d told Nikella I didn’t want to kill Rellmirans, but if we ran into that border patrol, I had a knife for each of those gods-damned cowards.
“How did you get away?” I ground out.
“My horse,” Ruru said with a sad smile. “He kicked one of them in the face and bolted. They chased us for a while, then gave up. I took Maz’s whistler out of its hiding spot in case they came back, but they didn’t. I also took off my messenger’s outfit, so I wouldn’t get recognized.
“I must’ve wandered into Dagriel eventually, because I kept going north until I saw mountains.
Some days, I just seemed to go in circles in the woods, especially when clouds and trees hid the sun.
I thought I’d be lost forever. That’s when I took out Melaena’s letters and tried to read them, hoping to feel less alone. But I couldn’t make sense of them.”
I stilled. “Did one of them have the People’s Council seal on it?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
I bit my lip, remembering my first mission and my desperate flight with Garyth’s wife and daughter. Melaena must’ve wanted Aiden to have the letters Garyth had been desperate to hide. Thank the Four that Helene, Isabel, and the letters were far out of Renwell’s grasp now.
“I saw them once,” I said vaguely.
Ruru shrugged. “Aiden left them in my bag, so I tucked them into his. He must’ve forgotten.”
Probably because he was too distracted by the pain I forced him to dig up. “I know he’s grateful you found us, Ruru. We all are.”
He nudged me with his shoulder. “I found more than I hoped for.”
“You certainly do have a knack for that.”
He grinned. “As do you, it seems. I’m surprised to find you getting along so well with the warriors you betrayed, the Teacher who shot you in the neck with a dart, and the man who . . . who, you know,” he finished awkwardly.
I grimaced. At least he hadn’t heard us talking near him last night while he slept. But all of it put together made my situation sound implausible and ridiculous. None of us should work well together, and yet . . .
“I suppose fighting a common enemy makes for a quick friendship,” I said.
“Is that why you’re training so hard? For another battle?”
I nodded. “Of a sort. We’re leaving for Calimber soon. We’re going to spy on it, then hopefully destroy it. You can—”
“I’m coming with,” he said firmly.
“Ruru—”
“No. I can rest, eat, and train on the way, same as you. I go where my friends go.”
I gripped his shoulder, hoping to all four gods that being my friend didn’t kill him. “Then we’d be honored to have you, Ruru.”