Chapter 26 #2
I shifted uncomfortably in my saddle. “I was still so angry, so hurt . . . I don’t think I would’ve listened then.”
Maz grunted.
“I didn’t answer you on the ship, but I want you to know I don’t blame you for not being there that night. They would’ve killed you, like they did that poor boy.”
“Perhaps.” Maz dipped his head. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”
I studied him closely. He didn’t seem to carry guilt the way Aiden and I did. I doubted it was because he didn’t mourn the deaths of my mother and the boy. Maz just seemed to understand his heart better than most.
He met my stare with a lifted eyebrow. “Speak your mind, lovely.”
“What was Aiden like? After?” I blurted out. “I don’t want you to betray his trust or anything, but—”
Maz reached over and laid a heavy hand on my arm, cutting me off.
“He was devastated, Kiera. I’ve never seen him like that before or since.
When I met him in the mine, he was bitter, angry, calculating.
But after your mother . . . he was lost. After we brought the stable boy’s body to the pyrist, Aiden withdrew into such a dark place that I worried I’d lose him.
I sent a message to Nikella, and she came to stay with us for a while.
Eventually, Aiden hammered that darkness into determination. Undeterred, until he met you.”
I nodded slowly, my chest too tight, my heart too pained.
It was as I’d thought. I hadn’t doubted Aiden’s sincerity. But hearing that he’d suffered as I did in the aftermath of Mother’s death soothed more of the hurt that sprang up like a cantankerous weed.
Perhaps I’d be cutting that weed with the truth over and over for years until it finally died.
Holy Four, I hope it doesn’t take that long.
“Thank you, Maz,” I whispered.
“You’re always welcome,” he said, squeezing my arm before letting it go. “I’m grateful that the Four wove you into my life story.”
Tears blurred my vision as I smiled. “As am I.” I sniffed and wiped my eyes on the back of my cold hand. “Does that mean you’ll get a tattoo of me one day?” I teased.
He guffawed. “Tell you what. You take down that bloody bastard, Renwell, and I’ll let you pick whatever tattoo you want me to get.”
“And the placement?”
“Throw in a bottle of Sunshine, and you’ve got a deal.” He stuck out his callused hand.
I grinned and shook it. “I can’t wait to see what a giant heart on your ass will look like.”
Maz threw back his head and roared with laughter. Several birds took flight from the trees, cawing loudly.
“What’s so funny?” Yarina called out from behind us.
Aiden turned in his saddle to glance over his shoulder. When he saw me and Maz laughing, he flashed me a grin.
Warmth suffused my body. Gods, even just a moment of pure joy was strong enough to banish the darkness from my mind.
The next three days left little room for talking as the trail grew narrow and rocky. The chilly dampness of the air made the rocks slippery and every inch of my skin cold.
Every night, long after the last light had seeped from the canopy of trees, Jek called for a halt.
Then we’d hurry to build a fire to catch whatever dryness and warmth we could.
Any wood we found was wet, but a single fireseed from Nikella’s pouch set the logs ablaze, anyway.
Frieda had given her a handful from their store for this trip.
Nikella never gave me long to sit by the fire, though. She insisted on training every night and every morning before we began riding.
The exercises she put me through eased some of the soreness from riding Ozlow, but added to the burn of new muscles. I relished that ache. It meant progress. I wanted to burn and burn until I forged my body into a weapon as unbreakable as sunstone.
I was preparing for battle. I wanted to be a warrior who never fell. Who was never a burden. Who was victorious.
Ruru usually joined us at night and occasionally in the morning—if I could rouse him. The boy loved his sleep.
By the fourth day of riding, no one spoke at all. Every eye searched the thinning forest. Every ear listened for an indication that we weren’t alone.
Jek and Aiden took turns riding ahead to scout. I held my breath every time they came back, then let it loose with relief when they shook their heads.
We made camp that night with no fire, eating stale cornbread and salty deer jerky. We huddled under our blankets. A chilly mist that was equal parts rain and snow clung to my hair.
I could barely see the others, but I knew the distinctive shape of each of them by now.
“Gods, what I wouldn’t give for a hot meal at The Weary Traveler,” Ruru said mournfully after devouring his small portion.
I groaned. “Don’t even talk about it. I could eat ten of those biscuits right now.”
“Slathered with butter,” Ruru said with a sigh.
“And endless pitchers of Sunshine,” Maz chimed in.
“Shut up, or I’ll eat whatever’s left in your saddlebags,” Yarina snapped. She became very testy when hungry.
My stomach growled. I tried not to think about food, but rather everything else I missed—the sun, hot baths, hot meals, a bed.
I missed the comfortable lodge I’d shared with Nikella. I missed the little apartment I shared with Aiden, Maz, and Ruru in Aquinon.
I even missed my palace room. Not the one Renwell had moved me to, next to his office. But my princess one, where Mother would come in to braid my hair in front of the gilded mirror or to eat breakfast with me, Delysia, and Everett on my little stone terrace.
We’d tell funny stories and stuff ourselves with fresh fruit while the rising sun banished the long shadows from my western view. A pocket of happiness in a palace of misery.
I’d been glad when Renwell moved me after she died.
She’d haunted me in my old room. I’d find her out of the corner of my eye, on the edge of reality and hopeful dream.
Just a shadow, a trick of the light, and I’d see her still sitting there, soaking up the afternoon sunshine or arranging flowers in a vase she’d painted for me.
A glimmer, and my heart would stop, desperate to clutch at that moment in time where she could still be with me. As I always wanted her to be.
But it was never real, and I couldn’t keep torturing myself. So I’d let Renwell do it instead.
A hand landed on my shoulder, jolting me from my memories. “Your watch, Kiera,” Nikella murmured. “No training tonight.”
I nodded, then realized she probably couldn’t see me. “Understood.”
Peeling off my blanket, I rolled it up and stored it next to my pack. Then I belted my sword around my hips, nestled under my knife brace. The sword was cumbersome, a weight I was still getting used to, but the knives were a familiar, comforting presence.
Mother’s knife took up residence in my boot once more.
I stepped around Jek, Maz, and Sigrid, who were sitting and staring in opposite directions. Aiden’s familiar shadow leaned against a tree, guarding the horses.
“Be careful,” he whispered as I passed by.
Was he as familiar with my shadow as I was with his?
I’d taken watch several times, so I began my route. Walking ahead on the trail. Walking behind. Then short forays into the creaking woods.
Mirrored eyes flashed at me before blinking away. We had yet to encounter a bear or a mountain lion, like the ones Maz told stories about. But my heart beat faster all the same.
Carefully, I slipped through the woods to the west, stepping around rocks and logs like I was sneaking around someone’s house. But out here, I always had to keep track of where our camp was. Which was much harder without a fire to guide me.
Another gleam caught my eye, and I grasped the hilt of my sword. But this time, it didn’t move or blink away. It flickered.
Holding my breath, I crept closer.
Fucking Four, it’s a fire. Armored men. Horses. Saddle blankets with the Rellmiran crest.
A border patrol.