Chapter 32
Kiera
Bathrooms were excellent places to cry.
I splashed water over my hands and face, washing away my tears with the sweat and dirt caked on my cheeks.
The others had followed Caddik into the kitchen for a meal while Nikella told him the story of my father and Renwell. It was a story I was tired of living.
But she would eventually come to the events of last night, which I wanted to hear.
First, I’d needed to release the tension that had been threading through my shoulders since the confrontation with Helene and Isabel.
Caddik had given me a stern look, but then told me where to find the bathroom. He gruffly added that he would find me some clothes if I didn’t have any. I’d thanked him and hurried off before I fell apart.
The bathroom, unlike the exterior of the manor and the deep cellar we’d sheltered in, was cheerful and bright.
Yellow wallpaper reflected light from the oil lamps.
A porcelain tub sat at one end with a stone toilet and sink in the other.
Thin towels were stacked by the sink. I used one to wipe my face and grimaced at the murky streaks I left on it.
If only guilt were so easy to wash away. Or pain. Or grief.
My eyes filled with tears again.
I needed some gods-damned sleep and food. That was all. I would be strong enough to fight my pain afterward. I had to be.
Someone tapped on the door I’d locked behind me.
I dashed away the fresh tears. “Just a moment!” My voice came out too bright and quavery, like a thin flame in a strong wind. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m almost done.”
“I don’t need the bathroom, Kiera.”
I stilled, my heart thudding against my ribs. “Please go away, Aiden.”
“If that’s what you truly want.”
It wasn’t, and I didn’t hear him leave. Slowly, I walked to the door and unlocked it. I hid the towel behind my back before I swung the door open.
Aiden leaned against the frame on the other side as if he were too weary to stand. Or perhaps he was hiding me from anyone in the hallway.
His gaze traveled over my stained face and salty eyes, reading me like a letter from a lover he missed dearly. His face softened.
“Let me look at your cut,” he said.
We both knew it was shallow enough to heal in a few days, but I let him in, anyway. The bathroom felt much smaller with his tall, muscular body crowding me.
He grabbed a clean towel and wet it, then gestured for me to sit on the rim of the tub.
I obeyed and tilted my chin away to give him access to my neck.
He gently sponged away the dry blood, his black hair falling across his brow as he leaned over me.
I twisted the dirty towel in my hands. Why did he follow me? Why did I let him in?
When I couldn’t bear the silence any longer, I asked, “How did Garyth really die?”
His hand wavered. Then he carefully pressed the damp towel into my cut. “I found him when we infiltrated the Den that night. Korvin had been torturing him for days.”
Nausea rolled through my gut. I’d guessed as much, but hearing the details . . .
“He was in a bad way,” Aiden continued, his voice soft and haunted.
Like we were telling deep secrets in the dark.
“He was dying, but he was relieved to see me. His words were jumbled at times, and I didn’t catch everything.
But he was grateful his family was safe.
He admitted he told Renwell everything he knew to save his family.
And he wanted to pass more quickly than Korvin was allowing him to. ”
I stiffened, turning my head to look at Aiden. His face was so close to mine I could count every black lash around his emerald eyes. My heart stuttered.
“He told them about you? Melaena? The People’s Council?”
Aiden frowned. “He didn’t specify, which is why I was so relieved when Ruru said Melaena was safe. Perhaps Renwell plans to use his information for other purposes.”
Nothing good, I imagined.
“Did you . . . did you . . .” I faltered. Did you kill Garyth the way you had to kill my mother?
He turned away from me and went to rinse the towel in the sink. “I couldn’t. Nikella did it for me.”
My eyes burned again, and I stared at the smudged cloth I was strangling in my fingers.
I couldn’t.
I knew why he couldn’t even if he didn’t say it. I remembered the way his expression had morphed into horror when I pleaded with him to let me go in the dressing room at The Silk Dancer. The way his knife had fallen to the floor.
He’d heard my mother in that plea, I was sure of it. Just as he’d probably heard her in Garyth’s.
I remembered Davka slipping away from me, even though it wasn’t my knife that stabbed her. Death always stole so much more than just life.
“Helene was right,” I mumbled. “I should’ve warned Garyth sooner. Or Melaena. Or anyone.”
In a heartbeat, Aiden was on his knees in front of me, tugging the towel out of my grip and replacing it with his hands. “Look at me, Kiera.”
I lifted my gaze to his, our eyes nearly level with him kneeling.
“You did not kill him,” he said softly. “Renwell and Korvin did. Garyth knew the risks. He was prying into Renwell’s affairs long before Renwell sent you after him.”
Tears trembled on my lashes, blurring his face. “I tried to fix it. I helped Helene and Isabel escape, but it wasn’t enough. Renwell took Maz to punish me for my disobedience.”
Aiden brushed his thumbs under my eyes, letting my tears slide down his skin. His expression was heartbreakingly tender. “You were defiant, Kiera, and I fucking love you for it.”
The world hushed and stilled. I forgot everything else. Everything but those words. They changed me. From one beat to the next, my heart shifted, picked up a few of its broken pieces, and melded them together. It became something different. Something new and hopeful and . . . happy.
I slipped my hand around his jaw. He sighed and leaned into my palm.
Slowly, I eased closer to him. He let me come, heat flickering in his eyes. I halted a hair’s breadth from his lips. His short, warm breaths pulsed against my mouth.
I fucking love you for it.
My eyes fluttered closed, and I pressed my lips against his. Softly. A shy greeting. A breathless agreement.
He kissed me back the same way, as if he didn’t want to frighten me. As if there was more he could give, but wouldn’t.
“Kiera,” he whispered against my lips.
A knock sounded on the door. “Young lady? I have some clean clothes for you.”
Aiden’s brow furrowed, but he backed away from me. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or frustrated.
He opened the door.
Caddik poked his head in, checking to see if I was still in there. He cleared his throat and leveled a stern look at Aiden. “The others are looking for you in the kitchen.”
Aiden shot a glance toward me, a myriad of unspoken words in it. Then he disappeared out the door.
Caddik handed me a stack of clothing. “These should fit you. Best hurry before all the breakfast is gone.”
I thanked him, and he left. He’d given me a pair of hardy trousers, like the kind a worker might wear. There was also a thick, long-sleeved shirt. Someone had embroidered tiny yellow flowers growing out of the breast pockets.
I rubbed my thumb over the cheerful flowers. Did these clothes belong to his wife? Or a daughter, perhaps?
I’d have worn a sack if it got me out of this dead soldier’s uniform, so I was profoundly grateful for Caddik’s generosity. Even if he seemed curmudgeonly and had essentially tossed Aiden out of the bathroom.
My lips still tingled with awareness as I hastily changed clothes. So many things had happened in such a short time.
Aiden had said he loved me for my defiance. Was that all he loved me for? I wasn’t completely ignorant of the feelings that still tethered us together. I knew he felt the same raw attraction I did.
But was there more?