Chapter 51 Kiera
Kiera
My heart hammered in my chest.
His eyes burned with a ferocity I’d never seen before. “If Nikella’s death taught me anything, it’s that I shouldn’t wait. I was so worried in that gods-damned mine when I thought I was going to be executed. I worried you would never know.”
“What is it?” I murmured, clasping his jaw, feeling frightened. “Tell me, please.”
“I’m in love with you, Kiera. Since we met, I’ve loved you in small ways. As I came to know you, I loved you in bigger ways. Life-altering ways.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek.
I couldn’t stop gaping at him, his words exploding in my ears and through my body. He loves me? He’s IN love with me?
The corners of his mouth quirked. “I’m in love with the light you bring to my world.
I’m in love with your courage and your defiance and your kindness.
The way your heart shares the pain and joy of those you love.
” He took a deep breath. “I once told you that you stole everything from me. And you did. I wasn’t ready to give up my heart.
I didn’t think I ever would. But you took it anyway.
And now . . . now I’m surrendering my heart to you willingly and fully, with no expectations. I love you, Kiera.”
He spoke the final words with such tenderness and awe, as if he couldn’t believe he was saying them aloud, but so happy that he was.
I’d never expected such words in my life. Not even from him. I’d hoped. I’d dreamed. But this was more.
His brow creased again as tears lined my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you remember how you told me that a few of my words could pierce the darkness?”
He nodded.
“Now I know what that feels like,” I said with a smile.
His expression smoothed, and a tentative hope grew in his eyes. “Does that mean—”
“I love you, too,” I whispered. “I couldn’t name the feelings I had for you in Aquinon, as twisted and complicated as they were with all the lies. But I came to you that night to admit who I really was, because I was choosing you, Aiden.”
He pulled me into his lap, still holding tightly to me. “I know that now. I was too hurt to see it then.”
I looped my arms around his neck and played with the ends of his hair. “I knew for sure in the moonblood tree.”
His eyebrows rose. “That was over a week ago. I thought we were done keeping secrets from each other, little thief.”
“I was going to tell you. I just didn’t want it to change our plan.” Or have you leave me behind, for my sake or yours.
He seemed to hear my unspoken words. “Loving each other doesn’t make me want to put you in a cage, Kiera. It means I’ll guard your life above my own, and where you go, I will always find you. In life and death.”
My throat tightened as I gazed down at our clasped hands. Death was a possibility that never seemed more than a day away.
Even with the beautiful things we were admitting, our future was uncertain. We still had more to do. Aquinon. Renwell. Everett and Delysia.
Loving each other couldn’t change that either.
The fate of Rellmira rested on our shoulders.
“Don’t worry, I don’t plan to give up either of our souls for a long time,” Aiden whispered, drawing my chin up. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “Now eat quickly, so I can hold you in my arms all night.”
A warm glow suffused me from the inside out.
As we walked to the food table, I noticed the approving smiles aimed our way. Perhaps they hadn’t heard every word, but we weren’t exactly hiding when we confessed our love to each other.
Love. It didn’t feel real. Like I couldn’t possibly forge such a precious bond with a man like Aiden.
But I believed every word he said and trusted every emotion that spilled from my heart to his.
This was real.
We ate as fast as we could. Something tasty I didn’t remember. Aiden was barely out of arm’s reach the entire time.
After we finished, Helene handed me a new outfit. She’d been passing them out all evening, a flushed smile on her face. The Rellmirans and Dags both seemed to like her and Isabel. I was glad they’d found a home here. And a purpose.
I changed inside one of the outhouses. The thick white shirt and black trousers were nothing special.
Though they made me think of Gretchen’s yellow-flowered shirt.
I hoped the woman we freed from the log raft was wearing it now on her way home.
The boots and stockings chafed my raw ankles a bit, but I’d never been happier to have them.
I also used some soap and water to clean my skin. It wasn’t a full bath, but it was enough for now with exhaustion dragging at my limbs.
After the destruction of Calimber, Nikella’s death, and worrying over Maz, I’d barely slept. The thought of sleeping in a real bed with Aiden almost made me giddy.
He was waiting for me outside, also refreshed in new clothes. “You can burn those,” he said, nodding to my prisoner rags.
“Gladly.” I walked to the nearest fire and tossed them in.
I wished the memories were just as easy to burn.
I put my hand in Aiden’s, and he led me to a small lodge that looked newly built.
The camp had expanded since we were last here, overtaking nearly half the snowy meadow. Most likely to make room for the visiting warriors and refugees.
One day, I wanted to visit under more pleasant circumstances, not after another heartbreaking battle.
I’d been so angry and hurt the first time we came here. So eager to leave as soon as I could. Then, after the battle at Arduen’s Mountain, I’d wanted to crush Calimber to honor my mother’s sacrifice.
I was still laden with grief—old and new. And with fear for Maz and the battles we had yet to face.
But I also had love. Because of the man at my side. Love was worth every battle I fought.
Snowflakes kissed my cheeks before I ducked into Aiden’s lodge.
A bed barely wide enough for two people took up most of the space. A small table and a stool consumed the rest.
Any possessions we had left were with our horses in Twaryn.
“Do you think we’ll be able to retrieve Wicked and Ozlow soon? And the other horses?” I asked.
Aiden rolled back the heavy fur blankets and quilts on his bed—our bed. “One day, I hope. After.”
After Aquinon. Would he be king then? Would I be . . .
I shook my head. Enjoy this now while you have it.
Aiden kicked off his boots and turned down the overhead lamp. I gingerly removed my boots in the darkness.
“Aiden?” I whispered.
A warm hand grasped my elbow and guided me to the bed. “I told you I’d always be able to find you, even if you were one with the dark.”
I smiled and crawled into the bed. His large body quickly followed. I curled into his arms as if we’d be doing the same motions for years. He dragged the blankets over us.
“Does the darkness bother you? After everything,” I whispered.
“It helps to have destroyed that place.” The words rumbled in my ear. “But I fear nothing with you in my arms.”
I snuggled deeper into his arms. I had many new fears, but he was right. I was at peace in his arms.
“I love you, Aiden.”
His arms tightened. He kissed the top of my head. “I love you, too, Kiera.”
I fell into a deep sleep. I dreamed of training with Nikella in a snowy meadow. She smiled and laughed, her eyes glowing with happiness. She touched my shoulder when we were done.
“Defeat the monsters, Kiera,” she whispered.
I woke up, my heart pounding, sweat tickling my spine. Aiden still slept soundly next to me, even as light threaded through the cracks of our door.
Defeat the monsters, Kiera.
Gods, that dream had felt so real. It stirred an unease deep in my gut. The only monster left was Renwell. And we had plans for him. Henry would be at Aquinon in about three weeks. Giving us plenty of time to recuperate, fix the ships, and sail to the royal city.
But we’d lost Nikella.
She’d wanted to sneak in first and disable the cliff gate so Aiden and I and our forces wouldn’t be stuck on the steep cliff road.
We couldn’t blow it up without decimating ourselves. We could wait for Henry to let us in, but what if he didn’t make it through in time? We’d be like snared rabbits at the mercy of the Wolves.
Defeat the monsters.
I stilled, hardly daring to breathe for fear of disturbing Aiden.
I needed to be the one to go into Aquinon. I needed to cripple the gate. But before that, I needed to confront Renwell and make sure Everett and Delysia were out of harm’s way before the attack.
Then I could defeat Renwell myself.
The plan notched into place in my mind as if my dream had given me the perfect pieces.
I gazed at Aiden’s sleeping face. My heart burned with longing, with fierce protectiveness, with a deep desire to see us victorious on the other side of this battle.
He wouldn’t like it. But I needed to do this.
Quietly, I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and slipped out of our lodge to visit Maz. His sisters and Bruna were snoring near him, but his eyes were open.
“Maz!” I threw myself at him, careful to avoid his heavy bandage.
He coughed. “Hello, lovely,” he rasped. “Water.”
“Of course.” I dipped a cup in the bucket of cold water near his head and tilted it to his mouth.
He sipped slowly, grimacing. “Gods, everything hurts.”
My throat constricted, those moments flashing through my mind again. “Thank you. For saving me from the barrel.”
His eyes filled with soul-deep kindness. “No, thank you, Kiera. For saving me from Korvin and Renwell. I should’ve said that a long time ago.”
My eyes burned as his words soothed a hurt I didn’t know I still carried.
Sniffling, I nudged his good shoulder. “You need to stop doing this to us, Mazkull. I almost lost my mind. Again.”
He let out a laugh that was more of a sigh and leaned back, closing his eyes. “Can’t help it. Such a desirable target.”
“Or just lousy defensive skills,” I retorted.
“Eh. Get Nikella to teach me.”
My heart cracked, and I bit my lip.
Maz peered at me through heavy eyelids. When he saw my expression, he groaned. “No.”
“She saved us,” I whispered. “We wouldn’t have made it without her.”
Tears leaked from Maz’s eyes into his golden hair. His face contorted. “Aiden?”
“He’s alive,” I said quickly. “And Ruru. He found his brother, Daire. We rescued one hundred and fifty-three prisoners from the mine and the Wolf ship. Helene and Isabel are here and happy. Your sisters are safe. And Jek.”
“Ah, Jek. He must be heartbroken.” Maz frowned. “Gods, Nikella. I thought nothing could defeat that woman.”
“She chose to save us,” I corrected him gently. “Perhaps if you’re very good and heal properly and don’t get yourself gravely injured again, I’ll tell you the story of how Mynastra swallowed Calimber whole.”
His eyes widened. “You’ve got a story, lovely? You know what I say about a story well-told.”
I smiled. “Yes, but first, drink more water. And eat something. And let Aiden examine you.”
“Bossy,” Maz griped. “One would think you’re already queen.”
I froze.
Guilt flashed through Maz’s eyes. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean—Aiden!” Relief strengthened his voice. He coughed again, trying to lift his hand, but couldn’t quite manage it.
“Good to see you, brother,” Aiden’s deep voice said from behind me.
“Told you it wasn’t goodbye.”
My cheeks heated as Aiden stepped up behind me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and growled in my ear. “When I said I wanted to hold you in my arms all night, should I have specified I meant the morning as well?”
Maz’s eyebrows shot up, and a satisfied smirk curled under his beard.
“How long have you been standing there?” I asked breathlessly. Did he hear what Maz had called me?
“Only a moment or so,” Aiden murmured and released me.
“Don’t you two have your own lodge?” Yarina grumbled sleepily, throwing her arm over her eyes.
“Hey, little sister,” Maz rasped.
Yarina bolted upright. “Fucking Four, Mazkull! Why didn’t you wake me?” She beamed at Maz, then kicked Sigrid’s foot. “He’s awake!” she shouted.
While his sisters and Bruna converged on him, and Aiden tried to hold them off so he could examine Maz’s wound, I slipped out of the lodge.
I walked toward the open meadow, my mind pacing faster than my feet.
Queen.
The word rattled me. I’d barely allowed my thoughts to touch on such a dangerous idea. The title. The palace. The marriage.
When I thought of a queen, I thought of Mother—confined, desperate, dead. Aiden would be a better king than Father, but I’d left that life for a reason.
Loving a future king meant I’d have to make a choice one day. But not now.
I reached the meadow where Nikella had trained me. Dozens of hoofprints and footprints riddled the thick layer of snow, especially where the Yargoths had piled branches and kindling into a large tower.
Jek was standing in front of it, his shoulders slumped. Nikella’s spear shone in his fist. I wondered if he ever relinquished it.
Pale sunlight glittered across the snow, making it look as though I were wading through diamonds as I trudged toward him.
He didn’t glance at me, but I noticed his red-rimmed eyes. “We can’t burn her body,” he said, staring at the mountain of wood. “But I suppose Mynastra claimed Nikella for herself in the end.”
“I’m sorry, Jek,” I whispered. “She really did love you.”
He shook his head. “Not more than her duty. I knew that. I knew I would have to let her go again and again until she was gone for good. But I hoped . . . I hoped we would have more time between.”
My throat tightened. I remembered how she’d always looked east when we were traveling. How she said her heart could barely recognize love when it was standing in front of her.
She’d wanted a life of love, but never let herself have it.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, the words feeling paltry.
He drew in a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, the air of a warrior returning to him. “Perhaps when my soul joins hers, I won’t have to chase her anymore.”
I brushed my fingers over his arm. “Not too soon, Jek. We need you here. We need you for the battle ahead.”
He looked down at me. “I’ll be there. I have one score left to settle on her behalf.”
Renwell.
“She believed in you,” he said gently. “She read people’s hearts, and I think she saw the warrior in you.”
My nose stung as I tried to hold back a fresh wave of tears. “Then I hope she was right.”
“I see it, too. And I pray you do not have to give everything as she did.”
I bit my lip. I prayed for that, too.
Jek nodded to the woodpile. “For Arduen’s Night in five nights’ time.”
My brow furrowed. “I’ve heard you perform a special dance around a fire, but I’ve never celebrated that way.” The closest I came was dancing in Asher’s ballroom.
A faint smile quirked Jek’s mouth. “You’ll enjoy it.”
Five nights. And then I would ride for Aquinon.