Chapter 59 Kiera
Kiera
I shared my discovery with Everett and Delysia the next morning over breakfast on my little balcony.
I thought about keeping it to myself. But I didn’t care for secrets anymore.
It was actually a relief to discuss it with them, rather than spin questions around in my head.
“Perhaps he used to be a Shadow-Wolf, then grew disgruntled with Renwell and deserted,” Everett suggested, buttering his toast.
“I don’t think any Wolf has ever deserted. If they did, it wasn’t for long,” I said grimly. “Remember, they sign up for the money or for darker desires. Few men change their minds about that.”
“Renwell set you up,” Delysia declared, peeling a cooked egg.
“You said he’s trying to get you to forgive him for some twisted reason.
He wanted to save you, like Aiden saved you.
” Every time she mentioned Aiden, her voice turned dreamy, even though she’d never met him. I couldn’t help but smile each time.
“I agree. Renwell likely paid that man to attack me,” I said, picking the fatty bits off my bacon. I only liked the crispy parts. “But what mercenary would willingly sacrifice his life? You don’t get paid in the Abyss.”
Everett shrugged, the sun glinting off the gold thread in his jacket. “Perhaps Renwell lied to him, too. He could’ve told the Wolf that he would only fight him off, not kill him.”
“That sounds more like him,” I muttered. “But I plan to keep my suspicions to myself and pretend to warm up to his ideals until I get his gods-damned permission to go back to Melaena’s. There are too many guards on the bridge for me to sneak past.”
Delysia nodded. “They’ve been all over that bridge for weeks. For a while, they didn’t let anyone cross it. Renwell must have thought you or Aiden would try to sneak across the bridge, since it’s the only way in or out now.”
“When Aiden crosses that bridge, he won’t be sneaking,” I said firmly.
Delysia smirked at me. “No, he’ll be sprinting toward you.”
I flicked a piece of fatty bacon at her.
She shrieked and launched backward in her chair. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to remove a grease stain from silk?” she cried.
Instead of laughing like I might’ve when we were younger, I held my hands up. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want to create more work for the maids. I suppose I’m not used to caring for fine clothes anymore.”
Delysia settled back in her chair, fluffing her skirts with pink cheeks. “I didn’t mean to get hysterical. I guess it’s still a reflex from when Father used to criticize all my dresses for any little wrinkle or stain.”
Even though he was gone, Father still cast a shadow over us as he had our whole lives.
I reached across the table and clasped her hand, then Everett’s.
“When this is over, I promise I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you both get to lead the lives you’ve always wanted.
No more worrying about late nights in the library or ink-stained fingers.
No more stress over a secret lover and perfect appearances. You’ll be free. I promise.”
“You should also have the life you want, Kiera,” Delysia whispered, a breeze toying with her golden hair.
Everett nodded, squeezing my hand.
I gave them a weak smile. All I wanted was for Rellmira to be free.
To get my friends and family through this last battle alive.
Beyond that, my dreams were wisps of light—vague hopes of love and happiness and freedom .
. . and Aiden. But those dreams kept dancing out of reach in my mind, frightened of the darkness that still held it captive.
Later that night, I knocked on Renwell’s study door. The two guards flanking it didn’t look at me. Nor did they seem to care that I had a knife in my boot.
“Come in, Kiera,” Renwell called.
My eye twitched. Always reminding how well you know me, aren’t you?
I opened the door, forcing my expression back to its calm facade. “I’m here for a rematch,” I announced.
I sat in the chair in front of his desk, tossing my braid over my shoulder as if I hadn’t a care in the world.
Renwell’s narrowed eyes took in my perfectly still hands and loose posture. Gods, it was almost painful not to fidget.
The fire in his hearth crackled in the silence, but I didn’t fill it. Just lifted an eyebrow at my former mentor.
He wore the crown this time, making me wonder if he’d come from a meeting. Who remained on his High Council if Korvin and Dracles were dead? Perhaps he meant to have no High Council as well as no People’s Council. To rule alone and independently.
Except he had offered me the position of High Enforcer. He wanted me at his side.
It’s not because he cares for me. He doesn’t. He hasn’t. He never will.
Renwell withdrew the box from a drawer in his desk. “Stakes?”
“I want what I wanted before. An evening with Melaena. Alone.”
The corner of Renwell’s mouth lifted. “Did you not have enough time to discuss your rebel business before your captivating dance?”
Heat crawled up my neck, but I didn’t break eye contact with him. “I told her who was still alive. And who wasn’t. As well as what happened at Calimber. Seems your subjects aren’t very well-informed.”
The other side of Renwell’s mouth ticked upward. “A lapse in judgment you’d like to rectify, High Enforcer?”
“One of many,” I said.
Renwell dumped the Death and Four tiles onto his desk. “If you think you can turn the people against me, you’ll find that they know exactly who I am and what I’ve done. Fear is an axe to the tree of discontent.”
“Do they know you murdered your father?” I asked, nonchalantly flipping tiles over.
Renwell froze. His pale cheeks were like marble. “My sister truly unburdened her mind before she surrendered the fight.”
The cold way he spoke of Nikella’s heroic sacrifice hardened something inside me. “She told me the truth. She wanted me to know who I was dealing with.”
“And do you understand me now?” Renwell breathed, leaning over the desk. His eyes were nearly black with leashed rage. “Have you found a weakness yet? Something to use against me?”
“I’m sorry your father beat you,” I whispered, clutching the seat of my chair to keep myself from bolting. “No father should do that to a child.”
“Is that your play?” Renwell sneered. “Your father had you beaten once, and you think we suffered the same.”
“No, I—”
“You know what my father used to say to me? Or did Nikella not tell you that?”
I shook my head.
“He used to say, ‘one man’s weakness is another man’s power.
’ He told me that every time I cried when he kicked me and whipped me with his belt.
Because I feared him, he had power over me.
” Renwell suddenly broke off and sat back in his seat, his expression as placid as glass.
“So I took his advice. I stopped being afraid. I dragged him to the river he so feared and drowned him while repeating those very words.”
Disgust crawled through my veins. Disgust for such a horrible man, but also for the son he turned into the monster before me.
“Are we the same?” Renwell asked softly. “Would you have wanted to kill your father if I hadn’t gotten there first?”
I shook my head. I’d hated Father, but to actually kill him? I didn’t know if I could’ve forced his heart to stop beating.
“Come now, admit it.” Renwell’s smile was venomous. “You tried to kill me, after all. The night Aiden killed your mother, I found that wild, raw hatred and helplessness inside of you and knew exactly how to sculpt it.”
I shook my head again, even though he hadn’t asked a question.
“Shall I tell you more about myself? Perhaps you’ll find another weakness. Or another way we are alike.” He took the crown off his head and studied it in the firelight. The bits of sunstone embedded in the gold flickered with their dead stars.
“As a miner’s son, I would never be more than a miner.
The same as every boy and girl in the village of Calimber who toiled for someone else’s gain and accepted their scraps.
But I was cleverer than all of them, including my siblings, and twice as ambitious.
I refused to waste that on the life I was born into. ”
His eyes refocused on me when I said nothing. “That’s why I partnered with your father when I left Calimber behind. Weylin already had the connections I needed and the bone-deep desire to get us there. I simply had to play on his considerable weaknesses to ensure our victory.”
“Just like you used Mother’s death to cut me away from the rest of my life,” I rasped.
“You chose that. If anything, you used me.”
I barked a humorless laugh. “As a mentor. Not a weapon.”
“We both had to play our parts.” Renwell placed the crown back on his head.
“I grew tired of pretending I wasn’t stronger and smarter.
I grew weary of constantly herding lesser minds, of not just taking what I wanted.
” His gaze gleamed with an almost feverish look as it slid over me.
“Aren’t you tired of pretending, Kiera? Pretending you don’t want more? ”
I licked my dry lips. His eyes snapped to the motion like a snake’s.
“I do want more,” I said. But not from you. “I want peace. I want freedom. I don’t want to be held captive in a role that carves away pieces of who I am to make me fit. Freedom means I will carve my place in the world to fit exactly who I am.”
My voice cracked, and I looked away, staring into the fire. I hadn’t meant to speak such truth, to let a sliver of my soul escape through my words. Fucking Four, I hadn’t even realized that was what I wanted so badly.
Renwell leaned forward, drawing my attention back to his hard eyes. “Then I will hand you the knife, Kiera. All I ask is one simple promise.”
I hesitated, letting my gaze wander over his furrowed face as if I were thinking it over. Renwell didn’t seem to breathe. The Death and Four tiles lay abandoned between us.
He wants me to trust him. For some unfathomable reason, he wants me at his side. Willingly. Whether that’s because he truly cares or not, I can use it against him the way he did to me.
“Give me one night alone,” I said. “Show me you can honor your word, and I will swear an oath to you the next day.”
Triumph flared in Renwell’s eyes. “Done.”