My Proposal
Sienna
Something about last night changed my perception of everything.
Maybe my approach isn’t right, wanting to get closer to him, wanting him to give in to those feelings I know he still has for me.
But now it feels wrong to try to push him, even though I hadn’t even attempted to push his limits.
I broke something that isn’t going to heal so easily.
There is no wound left on me or any trace of the injury, but his touch remains. I felt him – felt the way his power flowed into me, felt him pull the pain from me, felt him hold me close as his heart raced, felt his breath on my lips, my ear, my neck…
I felt everything, and I felt so much pain.
It hurts, and I just don’t want to hurt him anymore, but I am hurting him by even being here.
I keep hurting him. I know that I love him, and that he loves me, even after I poured gasoline over our relationship, lit the match myself and watched it all go up in flames.
Korina didn’t let me leave the infirmary until she was fully satisfied I was fit and well, which meant she observed me until noon the next day. Her curiosity regarding my relationship with Jayce came up a few times in subtle passing, but I said nothing. There wasn’t anything for me to say.
It’s now late afternoon, and I enter the common room where Grandpa Alejandro, Mikhail, and Jayce are poring over some patrol reports. It might not be the best of times, but I may not find them together again with no one else around.
“Excuse me, can I have a word?” I ask as I stop a few yards away, not wanting to invade their space as they work.
They all glance at me, but my eyes are on Jayce; his eyes flick over me as if checking if I’m ok before he looks away.
Gods, he’s so handsome…
“What is it?” Grandpa Al asks me.
Taking a deep breath, I begin, “I understand that those who are touched by a god can harm me through the barriers.” Jayce stiffens ever so slightly before turning his attention back to what he’s doing.
“However, as far as we know, we don’t know of anyone from the enemy who has been touched.
I think it’s a good idea for me to put up barriers around our outposts. ”
“No.” Jayce’s single word cuts through the room, making the other two men look at him.
“But it would buy our people time to get into position and be prepared for the attack, not to mention save lives,” I protest.
“We already know the risks of those barriers, and next time it happens, the one who inflicts such an attack on you won’t hang around to fix it. There’s a high chance that even those favoured by gods could cause harm.”
A theory that has crossed my mind, but until we test it, we can’t be sure.
“What if Aunty Kiara moved here? I know it’s not what you’d want, but you two can be together?” I suggest to Grandpa Al.
“Someone would need to govern my pack,” Grandpa Al murmurs, but the way he’s combing his fingers through his beard makes me wonder if he’s considering it. I know it’s hard for both of them to be apart.
“We don’t know if she can heal you,” Jayce remarks icily. “She can’t heal everything.”
“We could test it,” I suggest, looking into his sharp green eyes.
“By having me attack your barrier again? It’s a no.”
“Jayce-”
“It’s ‘Captain’,” he says dismissively, reminding me of back when I was put into his division.
“Captain, I think-”
“We’ve survived centuries without magic shields.
We don’t need you bleeding for us. We will survive without you.
” His words cut deep as he stands up, not bothering to wait for a reply before he walks off and leaves the barracks, leaving only the blast of cold from outside behind, the door slamming shut with a resounding snap.
His words feel like a rejection. As if trying to prove they don’t need me – that he doesn’t need me. But I’m not delusional; he’s worried about losing me – again, even if he keeps me at arm’s length.
I stare at the door that slammed shut after him.
Mikhail smirks. “When emotions cloud judgment, it makes everything so much harder,” he remarks, mocking amusement dripping from his voice.
“I am in agreement with Jayce. Mikhail, what do you think?”
“Well, perhaps since I am not family, I do not see it like that. There is a risk, yes. But every single man and woman here is risking their life. If we have the means to make things safer, then why not take it?”
“Exactly. No one’s life is worth more than others,” I say firmly.
“You are right…” Grandpa Al sighs.
And yet, you felt your father’s life was worth more than yours, Jayce’s cold words slip into my mind.
If you still wanted to hear the rest of the conversation, why leave? I ask through the mind-link.
He doesn’t reply, and I resist a small smile. It’s not much, but he’s communicating; it’s a start.
“Look, I can experiment. Maybe I can try to implement some kind of deflection when attacked; imagine a giant rubber ball that everything can bounce off,” I try.
“You can do that?” Mikhail asks.
“I can try.”
“This would mean you would have to stay here,” Grandpa Al grunts.
“It is war, and we need to do what is needed,” Mikhail says, his sharp eyes fixed on Grandpa Al.
“But I will leave this to you, Second-in-Command. I just hope you make the decision wisely.” Mikhail leans forward, gathering up the reports before he stands, his eyes flitting to me for a moment before he leaves.
And then it’s just Grandpa Al and me. Grandpa Al sighs as he lights himself a cigarette and sits back in the chair; it creaks under his weight as his eyes burn into me.
“You do love to put yourself in danger,” he remarks, motioning for me to take a seat. “I think that fucker Ahren should try it.”
“If we look at the bigger picture, Ahren is needed in England; he is the Alpha,” I say softly.
“And this has nothing to do with a certain scar-faced Westwood?” he raises a bushy brow, and I can’t help but laugh.
“More than one has a scar on his face, but no, I’m not saying all of this is because of him. If Jayce returns to England and I have to stay here, I will.” I wonder if he’s still listening.
“But you can’t for long either,” Grandpa Al reminds me pointedly.
My heat.
I sigh. “I know, but I think I can help, really help, but I want to make sure I have consent from the leaders of this outpost.”
“Mikhail is leaving it to me. The fucker’s put me in a sticky situation because either way, I’m going to get fucking blasted. Jayce will be pissed at me. Ahren, too.”
“Ahren may not; I think we have to realise I’m not a child anymore.
I, like anyone else, can do my part, take the risks that any male would.
And please, this is all gender-based, isn’t it?
Ahren, I’m sure you love him just as much as you do me, and yet you are ok with him risking it all,” I whisper, leaning forward.
Grandpa Al scoffs. “Who said I love that fucker as much? You’re my favourite from the three of you,” he dismisses me.
I smile. “I don’t believe that you mean even more than Kaden?”
“Yes, that little grinning monster pinches me every damn time he can, or he likes to pick the hair from my arm,” he retorts. I giggle.
“Well, in all fairness, he might just be wanting to help you groom,” I tease. Grandpa Al raises his brows.
“And how is the pinching meant to help?”
I shrug. “A special kind of acupuncture, maybe?”
“All Rossi boys are menaces,” he says with complete conviction.
I smile, watching him as the light reflects off his weathered skin, the lines somehow deeper. The greys in his beard and brows are far more than what they once were, and I suddenly feel an overwhelming surge of emotion. He’s always been there for us, and he still is.
But imagining that one day he won’t be…
I stand up and walk over to him, take a seat on the armrest of his chair, wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and rest my head against his neck. “Thank you, Grandpa, for always being there for us.”
He seems surprised, his arm half raised as he was about to take a puff on his cigarette, his heart rate just a bit faster before he chuckles.
“I haven’t done much, kiddo, but I will always try my best,” he promises gruffly as he gives my arm a gentle squeeze.
I smile. “Grandpa Rafael would be so proud,” I whisper. I know he would.
“When you were up there, did you ever think to find a way to connect to those who have passed…?” he asks quietly. I sit up, and he turns his head to look at me, placing his hand on my knee.
I haven’t really talked about what happened in the Gods’ Realm. No one, but Heaven and Allie, has really asked me or been curious; everyone else prefers not to pry, as if talking about it would upset me. I don’t mind…
“I did, and Helios did try, but Selene was upset with him for taking me, so she refused,” I speak the painful words.
“I see…” He sounds almost regretful. “And the fucker Helios, how did you cope spending so much fucking time with someone you hate?”
“I hated what he did, how he tricked me, how he took advantage of my pain, but I don’t hate him; he’s…
the gods are different from us humans. He’s petty and cocky, but unfortunately, he doesn’t understand love.
I feel as if he hated that more than the Deimos line, because those of the Deimos line love so deeply that even the gods burn. ”
Grandpa Al is silent for a moment, the words lingering between us, only the loud crackling of the fire breaking the silence. Then he scoffs and slaps my knee lightly. “No, we Rossis are better.”
I giggle. “And yet, we Rossi girls think otherwise,” I tease.
“Well, I’d like to see proof of that. If you ask me, all Westwoods are just stubborn fuckers. And yes, even Liam, he’s damn stubborn.”
“And now the pot is calling the kettle black.” I smile softly.
“Yeah, well, it’s in our genes; us Rossis are allowed to be stubborn,” he says.
I laugh in disbelief. “That is not fair!”
“Now you’re showing whose side you’re really on.” He narrows his eyes, but there’s a faint smile on his lips.
“Well, I don’t think we’re two sides. We’re one big family.”
“Well, if you saw them as family, and even better as brothers, we wouldn’t have this issue,” he grumbles.
I slap his shoulder lightly. “Grandpa, you’re being salty,” I pout.
“So what else did you get up to in the land of gods?” he asks, taking a drag on his cigarette.
“Well, I trained. Helios allowed me to have as many instructors as I needed; they trained me and helped me. Luckily, he wasn’t always around. As a god, he had a lot to tend to, and I’m grateful for it. I was his… wife, but I refused to be a part of that world, and he knew that.”
“We learn from our experiences, and you have been through things that no other mortal can say they have. For what it’s worth, I am proud of you,” he says quietly.
His dark eyes meet mine before I lean in and kiss the side of his head. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He looks up at me, and I smile. I needed this.
“Anytime, kiddo, anytime.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, deciding to stay here for a while longer, and so I begin telling him about what he’s missed back in England. I’m sure Aunty Kiara has filled him in, but still.
“Allie’s getting better with her magic, you know,” I begin.
“Oh yeah? That bottle of poison is determined.”
Gods, do I miss them.
I smile softly. “Of course she is, just like her papa.”
He chuckles, and I tell him about one of our training sessions as I stare into the fire, a small smile playing on my lips.