You Are No Coward
Sienna
It’s much later, and both Jayce and I have stopped at a takeaway to grab a bite to eat.
We’re sitting in one of the red booths under the bright fluorescent lights.
Ahren’s taken the man to the plane; security will be tight, and he will be put into a safe house in Alaska under Royce and Skyla’s care.
Before he left, I had gotten all of the images we needed from his mind.
“Are you certain it’s him?” I ask Jayce, taking a sip of my Coca-Cola.
When Jayce said he knew the man, that was shocking enough, but when he said it was Katara’s boyfriend, that was even more worrisome.
It makes me uneasy. Is he trying to get close to Jayce and his family?
“Yeah.” Jayce nods as he bites into his burger.
“And he was alive twenty years or so ago, meaning he isn’t the age he appears to be. Meaning Katara is dating an older man,” I say quietly, the thought making me sick.
Jayce’s eyes flash. “Yeah, but as much as I want to find him and fucking destroy him, we have to wait. Ahren said he’ll be back with answers, so until then, we wait.”
I nod. “Shouldn’t you warn Katara?” I ask; I’ve cast a privacy spell just in case.
“Na, I’ve told Dad to keep an eye on her, so she doesn’t try to sneak out, but we have to keep what we know on the downlow; we don’t want him to figure it out.”
He’s right.
Ahren didn’t delay either, saying he’ll head back in time to Italy and see what was in the pages that were destroyed. He’s meant to meet up with us later, so until then we’re just waiting.
I wish I could speak to Heaven and Allie about this. Gods, I miss them both. I want to tell them I’ve marked him, too. We’ve scheduled a video call for later tonight; Allie is on a mission and won’t be back until after two in the morning. It’s already past twelve, and we’re still out.
“Vincenzo Bianchi… Did Uncle Leo say anything about that?” I ask. Jayce shakes his head.
“Not yet. I’m sure he’ll be able to find something; there’s only so much a person can hide. Everyone has a digital footprint. And Leo has his way when it comes to the web.”
I nod as I take some fries and nibble on them slowly. “Yeah… I guess so. I just feel on edge,” I admit truthfully. “Really uneasy.”
“Yeah, me too,” he admits quietly.
“Wait, am I sensing your emotions?” I ask, doubtful for a second.
“Or am I sensing yours?” he counters arrogantly. “I assure you, I keep my emotions in check.”
I smile slightly, but it doesn’t take away the uneasiness that is growing in the pit of my stomach. I feel as if something is coming…
And the dome, it keeps entering my thoughts, a silent reminder that I need to go back. Is that where the answers lie?
“There’s still nothing on the dome either, and yet I feel as if something is left incomplete,” I say quietly.
He takes another bite of his burger. “Maybe the answer is in your dreams.”
“Maybe…”
“Now that the bond is complete, maybe I can stabilise you if you were to push for information within those visions,” he suggests. I look up at him, knowing he hates the mention of Helios, but right now I need to mention him.
“Yeah, I think I could direct it; I’ve done it before when I saw the Deimos temple. Helios didn’t want me to see it, but I was able to get there, to the steps.”
He’s watching me silently. After a moment, he gives a curt nod. “Yeah. Maybe we can try that.”
I nod, and a silence falls between us; once again, the tension thickens.
“I know it’s just a word, but I am truly sorry for everything,” I say quietly, looking down at my hands.
“Looking back now, I realise I was so na?ve. So desperate to fix things… It hurt not having Dad there, to see Mama, Jaddati, Aunty with no protector. I know they’re strong, but it felt like it was just us who kept losing our father figures.
The weight on Ahren’s shoulders – he wasn’t even eighteen. It all felt so unfair.”
The emotions – it hurts to think about it. The music suddenly feels a little loud in here, and I’m suddenly hyperaware of the sound of the oil in the fryer, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and the beeping of the microwave.
Forcing a smile, I shake my head. “Anyway-”
“Yeah, well, I think most of us would jump if we were offered such a deal,” he says at the same time. My heart skips a beat as I look into his gorgeous eyes.
“But you wouldn’t; you would have analysed Helios’ connection to everyone around you, you would have asked the right questions, not let your emotions make the decision,” I murmur.
“Yeah, maybe, who knows? But we’re not the same.”
Yeah, we aren’t the same. “That’s true.”
For a moment, it’s as if he wants to say something, but instead he just drinks some Coca-Cola and scans the menu board above the counter behind me, as if not wanting to look directly at me.
“In the Gods’ Realm, how did he treat you?” he asks after a moment.
I look up sharply, slightly startled at the question.
“Fine. I think knowing he had eternity to make me submit to him, he left me alone for the most part. I told him that I’d be his wife by title, but that was all.
I did not agree to anything more. I saw him more than I wished I had to, but for the most part, he was busy with his own affairs.
He gave me tutors, books, and my own quarters, anything I asked for.
He made me his High Queen, and I have no idea why, when he had many other wives. ”
I pause, then sigh heavily as I take a sip of my drink. “Well, I know why. I was the trophy he stole from the blood of Andronikos.”
“He tricked you because you were my mate, and yet not once have you pinned that blame on me,” he remarks as he finishes his burger.
I sit back; not once has that thought crossed my mind. “Why would I blame you? Being your mate was the greatest gift and honour I could be bestowed with, regardless of the animosity it brought – even if it was the wrath of a god.”
He tilts his head, crossing his arms across his broad chest, and nods slowly. “Still think it was a gift and honour?”
“I do; that won’t change, regardless of what the future holds and what happened,” I answer truthfully.
“Hmm.”
“Jayce…” I want to ask him about what it was that I saw when I marked him. My wolf is on edge, almost as if warning me not to ask him now, but I have to know.
He doesn’t respond, but his eyes remain fixed on mine, watching me intently, like he already knows he’s not going to like what comes next, but giving me the chance to back out. But I can’t. I have to know.
“When I marked you, I saw- felt your fears,” I say, my voice softer now, speaking gently. “I thought I saw-”
Something in him shifts instantly.
His eyes turn cold, the warmth draining so fast as I sense his walls come up and shut me out entirely. I didn’t even realise he hadn’t blocked me out completely until the emptiness hit me just now.
“We’re done here,” he cuts in, his voice flat, final. “Let’s get back to the pack borders. We’ll wait for Ahren there.”
He stands abruptly, even though I haven’t finished eating.
“Jayce-”
“Sienna. Let’s go.”
There’s a flash of anger in his eyes now, as his eyes meet mine fleetingly before he turns and walks out without another word.
I stare after him for half a second before getting up, leaving my food behind as I hurry after him, catching the door just before it swings shut.
“Jayce, can you at least-”
“I said we’re not having this fucking conversation!” he snarls, spinning around so fast I almost knock into him. I look up at him, his eyes blazing blue as they lock onto mine.
His aura surges, the force of it suffocating, but it only fuels the anger and frustration already rising within me.
He turns and storms towards his bike.
My brows draw together as I close the distance between us swiftly, reaching him just as he swings his leg over his bike.
“And I said we are,” I reply, my voice quiet but firm as I stop directly in front of him, blocking his path.
He revs the engine, the sound loud in the silent street, his expression dark as he glares down at me.
“Well then, you can continue this conversation on your own,” he says harshly. “I don’t owe you any fucking answers.”
“You do when it involves me,” I shoot back, placing my hand over his on the bike handle before he can pull away. “And your denial is only fuelling my assumption about what I saw.”
He clenches his jaw, his eyes darkening as he glares at me.
I know I’m pushing too far, but I don’t stop.
“I told you to fucking drop it,” he snarls menacingly, his voice colder now. “Just because we’ve had a couple of conversations and I allowed you to mark me, don’t fucking overstep.”
“I’m not overstepping,” I argue, the frustration seeping into my voice as I cry out. “I have a right to know when you’re blaming yourself for me leaving!”
He stills.
It’s subtle, but I see it.
That flicker of something he didn’t expect me to catch on to.
I feel an icy wave through the bond as lightning flashes across the sky above us, illuminating the rage on his face.
My heart pounds, but I don’t back down.
“Sienna,” he growls in warning, his eyes glinting, and my instincts are telling me to stop.
“No,” I push, my voice steadier now, even as everything in me is bracing for his unleashed wrath. “You blamed yourself; I saw it. You’re not angry at me for leaving; you’re not even angry at me for rejecting you; you’re-”
“I said enough!”
The words tear through the darkness as he yanks his hand free from mine, the sudden force catching me off guard, and my nails tear through his flesh.
I gasp at what I’ve done, but he’s unfazed as he gets off the bike, turning his back to me as he rakes his hand through his hair.
“Jayce…” I step closer, reaching for his hand as blood drips down it, but he instantly wrenches free from my hold.
“I said to fucking drop it! We are nothing. So don’t fucking act like we are.”
“Because you’re afraid?” I whisper. I saw a snippet, but I need to hear him say it. “I thought you were angry at me for what I did, and you had every right to be, but more than that, you’re going to push me away because you’re afraid to admit-”
“Yes, I am! What do you fucking want me to say?! That, yeah, despite being the fucking Deimos King, that I can’t even keep my mate safe?
!” he snarls, his words raw and harsh, the final restraint on his self-control snapping.
If it wasn’t for the spell I cast earlier, we would have had an audience by now.
“I wasn’t able to protect you on our first date, I wasn’t able to protect you from Helios, and I wasn’t able to protect my mother!
So, yes, I’m fucking afraid that the next time I may lose you!
Being the mate of the Deimos King puts a target on your fucking back.
So yeah, staying the fuck away from you is best for both of us! ”
My heart thuds as I stare into his raging blue eyes, his aura swirling around him so intensely that I can barely breathe; but those words, even if spoken in anger, are his truth.
“If that makes me a coward, then so be it,” he adds, his voice rough but lower, his eyes burning into mine. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”
My heart slams against my ribs as I stare at him, at the rawness in his expression, the anger and pain tangled so tightly together it’s impossible to separate them.
Those words are what he believes, but they’re wrong.
My heart aches for him. How can he see himself like that? How can he blame himself for his mama’s death?
“It makes you anything but a coward,” I whisper, stepping closer despite the tension still crackling between us. I cup his face gently yet firmly; my fingers rest against his jaw and the side of his neck.
“You showed me how to live when I was drowning,” I continue, wanting him to see what I see. “You gave me a reason to breathe when it felt like I was suffocating. You made me smile when it hurt just to exist. You loved me at my lowest.”
He takes hold of my wrists and tugs my hands off his face, looking away.
“You crossed to the Realm of the Gods and brought a god to his knees to rescue me from a life I never wanted. You marked me and broke Helios’ hold on me even when you were angry with me.
You have done nothing but protect me. You know I am speaking the truth.
Why can’t you see that you have not failed anyone?
It is not your fault your mama died; you were not the only one there,” I say gently, hoping he understands what I’m saying, but I can see him already shutting me out. “Jayce…”
“Because I can see what it means to be the mate of the Deimos King. I can see how I failed time and fucking time again. You are better off not being associated with me. We have done what we needed to do. We can continue with our lives now. Go home, Sienna.”
He turns away from me as that settles it, like everything between us can be left behind with those few words. But before I can respond, something shifts.
Both Jayce and I turn at the same time as the takeaway sign flickers, the light blinking three times before it dims; then the sign next door follows, the glow dimming and flaring in uneven pulses.
My heartbeat quickens, his hand clamping around my wrist as he pulls me close. Even now, he continues to try to protect me.
We move at the same time, turning as one, so we’re back-to-back, our bodies aligned as we scan our surroundings, every sense stretching outward into the uneasy quiet that has settled far too quickly.
Goosebumps rise along my arms as the air shifts, a cold creeping in that doesn’t belong, sinking into my skin, and a shiver runs down my spine.
We’re not alone.