A Confession #2
“At the gym?” I ask. “Jayce, I enjoyed it as much as you did. It doesn’t matter, as I said; you can pretend it didn’t happen if that’s easier for you.”
He turns his head, his eyes meeting mine. “But I can’t,” he says, making my heart skip a beat. “I can’t pretend something didn’t happen. I can’t continue like this. Every fucking time my resolve weakens, I can’t keep taking from you and then call it an accident or a lapse in judgement.”
Something in my chest twists painfully. There’s something different about him tonight, and fear fills me.
The torment is still there, the guilt and conflict that have been eating him alive ever since the dome, but he’s no longer trying to bury his feelings beneath distance and coldness. Is he going to reject me?
“There was something on your mind that day, so it’s fine,” I say softly, searching his face. “You had the same look in your eyes then that you do now. What is going on, Jayce? Talk to me.”
For a moment, he just looks at me before averting his gaze and shaking his head.
“What look?” he asks quietly. “The look of a man realising he can’t fight this anymore?”
My heart thumps as unease fills me. “Is this because of Seth?”
Jayce scoffs, and some of that familiar arrogance flickers back into his expression. “No. And it’s not the dress either, although if that was your plan-”
“There was no plan from me,” I cut in quickly, heat flooding my cheeks. “I promise.”
“Good,” he says immediately, his gaze dropping briefly down my body before he drags his eyes away again with visible effort.
Gods, that fire in his eyes…
He rakes his fingers through his hair again before exhaling sharply.
“Look, I know I’ve failed you repeatedly. I was unable to protect you,” he says, his voice rougher now.
“You haven’t-”
“I have. Let me finish.”
I open my mouth to protest, but when I see the look in his now-blue eyes, I nod.
“I know I’ve hurt you, and I definitely don’t deserve to still have you in my life after everything.
” His eyes meet mine again, intense and burning.
“But even with all my self-control, I can’t stay away from you.
That night after I killed the primordial…
” He takes a moment and looks up at the moon before continuing.
“I realised I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pushing you away, pretending I don’t feel what I feel. I’ve tried and failed repeatedly, and regardless of what I say,” his gaze softens as it once again returns to me, “We both know you’re the only one for me.”
My pulse pounds loudly in my ears. This conversation isn’t going the way I thought it would.
“I don’t know how to explain half the shit I’m feeling because it’s just way too much, but what I do know is that I want you.” He steps closer slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Not just for a night. Not just for sex or pleasure. That’s not you, that’s not us.”
Heat rushes through me at the raw honesty in his voice.
“I’m still fucking scared of the future, of how being with me could hurt you, how I’ll fucking fail you. But I’m fucking selfish because what I want is for you to be mine. I want you beside me as my queen, my Luna, my woman.”
I just stare at him, stunned. This wasn’t how I was expecting this conversation to go.
Jayce takes another step towards me until barely any distance remains between us.
“I’m tired of fighting myself,” he says huskily.
“I know I failed you. I know I should have been able to protect you, and I failed.” Pain flashes through his eyes briefly before he reaches up and brushes a strand of hair away from my face so gently it makes my chest ache.
“I don’t know what the future holds, Sienna, but I know I’d rather face it with you than without you. ”
Emotion swells painfully in my throat.
“I’ll keep trying; I’ll try to honour my vow to protect you no matter what. I’m fucking afraid of failing you, of breaking my promise, but I’m too fucking weak to stay away from you any longer. I fucking need you.”
“Jayce…” I whisper, my eyes stinging slightly as I try not to cry.
I step backwards without thinking and gasp when my heel catches against the stone border lining the flowerbeds beside the path. My drink tips violently in my hand, and cold cherry liquid spills all over the front of Jayce’s white shirt.
“Oh my gods-”
Before I can fall, Jayce catches me instantly, one arm wrapping tightly around my waist whilst the other steadies my arm. The mocktail spreads across his chest, but he doesn’t even glance down at it.
His eyes remain fixed completely on mine.
“So,” he says quietly, his voice rough and unwavering. “What do you say?”
My heart feels like it might burst straight out of my chest.
There are no words strong enough for this moment.
Maybe when I can breathe, I’ll tell him that he never failed me, that he always protected me, that all I care about is that he chose me.
And not because of fate; he chose me before the bond because he wanted me for me, imperfections and all. And I want him, just the way he is.
My emotions are so intense that it’s hard to breathe, his proximity making my heart pound harder, and his scent invading my nose. Instead of answering him, I lower my walls, allowing him to feel what I’m feeling.
I clench my hand tightly on the front of his soaked shirt and pull him closer, until we are pressed up against one another, his arm still firmly around me.
“I say, in every heartbeat, every moment, every life: yes,” I whisper before I tilt my head up, pressing my lips to his in a deep, possessive kiss, pleasure consuming me and making my mind go blank.
Jayce groans against my mouth before he kisses me back with devastating force, his hand tightening on my waist as if wanting to remove all space between us, as if he needs me closer.
Everything we have restrained now explodes between us instantly, every ounce of want, frustration and love pouring into the kiss with deep intensity.
The way he tastes, the way his lips feel, his touch, his scent.
Gods…
His free hand slides into my hair, tilting my head back as he deepens the kiss, and I melt against him immediately. If he weren’t holding me, I’d fall. I clutch his ruined shirt tighter as heat floods every inch of my body.
I’ve kissed Jayce before, countless times, but there’s something entirely different about this one… We aren’t the same versions of the two people who fell in love. Time and experiences have shaped us; in this moment, there is no doubt or hesitation.
Not from me, not from him.
There is nothing between us.
Simply his confession and my acceptance of what we want.
What we have always wanted.
One another.
He’s kissing me so deeply as if letting go of me will make him lose me – lose this.
This kiss feels like surrender in the most dangerous and beautiful way possible.
Because that’s what this is.
His surrender.