If I Had Known
Alejandro
“My favourite princess,” I say as Raihana steps into my office. I’m fucking surprised she’s here, and I know it probably means business, but I can enjoy my niece visiting.
I got the message ten minutes ago that she’d arrived.
She should be taking a break after the shit that went down in Russia. I was briefed last night already, but the fact that she’s here means it’s got to be something fucking important.
Not to mention we’ve lost Mikhail. I considered him a friend of some kind, even though he was an annoying fucker.
She smiles at me as I stand up and gives me a tight hug. I hug her back, rubbing her back as I place a light kiss on the top of her head. “To what do I owe the fucking pleasure?”
She moves back and looks up at me. “Well, I needed to discuss something with you.”
The smile fades, and there’s a seriousness in her expression. I motion to the seat opposite my desk, but instead she decides to perch against my desk, right beside me as I sit down again, and I frown. Whatever it is, it’s not off to a good start…
“Is everything ok?” I ask, concerned. Is she worried about one of the kids, or…
“With me? Yeah, yes.” She nods and smiles as she reaches for my hand, and I cock a brow, allowing her to take it as she settles it on her lap and brushes her thumb over my tattoos.
“Uncle… There’s something we learned regarding Vincenzo,” she begins.
This isn’t where I fucking expected this to go. Everyone was accounted for, aside from Mikhail, so what the fuck is it?
“And we’ve confirmed it. During the battle with Jayce, his mask was destroyed,” she says, and then takes something out of her pocket: a little vial. She whispers something, and suddenly, we’re on the battlefield. She doesn’t let go of my hand as I look at the battle through Jayce’s eyes.
I frown as I watch the mask fall away, and – my stomach twists as I look into a face that is familiar and yet not one I’ve seen before.
But I’m no fucking fool… Raihana being here, her words confirmed, notifying me…
Vincenzo smiles, a smile equally familiar. My mind is fucking spinning.
“What’s the matter, Deimos King? Have you finally connected the dots?”
“You’re...” Jayce’s shock is clear.
“The son of a king.” A pause. “And in all rights... the true heir to the Night Walkers Pack.”
I sit back, a thousand fucking emotions crashing through me as the memory slowly fades, but not before I get a long look at the man who just declared himself my heir.
I pull my hand out of Raihana’s hold as I run them both down my face, unable to process what I’m feeling.
“Jayce managed to get some blood; it’s a match. You are his father…”
There’s nothing to say; there’s nothing fucking to say. I have another pup out there… One who knows I’m his father, and yet I didn’t even fucking know he existed.
By the looks of him, he’s at least five or more years older than Dante. Who the fuck could it have been? I don’t remember…
“I want any information you have on his mother. Get Leo to send it to me.”
Raihana doesn’t respond, and I look at her as I take out a cigarette and light it.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I fucking am. But in case something happens to me, I can’t allow myself to remain the Alpha of this pack. I have work to do.” My tone is rough, but right now it’s the only way I can cope.
The guilt, dread, and confusion are all too much. This isn’t just about me; how will Kiara react? How will Dante feel, knowing in the end he’ll be going head-to-head with his brother?
This shit is too fucked up…
“Uncle, it’s ok not to be ok, it’s ok to feel guilty and confused-”
“Now, who the fuck said I am? I’m fine, but I’m fucking pissed none of those fuckers was man enough to tell me, so they sent you. Leo could have told me himself,” I growl, but the expression on her face tells me I’m not fucking fooling anyone.
I look away and exhale in frustration, running my fingers through my hair.
“I am fine. Fucking confused but fine…”
She smiles as if she understands and looks towards the window.
“You know, I think we all felt it, because that’s our cousin, our blood…
A Rossi. And you’re his father; that’s a lot harder…
You know where we are, all of us, if you need to talk.
Maybe you should give Uncle Elijah a call… or something.”
“Who else knows?” I ask gruffly, taking a long drag on my cigarette.
“Jayce, Sienna, Heaven, Ahren, Ares, Liam, Leo, Azura and Royce – he won’t tell Skyla; he’s leaving that to you. None of us is telling anyone, not until you do so yourself, so take all the time you need.”
I nod curtly. I don’t have that much time, because Sky will fucking realise Royce is hiding some shit. Kiara just lost her fucking powers, and now I’m going to give her this shit to deal with.
Raihana pats my shoulder before she stands, as if knowing I need to be alone. “Well, I’m going to head out. I need to get home.”
I stand, and she gives me a hug, one I return, although my mind is a storm that I’m unable to calm.
It’s taking all my strength to hold my shit together, and I watch as she leaves.
The moment she’s gone, I wait, even as fur begins to sprout from every part of my body, my fangs coming out, my eyes burning red, and I cut back on the roar that wants to tear from my throat.
I listen – waiting for her footsteps to leave.
I hear her faintly reaching the entrance, exchanging a word with Kiara, but I can’t wait anymore.
I go to the doors that lead to the garden, throw them open and race outside, a blur as I head towards the woods, needing to let out the emotions that are suffocating me.
Only when I’m deep within the forest do I smash my fists into the nearest tree, then another, and another.
Wood splinters beneath every blow, trunks cracking under the force until trees topple one after another, the sound echoing through the forest. I barely register it.
Every strike is another thought I can’t silence, another impossible truth crashing through my mind until breathing itself becomes a struggle.
Vincenzo.
He’s…
My son.
The words refuse to fit together.
I stagger backwards, dragging a hand over my face before another surge of emotion tears through me and I drive my fist into another tree. It explodes beneath the impact, fragments scattering across the ground, but it does nothing to ease the pressure crushing my chest.
How?
How the fuck could I have a son I never knew existed?
The mother never told me, never fucking approached me. Did she even try? I fucking doubt it.
The thought keeps repeating itself.
Over and over.
Who knows what he was told? Did he grow up believing I’d abandoned him?
I sink to my knees, the wreckage of trees surrounding me in every direction.
What kind of upbringing did he have to become the person he is today?
Who put these fucking thoughts in his head?
Who poisoned his mind?
My hands curl into fists.
If I were there… present, would things have been different? I never even got the chance to teach him fuck all.
Someone else raised him, someone else filled every place where I should have been.
And now, now the only version of my son I’ll ever know is the one standing on the opposite side of a battlefield.
The man who has murdered thousands.
The man who looked Sienna in the eyes and tried to enslave her, knowing she was his niece.
The man who is willing to burn the world to the ground if it means reaching the throne he’s convinced belongs to him.
A low growl rumbles from somewhere deep in my chest.
Because I don’t know what hurts more.
The fact that he’s my fucking son, or the fact that when I finally found him, he was already lost.
I throw my head back, the roar finally tearing free from my throat, shaking the forest around me as every emotion I’ve been trying to contain crashes over me at once.
Grief.
Rage.
Confusion.
Guilt for something that was never my fault.
And beneath it all...
A question I can’t escape.
If I’d known...
If his mother had only told me...
Would he still have become Vincenzo?
The monster who has my eyes, my face, my fucking blood.
“Alejandro!”
I close my eyes as I begin to shift back as Kiara’s familiar scent reaches me, and then her arms are around me, her heart thumping as she holds me, grounding me.
For a moment, I don’t have it in me to tell her, even as I take comfort in her hold. Even now, years later, it’s only her who can make me feel like this.
She kisses the top of my head as she kneels behind me, her arms sliding around my shoulders, holding me together while I feel as though I’m coming apart.
When I’ve broken, when the world felt too much, every single time I’ve needed someone, she’s been there.
“I’m here,” she whispers.
Here.
The word almost undoes me.
“Vincenzo Bianchi...” My voice catches, and I have to force the next words out. “He’s f, Amore Mio. My fucking son.”
I feel her stiffen, but it’s only for a heartbeat.
Then she’s moving, kneeling in front of me and gently cupping my face between her hands.
I search her face, expecting to find something – disappointment, confusion, betrayal. But instead, all I see is her warmth, steady and unwavering.
“You didn’t know,” she says quietly, her thumbs brushing across my cheeks, leaving behind a trail of sparks in her wake. “Alejandro, it isn’t your fault.”
I smile bitterly; she already knows what’s going through my mind. “But it is. I should have been there… Once again, I fucking failed someone who needed me.”
She tilts her head, remaining silent, but she knows I’m right, because while I raised my pups, he may have been silently watching, hearing about my life.
A child who grew into a monster whilst I didn’t even know he existed.
“I should have been there… Maybe shit wouldn’t have turned out like this.”
Kiara presses her forehead to mine, still cupping my face.
“You’re trying to carry the weight of a choice you didn’t make. None of this is your fault.”
“But I still have to fucking live with the repercussions.”
Silence settles between us.
Because there aren’t any words capable of making this better.
“We’ll get through this,” she whispers softly.
I let out a humourless laugh. “Will we?”
“Yes.”
And I don’t know if it’s fucking true, but right now, I’ll let myself believe it, because otherwise I don’t know if I’ll fucking survive this.