Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
Nova
I toss the blankets back when the sun starts peeking in through the window, and exhale deeply.
The treetops are lined with glittering snow.
There’s a sliver of blue in the sky.
It’s…time to go.
My stomach twists, but…
There’s nothing else to be said.
Last night was enough.
And it’s not like Lake crawled into bed with me, apologized, and fucked my brains out. Far as I can tell, he didn’t come home at all.
Certainly, he didn’t sleep next to me.
And not in front of the fireplace either I find when I make my way into the family room.
That’s enough of a message.
Not only does he think I’m just like every other woman who’s used him, he also wants me gone.
Well…that I can do.
I move to the coffee pot, flick the switch, starting it up, then glance at my bags on the counter. At least I don’t have much to pack up.
Just my whole life…that fits into a few bags.
“Pathetic,” I whisper, turning away, reaching for a mug—
Freezing.
Because there’s a pad on the counter, and it’s filled with equal parts masculine scrawl and crossed-out words.
“What—” I whisper.
But then my brain actually begins to process the words there.
Dear Nova,
I let my past affect the way I treated you—
Dear Nova,
I don’t want you to leave. My mom makes my brain stop working—
Dear Nova,
I’ve never dated a woman like you. I shouldn’t have said—
Dear Nova,
I was an asshole. Please give me another chance.
-Lake
“I’m not done with it.”
That soft statement has me looking up over my shoulder…into Lake’s beautiful—and remorseful—gold and green and brown eyes.
“It seems like you covered it all,” I say lightly, pushing the pad away.
He moves toward me in a rush, and I shrink back, the wounds from his sharp words the night before barely healed.
Head up. Move forward.
This is all fine.
“I didn’t,” he says. “I have plans for serious groveling and—”
“Right,” I whisper, heart pounding as I turn my back on him, as I fill my mug with freshly brewed coffee.
When I rotate around again, intending to go to the fridge for cream, he’s already there, reaching inside and pulling out the carton, carrying it over to me, setting it on the counter next to the steaming mug. A second later, the canister of sugar settles beside it.
“I have to leave soon,” he whispers and my heart convulses, even though I know it’s for the best. “I have to meet the bus to the airport for our away game tomorrow, but I need you to know this first.”
It’s early, and I barely slept.
My insides feel shredded and raw.
I should just leave.
But I still ask, “What do I need to know?”
His throat works, the words a rasp. “I know I fucked up. I know why I fucked up. I just”—more remorse in those eyes—“don’t know how to fix it.”
I shrug. “There’s nothing to fix. You had a bad moment. I happened to be there for it—”
“Bullshit,” he says. “I took it out on you because you’re not like the other women I’ve had in my life.”
My brows drag together.
“And that’s fucking scary.”
I inhale sharply, feel my head go a little fuzzy.
“So, instead of coming back here and groveling like I should have, I had to have Jer and Mack set me straight, and then I sat in my car all night and tried to get my fucking head together. Only…I didn’t,” he says.
“Because underneath all the bullshit excuses I tried to weave about my behavior, there’s only one thing that’s actually true. ”
I let out that breath.
“I’m a fucking coward.”
“What?” I frown. “No, Lake. That’s—”
His hand comes to my jaw, tilting my head up.
“You got too close, saw too much, and then you didn’t react like any woman in my life ever has, and…
fuck, but that made me like you even more, butterfly, and that’s fucking scary, and that’s what makes me a coward.
Because instead of talking to you, I pushed you away. ”
My heart is in my throat. My stomach is awash with butterflies.
“I mean,” I whisper. “We barely know each other, so it makes sense why—”
“Bullshit,” he says. “You know me better than anyone else in my life.”
I freeze.
Because…he’s right.
Because I’ve told him things that not even Ella knows. Because he’s let me in deep too.
“And,” he says, “because you deserve to be treated better.”
My stomach fills with butterflies. “Lake,” I breathe.
His fingers trail over my cheek, along my jaw, dip into my hair, forehead settling against mine, golden green eyes holding mine. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he murmurs. “And I’m begging you to please give me another chance to prove that I see how fucking wonderful you are.”
My knees wobble, and I exhale shakily.
I’m not sure I’m that person.
“I don’t want you to leave.” His eyes slide closed, forehead pressing closer. “I’m not sure I ever want you to leave.”
I go stiff, inhalation sharp. “Lake.”
“Shh,” he murmurs. “Just…” His eyes open and he straightens slightly.
“Just promise me you’ll stay here, promise me you and Steve will be safe while I’m gone.
Promise me you’ll fill another memory card with photos, and drink my vodka, and watch crappy movies on my TV.
Promise me you won’t run off without showing me all of the beauty of you. ”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes and I close them, leaving them that way for a long time.
“Promise me you’ll stay long enough for me to prove to you how fucking magnificent you are.”
This is insanity.
This is…perfect.
This is nothing I want…and yet, it’s everything I’ve hoped for.
I want to pull away, to grab my stuff and Steve, and run.
I want to stay forever and fill this house with our memories.
But beneath it all is the need to run—
Remember that it’s okay to want something more than you think you deserve.
Ella’s words whip through my mind and I pause, eyes flying open and locking with Lake’s—reading the depths of his emotions, feeling them, knowing how much it cost this big, strong man to make himself vulnerable to me.
And…
I exhale.
I leap.
And I decide that—for once—moving forward might mean staying right here.