Chapter Nineteen
Claire
Iglance to the left and see Rylee conversing with her stylist about her hair and makeup while finishing up a text message. I showed my stylist a photo a few moments ago, and she got to work. I hate getting my hair done, but Rylee wanted this, and I wanted someone to distract me from the torment of the thoughts that haven’t left since I watched Jamison slip below that ice. I thought I’d lost him, and it was that moment I realized that perhaps I gave him more of myself than I intended.
I never thought I’d start to fall for him.
When Jamison and I are locked away, things seem so simple and perfect. I didn’t want to leave the comfort of our bubble this morning any more than he did. But I agreed to attend something, and I’ll follow through with it. Since Jamison has promised me he fully recovered and is completely fine, we are going to this wedding.
Rylee and I keep passing a phone between one another. Her messages started simple and fun, but they’ve begun to take a more difficult twist.
She pulls away from her stylist, a petite woman with gorgeous braids and bronze skin, to pass the phone back.
I don’t know Lizzy well, but you know how towns like this can be. Everyone talks about everyone. Apparently, it all happened right after Jamison’s mom died. Lizzy couldn’t handle the way Jamison became after he returned from finding her, so she sought comfort elsewhere…the arms of his mom’s widowed husband. Who does that? But Thorne is our boss, and seriously the entire town’s going to be at this wedding. Jamison is expected to be there, and we weren’t about to let him go alone.
I am looking less and less forward to this wedding the more I discover. But she’s right; we aren’t going to let him confront this situation alone. That’s what friends do for each other.
I need to be prepared. Does Jamison still care for this woman?
The phone slips from my hand and into hers. I should have spoken to Jamison about the thing I’m most worried about. After the rescue, the hospital, a night of being lost in one another, then our hasty morning escape, I never found a chance.
And we are always open with our conversations, so I know I’m avoiding finding out if he was in love once, perhaps still in love. And I’m falling for him, but I know it’s not a smart or logical thing to do. That search and rescue nearly broke me, and the risk of losing him is a possibility with his line of work. I can’t lose someone I love again.
Once Rylee hands the phone back, I let some of the other pent-up worries go.
Maybe once. But I don’t think he does now. Too much resentment.
The stylist pins my hair and steps back. It’s gorgeous. My blonde hair is in a loose wave, half up, half down, and pinned firmly. I want to run my fingers through it, which I’ll have to avoid all night. My makeup is flawless and natural, just like Maddie would have done.
When I catch my stylist’s gaze in the mirror, she’s biting her lip. I haven’t given her any sign I like it, so I give her two thumbs up with a smile. Her body visibly relaxes, the uncertainty washing away.
There are three small taps on my shoulder. I glance over to Rylee. She has the biggest smile. She gives me two more thumbs up.
After that, it doesn’t take us long to finish up and change. The salon was welcoming and offered us a small side room to switch into our dresses. Rylee seems open and well known here. She must come all the time to give herself a break, or maybe it’s just easy for her to talk with people. Her job is just as demanding as Jamison’s, so I’m sure she needs the break and should come to the salon all the time.
I work to slip my dress on as I consider what bravery it must take to put yourself last in a moment of fear. To forge through the fear and make quick decisions based on instinct. To leap before you think, like she does. To be the search and rescue that braves all odds to save someone.
My shoes are last to go on, then I take a moment to look at myself in the mirror on the back door of the room. It’s a massage room that they thoughtfully give away to make sure you are prepared to face the world after you’ve given yourself a moment of reprieve. I’m thankful for it.
The dress I chose is a simple light blue fitted bodice with cropped sleeves. It goes down to mid-thigh, and it took me hours of shopping with Andrea before I left Anchorage to be sure I had the right one. It was the first time we hung out outside of work, yet she was still there for me. Sliding my hands down the soft material, I decide I can do this. Jamison needs everyone in his corner this weekend. And I want to be in his corner. I press the anxiety down.
Rylee is waiting outside the room by the time I gather myself enough to step out. She’s still smiling. It hasn’t left her face the entire time. I can’t take the curiosity much longer, so I pull my phone out and type her a quick message.
You seem really excited. I know you said you guys are going for Jamison, but you don’t seem the least bit inconvenienced.
Her body shakes and she looks shy, a pink tint hitting her cheeks. It takes her a few moments to formulate a response. When she hands my phone back, she glances away.
It’s been a while since I”ve been out. And with work and always being stuck around the same guys, I don’t get out much to meet anyone new.
Oh, maybe she’s hoping to hook up with someone tonight. I contemplate my next question, but I type it out anyway.
So, you aren’t interested in any of the guys you work with?
By the time I finish typing, she already has her hand out, ready to take the phone back. I let her type while I glance around the salon again. Although it’s small, it’s quaint and relaxing. They have aromas of peppermint and something else I can’t quite identify filling the space. It’s peaceful, relaxing. Even now as I absorb the aroma with a deep breath, it helps ease the nerves spreading.
Rylee reluctantly hands the phone back. It takes an extra pull to get it from her grasp.
I can’t do anything serious or messy. And he’s all kinds of fucked up after his wife left with their kid, so I doubt he’s looking for something simple with me. I know he’s still in love with her, and that isn’t changing anytime soon. So no.
I jerk my head up. Wait. I glance back at my phone, but my fingers don’t move. By the time I glance back up, Rylee is walking away, which is fine because I didn’t have a response anyway. I follow Rylee until we reach the front door. Just as we do, Chadwick comes in, followed by Jamison and Finn, our escorts for the night.
Chadwick’s eyes are glued to Rylee and he’s speaking, but his head is turned toward her, so I have no chance of making out his words. Finn is glued to his phone again. He always is. So, my gaze travels to Jamison, where they stay.
Once we make eye contact, he finds his words. You’re gorgeous.
He places his hand on my neck and kisses me like he won’t tomorrow, and I let him, the lipstick forgotten. He breaks away a moment later. My brows wrinkle in confusion when he shoots me a wan smile.
I was told not to mess you up.
I sweep my gaze around the room, where we have more eyes on us than I realized. I turn back to Jamison.
I had no issues.
His laughter shakes his body when he continues, If I don’t stop now, I won’t at all.
My thumb comes up to brush away the bit of red on his lips before I sign, Are you ready?
As I’ll ever be. His head shakes in annoyance. I hate weddings.
Me too.
His brows rise as a thought hits him. We will find other fun tonight. He lifts his eyebrows suggestively.
Chadwick’s arm smacks Jamison’s chest, then he says something, again turned to where I only see his profile. When I glance past him, though, I see Finn finally looking away from his phone. His gaze is glued to Rylee. She’s not looking his way, but watching whatever Chadwick and Jamison must be discussing. She’s missing the way Finn’s eyes are hungrily eating her up. He might still be in love, but he would be interested in Rylee if she put herself out there for him.
Perhaps if everyone stopped talking for a moment and just really looked around, they would actually see for the first time.
Jamison laces his fingers with mine and pulls me along as we all exit the salon. I usually hate to be pulled and tugged along as hearing people make some verbal communication that the group is moving. His hand is warm in mine, the tug gentle. Another sweet kiss on my temple has me forgiving him just as quickly.
We all climb into a large black SUV as the late summer breeze hits me. Finn gets behind the driver’s seat, and Chadwick takes the passenger front seat, which has Rylee sliding in the back with Jamison and me in the center.
I turn to Rylee and tap her shoulder as she’s looking out the window. Something has shifted in her, and I’m not sure what, but perhaps a distraction would help.
I had fun.
She seems to be working the sign out in her mind.
She’s not as well-versed in signing, so I repeat the sign and say, “I had fun.” I really don’t mind; I love communicating with her.
Me too, she signs back. She adjusts herself in the seat to free her arms and make better eye contact with me. Very good.
Can we do it again? I raise my brows.
She seems to understand and nods, then also signs yes. Which is perfect. I give her a reassuring smile so she keeps going. It’s obvious she’s nervous, but I want her to keep trying. To not give up.
You? Had fun?
Yes. “It’s been a while,” I say out loud. This one isn’t as easy to understand.
Rylee signs, Me too.
“We should do it again.”
She says yes, nodding, and the excitement is back like she was inside Bellamy Salon. It’s at that moment she glances over my shoulder, though. I look back, and everyone in the car is looking at us. My gaze lands on Finn, who watches Rylee with interest. He hasn’t even pulled out of the parking lot. Chadwick’s mouth is moving, like always. Jamison just wears a sweet smile.
“Drive,” I tell Finn when my focus is on him again.
He turns around, still shaking his head. His hand drags through his cropped brown hair, tugging it a bit harder at the end.
Chadwick leans away, so I turn back to Rylee. She fingerspells the letters M E N with an added eye roll. The laughter I can’t contain comes out. I don’t even try to hide it. I might no longer have these moments to share with Maddie, but I see from this time with Rylee and shopping with Andrea what I’ve been missing—a friend to converse with.
There’s a tug on my hair, then another one. It draws my attention from Rylee to Jamison behind me.
Sorry, you ladies keep going. I messed up your hair when I kissed you.
Thank you. You can mess it up later.
He gives me a wink, then gets comfortable on his side of the car, giving me the space to return my attention to Rylee.
We continue to communicate, her only signing and me signing, then speaking to clarify the signs when needed. Her fingerspelling is steady, but she messes up when trying to spell “nails.”
“I love doing my nails.”Well, I did when Maddie would do them. We’d sit together and drink some wine. Decompress after she had a long day at work. My kids were always easier on me than her patients were.
Rylee and I continue back and forth until the car stops outside a small bed-and-breakfast called the Bittersweet Inn. Jamison tangles his fingers in mine and squeezes. He helps me out of the car, but he never disconnects us. He’s using me as his support; I’m his rope as he glides across an unknown frozen lake.
I won’t snap tonight. I’ll be steady and sure so he can use me as his lifeline. I’ve never felt so much pressure before.