Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Angela got a taxi home from the hospital the next day when she was discharged. Jonathan was at work and had not called her to see if she was coming home. She paid the driver, and he’d stared at her in the rear-view mirror.
‘Are you okay, love, do you need a hand to get inside?’
She looked at him with wide, empty eyes, nothing behind them except for the lingering shame and horror of what she’d done.
‘No, thank you, I’m fine.’
He shrugged as if he didn’t believe her, and she didn’t believe herself. She wasn’t fine at all; she was far from it, but who cared about that?
She got out and waved at him, waiting for him to drive away before she walked up the steps to the beautiful Victorian semi they lived in.
She had never envisioned living in a house so grand.
Inserting her key into the lock, it didn’t turn.
She took it out and tried again, wondering if it had broken somehow.
Had Jonathan locked her out of her own house?
Surely, he hadn’t, he wouldn’t, would he?
But the coldness that seeped down the back of her neck told her that he almost certainly had.
There was a spare key under the pot of pretty pink geraniums, and she lifted it to see an envelope with Angela written across the front in Jonathan’s neat handwriting.
Picking that up there was no key underneath like there should be, and she felt every ounce of strength drain from her already weak body.
Sitting on the front step she looked up and down the street to see if anyone was watching her, and thankfully it was quiet.
With hands that were shaking so much she struggled to open the envelope, she looked down at the note.
It is with some regret that I wish to inform you that our marriage is over.
This is nothing to do with me but everything to do with your reckless endangerment of our child.
You gave no thought to the consequences or effect it would have on me.
Selfish as always. I have strived to do what is best for you despite you never doing the same for me.
Susan has asked me to inform you that you are not welcome at her home, and she does not wish you to turn up at her front door causing any distress.
I have packed some clothes into a case that is inside the shed doorway.
If it is no longer there and has been stolen, that is nothing to do with me.
I filed for a divorce first thing this morning.
I have nothing to speak to you about and I do not wish you to contact me either.
It is time to part ways; this relationship is not working for either of us.
I am sure you would agree with that blatantly obvious statement.
I have put enough cash into your savings account to see you through the next month and to pay for a room in a B&B somewhere. After that you are on your own until the divorce is finalised and I will pay you what I must, if anything at all.
Jonathan
Angela had to read the note twice before she could take in what he was saying. It was over, just like that. She had made one mistake, and he’d walked away from her as if she was one of his criminal clients.
But you tried to drown your baby. You are a criminal, a voice whispered in her ear.
She looked over to the shed, somewhat pleased to see the navy-blue suitcase still in the doorway, because what would she have done if someone had taken it? Inside of it was all she had left of this shitty marriage.
Trying her best not to cry she ripped the note into tiny pieces, stuffed it back into the envelope and posted it through the letter box.
Then holding her head high, she stood up, walked to the shed and picked up the case, which was surprisingly light, and walked out of the front garden, leaving the gate wide open because it was one of her soon-to-be ex-husband’s pet hates.
Her stomach a churning mess she kept having to suck in gulps of air to try and stop the vomit that was threatening to rise in her throat.
She was not throwing up in the street with an audience of nosey neighbours.
She would walk to her friend Jane’s house, as it was the nearest place to go, and see if she would let her stay there for the night, until she could find herself somewhere else to go.
She didn’t even have a job, no idea what she could do, and she was a little afraid to admit to herself that for the first time in her life she felt free of all the pressure and constraints that had been put on her.
Maybe this was meant to be. She thought about her baby and stifled a sob.
She loved him, but she didn’t want to be responsible for him, so maybe Susan would be a better mum for him, as much as she disliked the woman.
She already had three girls of her own so another baby wouldn’t make much difference.
She wondered if Susan would keep him or let him go.
Would she ever see him again, and did she want to?
Angela didn’t know the answer to those questions.
If she loved him, she wouldn’t be in this predicament now.
She had nobody to blame except herself.